good news, bad news

The good news first - the plumber just got done evaluating the situation. He seems to be a very competent guy - he reassured me that there wasn't much bringing-up-to-code he'd have to do, and that he could work around the fact that the new heater I bought is a tad bigger than the old one. (One of the things he's going to do is install an emergency cut-off valve, which is good - my heater didn't have one.)

He concurred, after hearing my description of the symptoms, that it was most likely a scale buildup that killed the heater, and said 24 years was a good long lifespan.

(Perhaps it's actually a GOOD sign it took him so long to get to me - suggests he's through and doesn't do a crappy job just to get done.)

The bad news is because he has to get a work order for the bring-it-up-to-code stuff, it will probably be Thursday afternoon. (It could have been Wednesday but I told him I had too many outside commitments to try to be at home).

I will say I'm considerably reassured that

a. He's articulate and seems to know his stuff. (So many plumbers and electricians here mumble and obfuscate, drooling their words down the fronts of their shirts.) This guy actually reminded me a bit of my (20 years older than me) cousin Darryl, which I also find reassuring though I realize that's a totally irrational thing to feel reassured about. (Perhaps I find it reassuring because I've dealt with seriously skeevy plumbers in the past, and I didn't get a skeeve-vibe off this guy. Like I said: reminds me a bit of one of my cousins who is a well-established family man, veteran, and all around good guy.)

b. He didn't look at the old heater and recoil in horror and go "I can't fix it! This it too screwed up! You'll have to get a carpenter and a gas-man in here first!" Because then I really would have melted down and probably gone all Crazy Cat Lady Without The Cats on him. Actually, when I audibly worried about the old pipes, he said, "Oh, I can put on the cut-off and install a flexi-pipe there, it'll fit the new heater just fine." So, yay.

So, two more days.

Patience, as you may have gathered from all this, is not one of the virtues I possess. However, I'm better at being patient when I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Only two more mornings of washing my face in cold water. Only two more nights (one, actually, because Wednesday I eat with the Youth Group down at church) of boiling water on the stove to wash dishes. And I think I can hold off - especially since I can't work out with this cough - on washing my hair or taking a "full" shower until Thursday evening.

that's it.

It's now 1:30. I've done all the work I brought home with me.

I am beginning to think I will never have hot water again. Maybe I should go fill that 10 gallon bucket I bought at the Lowe's (in case I needed to drain the dead water heater) and set it out in the sun under a black plastic garbage bag and try to rig my own kind of solar hot water heater. Maybe I need to buy a bunch of those "camp showers" that are basically black rubber bladders you fill with water and hang in the sun, and just use those for washing. That'll be just another one of my chores at 6 am when I'm getting ready to leave the house: time to make the hot water.

And as for eating - I'll just buy paper plates and plastic forks. To hell with the environment. Or maybe I'll just NOT eat - I'd lose some weight that way. Make all the war on obesity people wet their pants with joy.

And as for clothes - well, I'll wash what I can in cold water, and the rest, I'll use my camp shower water on. Or maybe I'll just get a bunch of sheets, wear them toga-style for a week each, and then pitch them when they get too dirty or sweaty.

whimper. Yes, I'm whining. But I don't like sitting around at the mercy of someone else.

Or maybe I'll just burn the place down and start over with the insurance money.

(Oh, the guy just called again: he's running a little late.

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK.

I mean, seriously - when the phone rang, I knew it was going to be him. But still - what I need is not, "Oh, it's going to be a few more hours," but "I'm on my way."

He asked if it was okay if he came later - he'd call me when he finished the job he was on. Well, I guess since I've already grabbed my ankles and said "Okay," I'll keep on holding them.

Damnit, Lowe's - if you have too much work for one plumber, HIRE ANOTHER ONE. This is bull crap! I can't take off work tomorrow.)

12:46

The guy FINALLY called when he came in to work (what the hell kind of plumber starts his day at 9:30 am? When I was a kid...I know we had plumbers out at 8, some maybe even earlier). He said he'd be here at noon.

The title of this post is the time it was when I started writing it.

This sucks. I hate sitting and waiting on people. If he doesn't show today, I AM going to Lowe's customer service and bitching and asking them for part of the installation fee back. No, I won't accept a "gift card." No, I won't accept an apology and some lame excuse.

Maggie, you didn't infect me with bad customer service. Bad customer service is RAMPANT where I live. I'm actually surprised when someone shows up on time. I'm actually surprised when someone calls me.

Why does it have to be this way? Why can't "professionals" be more so? Is it because they know we're dependent on them and so they can do whatever the hell they want.

The reason I'm getting antsy is I suspect this is not going to be an easy installation, and I fear him turning off water to the whole house (because there is no convenient shut-off valve near the hot water heater) and then leaving for the day - and me having to check into a hotel over night because one of the side-effects of this cold is that I'm peeing like every hour on the hour and I can't go a night "holding it."

In other news: having watched tv while sitting here waiting, I can say now with confidence that I really really really really really really really really do not give a capital F what happens to OJ. He can rot in prison and if we never hear of him again, good. I also think the Goldmans (Goldmines? Golddiggers?) can rot as well; I wonder if they partially orchestrated this to bring publicity for the fact that THEY'RE trotting out OJ's "confession" book to make money off of the name of their dead son.

They should all be sent to a very small island with minimal tools. Sort of like "Survivor," only it wouldn't be on tv.

#$*($&#$()#&*$#$#(*&!!!!

So, I called Lowe's this morning.

The installation-dispatcher lady was a little snappy with me.

I said: Yesterday, you said the installer would call yesterday afternoon and he didn't call. I wanted to call in early, before he got busy, and see if there was any way he could come out today, because I can't take the whole day to just sit by the phone.

Dispatcher lady: "He has forty-eight hours to call you! It's still within the forty-eight hours!"

Interesting. The customer-service guy, when I first asked about the installation, said, and I quote: "We consider being without hot water to be an emergency, so we make an effort to have hot water heater installations done within forty-eight hours."

Not: you have to sit by the phone with your thumb up your butt for the next forty-eight hours and pray that the installer has some time for you this week.

I told her I could be available today, but not tomorrow, and Thursday and Friday in the afternoon. She made an annoyed grunt and said that he was coming in to pick up a dishwasher this morning (which means there's at least one job ahead of me) and she'd have him call me then.

Uh-huh. I wonder what time he comes in.

I'm just really peeved because it is NOT FUN to have to heat water on the stove every time you need to wash dishes. It is NOT FUN to look at your underwear drawer and wonder when you have to start rationing (because I will NOT go to a laundromat in this town...I'd be afraid of catching something having washed my clothes in those machines). It is really NOT FUN when you have a fever and chills to bathe in tepid water.

This drives me UP THE WALL. Every time, every damn time I need something done by a professional, I wait and wait and wait and when I call after waiting to say, "hey, is there some kind of an ETA on when the job might be started" they act like I've been calling them every fifteen minutes to bug them. I thought it would be better through Lowe's, them being a big chain and all and having an interest in not pissing off their customers, but I guess I was wrong.

I refuse to call up my friends and ask to use their showers or their laundry rooms. But if I have to wait more than a few days I am going to be even more unhappy than I am now. I wonder if I could, in desperation, get a motel room for one night (just so I have a real shower that's not cold) and ask Lowe's to foot the bill for it?

Part of my frustration is that when someone "needs" something from me, I drop everything to do that something...you'd think I'd get a little bit of the karma-love for that, but nooooooooooo.

Hot water: not yours

Well, the guy never called, and it's 4 pm where I am.

"Karen" in the installation-service department goes home at 3 pm. When I called her (midday) she told me the installer was "out on a job" and would call me.

I think "the service person will call you" is the modern variant on "the check's in the mail."

So, I've hauled out my four-quart crockpot and am heating water in it. Once it gets warm, I'll heat water in my 6-quart kettle and my 4-quart dutch oven on the stovetop, and hope that's enough to wash my hair. Because I can't go another day like this.

And then I get to repeat the process to take a bath tonight.

And I'm not sure I want to eat anything requiring a plate or silverware, because boiling water to wash dishes - that's another batch.

Tomorrow morning, I'm calling Lowe's customer service around 8 and bitching at them if the installer hasn't called by then. Because Wednesday is my 8 am until God-knows-when day at work, and I'm danged if I'm cancelling my classes just because the "48 hour installation time" stretches to longer than that.

If they can't install it until next week, by God I'm asking for some of the installation fee back.

You've seen the ugly shoes, now check these out

Bunny slippers for the office?

I think these are less offensive than those "Sportilettos," but not much. Besides, isn't the point of going to work being a grown-up? I might wear silly slippers when I'm at home, but I kind of want to break out the "grown up" shoes when I'm teaching.

Maybe on a 20 year old "Club Kid" they'd work, but not a real adult woman holding down a real job.

"Because I'm sick and feel like crap, that's why."

So I collected the homeworks - which I gave a grace period over the weekend for, which were originally due Friday.

Three people did not have them done and sat in the back of the class and worked on them. I didn't say anything because I feel like crap.

Their homeworks - the highest score is a 60%.

One person BITCHED and GRIPED and MOANED and talked about how much the homework "sucked." I reminded him that I was not requiring them to meet two hours every week for a scheduled lab; the homework takes the place of lab. (And: two hours in class equals a minimum of two hours outside class prep and write-up. So I don't think he has any right to complain.) This is also my "getting on my last nerve" person - the one with a smart remark for every situation. I think he knows I'm irritated with him right now.

I mean, seriously: they were supposed to have this done FRIDAY. I realize that the weekend is social time, but surely, surely they could find an hour or two to work on the damn thing? (That's what really gripes me: almost never to I get a weekend where I'm work-free. These are people planning to go into careers somewhat similar to mine. They should get used to it.)

Oh, and the installers have not yet called. I was under the impression they would call this morning - it is past 10 am and no word. I am not going to be a happy camper if there's some weird codicil that lets them out of their "installed in 48 hours" promise. Maybe it's "installed in 48 hours when the installers have nothing else to do" or "installed in 48 hours provided the Lowe's and your home are located in a Major Metropolitan Area."

Or maybe they just lied all over the place to me, and what the case really is is, "the installers will CALL in 48 hours of your purchase and good luck at getting an installation time."

I don't know. I just want this taken care of.

Because I hurt ALL OVER. My back and chest are just racked from coughing. I want nothing more than to go home and take a hot bath, and I don't know when I will be able to do that.

And if they say they can come out Wednesday, I'm screwed: unless I cancel all my classes, I can't be at home AT ALL on Wednesday. And I have ZERO patience. If someone comes and bitches to me about homework/paper/test/whatever, they're getting an earful.

Because I'm sick and feel like crap, but I'm too responsible to stay home and watch cartoons for a day.

"CNN Envy"?

CNN Envy: Weather Channel has it.

I don't see it on the website, but yesterday they had some promotion on the tv channel saying "First Day of Fall 2007: Live Coverage! September 23, 2007!"

Um...WTF?

Live coverage of the first day of fall?

Like, anything's actually going to HAPPEN?

What are they going to do? Put up tree-cams to watch for the first leaf turning? Monitor daylength and nightlength? Have NASA simulations showing where the Earth is in its orbit around the Sun?

I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous. I'm so tired of the "OMG WTF Everything Must Be Huge Giant Breaking News" trend that's developed in this country.

Yes, I'm happy that fall is starting. Will it make a difference to my weather? Probably not noticeably, at least not ON the 23rd. It's process, not an event.

I wonder if the Weather Channel realizes how stupid it looks by frothing up the First Day of Fall like it's some kind of news event. Then again - maybe no one really understands what real "news" is like any more, considering the amount of OJ coverage that's been put forth the past couple days. Okay, okay, so he was arrested. Fine. Mention that. But don't spend fourteen hours in an onanistic panoply of lawyers, former judges, former sports stars and people who just want their faces on tv talking about what this "means." I can tell you what it "means" as far as MY life is concerned: nothing at all.

What does the Iraq war or chasing down and routing out Al Quaeda mean, as far as MY life is concerned: actually quite a lot, in the long run. I don't want to see the U.S. travel down the path that many European countries are. I don't want to feel unsafe in my own town because of the possibility of a terror cell setting up shop here. I don't like to think of western culture being subsumed into a caliphate. I CARE about what's going on in the middle east. I CARE about what's happening culturally in Europe. I DON'T CARE about a criminal, washed-up, bad-actor former sports star and what he's done now.

Maybe what I need to do is start up RNN: the Real News Network. Where there's no stupid celebrity news. If a celebrity dies, or is arrested, or does something heroic, it will be mentioned, but not dwelt upon. Instead, coverage will be devoted to things that matter, things that will really truly affect the lives of ordinary folks, folks who don't live in the apparently-insulated-from-reality regions like Hollywood. We'd have experts - not just people who are attractive and pushy - and there'd be an effort to get both sides time to speak. People who were rude or snarky would be dismissed and not invited back. Our tagline: News for Grown-ups.

Of course, it would probably never succeed.

55 questions

Spotted both at Caltechgirl's and at Ken's. So wotthehell, here are my answers:

1. Is your second toe longer than your first?
No, in fact my first toe is longer.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
Whatever kind is close at hand. Whatever kind my colleagues won't borrow and "forget" to return. (Maybe, seeing as most of my colleagues are male, I need to get Hello Kitty pens or something).

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?
Not a clue. That's much to far away for me to plan. Who wrote this thing, a marketing type?

4. What color are your toenails usually?
I used to paint them - color called Vixen - but I haven't in a long time because I've just not felt like putting the time in on upkeep. So now they're just normal toenail color.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
Highlighters are tools of the devil. Bite your tongue for even asking that.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
Green and pink plaid. Because if there's no other perk to being a single girl, it's that I get to decorate my bedroom the way I want.

7. What color are the seats in your car?
Gray.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
No. Lived with (but did not actually own) a few Siamese, but never black and white.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
Oh, gosh, some bill or other.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
No.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
I don't use an ATM. Too hard to keep track of withdrawals.

12. Whose is the last baby that you held?
No idea. I'm a shockingly unmaternal woman. I don't go all drooly over babies.

13. Unlucky #?
13 and 52. I'm surprisingly superstitious about those for a scientist.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
Sounds kind of nasty but I've never tried it. I can't use any whitening toothpastes as they make my teeth sensitive.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
Ford Windstar.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
Neither. Not really a football fan. (Michigan, as much as anyone, at least when they're not getting their asses handed to them on a regular basis)

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
Willingly? Never. Supervised a youth group trip to one of the Six Flags family of waterparks once; that is something I will never do again without either a very large bribe or a large dose of tranquilizers first.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Both bedrooms and the kitchen. It was there when I bought the place, and a quick check revealed it had been put on over paneling (which probably means the plaster underneath is totally shot), so I've not considered taking it down, even though wallpaper's not my favorite

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
Yeah, one of the stripes on the yellow-and-white-with-big-ass-pink-roses wallpaper.

20. Last person to give you a business card?
Some guy who was doing environmental consulting for a highway bypass near me. He found some plants and didn't know what they were and wanted me to identify them. Luckily it was nothing rare.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
Person? No idea. I wrote one to my church this morning, though.

22. Closest framed picture to you?
A picture of an outdoor cafe.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
No idea whatsoever. I mostly wind up having to cook for myself. Probably the last time I visited my folks.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?
No, never had to, thank God.

25. How many emails do you have?
No idea at all.

26. Last time you received flowers?
It's been too long.

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
My attitude is this: I don't care what consulting adults do in the privacy of their homes as long as I don't have to hear the details of it. And that goes for mixed-sex as well as single-sex couples.

(Actually, I have to add to this: as for governmentally-sanctioned "unions," I don't give a fig - I've known gay people who really wanted to have some kind of long-term commitment to their partner - I mean, like a formal commitment. However, for church-sanctioned marriage - I think it should be up to the leadership of the individual church or denomination to decide. I don't think priests or ministers or rabbis who have an opposition to marrying a gay couple should be forced to marry them. I admit some considerable conflict here: I've read all the Scriptural arguments, but then again: I also have known gay people. And from what I've read, it seems like "gayness" is at least partly biologically determined. I'd rather see someone accept that they are gay, than marry a person of the opposite sex and wind up cheating on them.

I guess the best thing to say is: I feel conflicted about this issue. Perhaps if our culture weren't so heavily sexualized it wouldn't BE an issue [they used to talk about, for example, "Boston marriages" between women - and it wasn't always clear that they were a lesbian relationship; in some cases it may have been two straight-but-uncoupled-and-uninterested-in-having-children women who banded together. Because, one thing I've learned is this: even today it's easier if you have another person around.))

28. Do you play air guitar?
No. I kind of think that's a Y-chromosome linked thing.

29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?
No. At least not a guy who was sober.

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
I don't drink coffee. You wouldn't like me when I drink coffee.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?
No, not a figurine kind of person. I'd rather have a couple of nice vases, even when they're empty.

32. What is/was your high school's rival mascot?
Lord, I don't remember - a cougar, maybe? I went to prep school, we didn't really do rivalries.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
One of my old friends and I email back and forth occasionally.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
I think after the last town trash-off, because there was no actual water to wash hands with and I was kind of skeeved about some of the stuff I had picked up. Normally I don't use it because I think it just breeds more resistant bacteria.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
No, would rather learn violin, cello, or piano.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
White.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
The tv listings.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
I don't do pageants.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
I prefer to make my own pizza. In the town where I live we have Pizza-the-Hut and Domino's, and the last Domino's pizza I bought had this weird, steamed-cauliflower smell when I opened the box.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
"Some people out there in our nation don't have crowns, and, uh, I believe that our beauty pageants such as in, uh, Iraq and South Africa and everywhere like such I believe that they should, our beauty pageants over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. and uh, er, should help South Africa and Iraq get crowns..."

In other words: no.

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
A student paper. ("Dr. Ricki, do you have a stapler?" "Sure, let me go over to the pack-mule I bring to every class with me and get it.")

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
I don't drink BROWN Pepsi. (Heh: "Don't drink the brown Pepsi. People. Don't drink the brown Pepsi; there is some bad Pepsi out there.")

44. Are you ticklish?
Not any more

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
It's been a while. Last heard them the other night - apparently there was a high school football tourney and they shot the $()%$$ things off after every touchdown. (At 11 pm? WTF?)

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
I don't remember. Never had a hot one.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned it?
A student, the other day.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
I don't think I ever have.

49. Do you have a black dog?
Only in the figurative, Churchillian sense.

50 . Have you had your mid life crisis yet?
I have minor crises a couple times a year. I'm hoping to spread out the midlife crisis amongst those.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?
Nope.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
Oh, geez, I don't know.

53. What kind of soap or body wash do you use?
Usually some kind of lavender stuff.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
No clue at all who that is.

55. Do you have a little black dress?
I own a black dress but it's not exactly "little" in the sense that you mean. I don't look so good in black so I reserve other colors for my "date" dresses.

Well...

After consulting with my dad (and a couple of the guys I go to church with), the general conclusion is:

the water heater is very likely to be kaput
if it isn't kaput, it's probably going to go in the next year.
Therefore, it's probably money ahead to just get a new one.

As it turns out, Lowe's "guarantees" installation within 2 business days of purchase.

We will see.

I'm $600 poorer (that's the heater plus the installation cost - I flinched at paying it up front, as my experience is that if you pay for work before it's done, it never gets done. But hell, this is Lowe's. Surely they have business principles to uphold. Surely they wouldn't rook a poor college prof out of $250 for an installation that doesn't happen)

They're supposed to call tomorrow. I gave my office number, and I think when I go in early tomorrow morning I'll change the greeting to: "If you're the installers, I'm in class now. But I can be home by 1 pm today! Or I can be home all day tomorrow! [thank goodness I don't have any classes Tuesday] Just tell me when you'll be there!"

And yeah, yeah, I know - Consumer Reports said people were less satisfied with Lowe's-sent people than with the people they chose themselves. But I don't feel like playing plumber-roulette right now, calling dozens of people to see if ANYONE is free within the next several weeks.

And I'm not worrying about "best brands." The Lowe's near me had Whirlpool and some made-in-China brand I didn't recognize. So I went with Whirlpool (besides, the Chinese-made ones may only have been for propane and not natural gas - I didn't look too closely.)

I have to admit this is one of those times I kind of wish I was married - especially to a "handy" sort of guy. Then I could just say, "Honey....there's no hot water. What do we do?" and he'd take care of it.

Still, I WOULD have liked to have had a hot bath tonight. And if the installers can't come out Monday afternoon, I may have to bite the bullet and heat some water up on the stove to wash my hair.

"Just like the 'good old days'" one of the ladies at church said.

The "good old days" can kiss my butt.

water heater curse

Cullen, Tracey...some of you might look out.

It seems that the rolling bloggers' hot water heater curse is on the move.

Maggie May chronicled her troubles last week.

Well, now I have it.

Yesterday afternoon, I guess I used up the last of the hot water out of the dead heater when I took my shower - I had to have the hot water turned on full-blast and it still felt not-warm-enough. (At the time, I was HOPING it was just my perception because I had chills - it turns out I have a $(*%&*$ fall cold and I'm running a fever).

But this morning, when I went to get warm water out of the tap to make a salt-water gargle - nothing. Ran the tap ten minutes and the water never warmed above room temperature.

Dammit. It frustrates me that this kind of stuff seems to happen when I'm in the least mood for tolerating it. I was contemplating taking a hot bath tonight before bed to help me breathe - but I do not have enough large vessels to heat water on the stove to fill a tub.

I'm not even thinking ahead to what I'll do for washing dishes, doing laundry...I guess laundry can mostly be done in cold water (thank goodness I have enough towels ahead and enough sheets) and with the dishes, I suppose I can wash them by hand and then sterilize them with water boiled on the stove.

For washing, I'll just fill the sink with water and use a washcloth. My hair, I'll find a hair place and pay the $10 or whatever it costs for a shampoo. Because I'm just not willing to get into a shower of cold water, and the thought of choreographing the heating of water on the stove and the washing of my hair in the sink is more than I can cope with right now.

I have a plumber who has an "emergency" number. I'm going to try calling it after church today to see if "emergency" extends to Sunday hours, and if he regards a possibly-dead hot water heater as an "emergency."

There's an outside chance that the gas pilot just went out - but the heater is 24 years old so I'm expecting it will need to be replaced. I got down on my hands and knees and tried to see where the pilot was and everything, and couldn't.

And the gas is not off in my neighborhood (though I wouldn't put it past the local gas company to shut off the gas for some reason and not tell anyone); I tried putting on the heat and IT worked.

I guess when I run to wal-mart in a few minutes, I go to the adjacent Lowe's and look at prices and models of water heaters. I've heard of the 'tankless' kind but it's my understanding you need one on every water line where you require hot water, and my house isn't exactly configured to allow that.

Ugh. The only good thing about this is that the newer heaters will be more efficient (cheaper to run). And the old one HAD been declining in its performance - if I wanted a REALLY hot bath last winter, I'd have to heat supplemental water on the stove. I suppose the old heater is all filled up with scale and crap from our hard water.

If I can just get a plumber. That's the issue. Last time I called a plumber, I was given ETAs of over a week, or in one case, 2 weeks. And that is Not Acceptable as far as not having hot water is concerned.

Saturday Surreal Spam

I just got a spam-message (at least I assume it to be such, I delete such things without ever opening for fear of malware)

from: System Adminstrator

subject: 1 unreal message


Is that like imaginary numbers? Are they beginning to send virtual spam? Is this the "etherware" I've heard so much about?

OMFG

There is just about nothing worse when doing figures for a research paper, or at least nothing I can think of, than getting them exactly perfect (or as perfect as my limited graphic-design skills can make them) and then transferring them from my laptop (which has a particular analysis program on it) to my desktop, so I can e-mail them to my co-author, and finding out the desktop doesn't have the same symbol-set - so all of the nice neat squares and triangles have turned into U's and &'s.

I used a string of words I normally rarely use when I found that out.

Especially since the laptop is old, and the program is buggy, and it was sending me round the bend earlier this afternoon with nonsensical error messages that it had no right to give me.

Fortunately, I realized (as I was gearing up to spend ALL DAMN NIGHT here and redo the $#(*&%#'ing things) that I could save them as .jpeg files and send them that way.

If my co-author doesn't like the figures as .jpegs? He can suck it. Or he can suck them. Whatever. I'm done with this.

(Seriously - I think that's my new not-to-be-voiced-in-public attitude about people or things that are not grateful, don't understand the hard work I put in, want to complain about petty things when I'm the only person making an effort to do certain large things, etc., etc.)

I'm going home. It's cruel and unusual punishment to still be working past 5 pm on a Friday.

It burns! it burns!

Oh, man.

I'm not a drinking woman, but if I were, I'd be heading to the package store after I get done with my grading.

The papers, they are not so good.

These are project-plan papers for one of my classes. I gave a list of guidelines and suggestions. I at least briefly discussed the topics each student chose with them, to let them know if the topic was appropriate or not. At least half of the papers have gone off on their merry way, not following a SINGLE guideline. Several of the projects planned are ones that I specifically told the students wouldn't work for this class when we had our pre-paper consult.

And on top of it, I feel like crap. My allergies are really bad - I feel like I'm coming down with a cold, but the cold NEVER COMES. I think it's going to be like this until the first frost, which could come as late as December here.

I'm just furious at the people who, after I spent time explaining why their project plan didn't fit in with the guidelines of the class, just went ahead and proposed it anyway - because it was easy, because it was what they wanted to do despite the class guidelines, because they didn't want to go searching for a new project.

No. I am bleeding red ink all over your paper. You are merely going to have to re-do the project. This is not like when you were 13 and your mother got so sick of telling you to clean your damn room that she finally gave up and just kept the door closed on your soiled underthings and moldy half-eaten sandwiches.

I have standards, dammit. And I can be even more stubborn than you are. I'm older, and I get a better paycheck. And it's my job to make you do stuff right. You wouldn't walk into your job and go, "Yeah, boss....I know you wanted a white-paper on the effects of hand-sanitizers on the development of antibiotic resistant bacteria, but see, last week I was really, really interested in Dokken, so I wrote a white paper on Dokken instead."

You'd be laughed out of the damn lab.

And college is preparation for the real world, if it isn't actually itself an outpost of the real world. So please take stuff seriously.

I will reiterate Ricki's First Rule for College Students:

Thou shalt not piss off thy professor.

And guys? With your deliberately non-conforming (DEFIANTLY non-conforming - you knew better) papers, you're really pissing me off.

Oh, and: there are 24 people enrolled in the class and I have received 19 papers. Which were due three hours ago. If anyone comes wanting to give me a late paper, I think I'm going to use the same insulting phrase Kathy Griffin used.

(And no, not, "This award is my god now.")

(And that's another rant for another time: short version: I'm not surprised, and I'm not so much offended as I'm just sad. Sad that someone thinks that's a way to get approval and a laugh. Sad that someone apparently has such a dim view of faith and those who practice it...but whatever. I don't find her funny at all, and I'm guessing the remark was frantically blowing on the dying embers of popularity...)

Question

This is particularly for caltechgirl, but if others see this, feel free to chime in:

Is a week TOO SHORT of a period of time for a college student to complete a homework assignment that includes:

Making a frequency table of 120 pieces of data and a graph from those data
Calculating the mean and standard deviation of a couple of smaller, sub-sampled groups from the overall set, plus the 120 points themselves (I told them I wanted "hand calculations" for the small sets, but they could use Excel or a calculator for the big set)
Answering five (5) questions.

I just had someone in here all gripey because he "only had a WEEK" to do this. (And he didn't have it done. And it is due in about 10 minutes).

Now, I know people have busy lives. But - a week? Surely that's enough time.

(On second thought - I'm just going to relent and give them until damn Monday. I have too much stuff to grade anyway this weekend, and I have another project I have to tackle on Saturday. And I don't like having a weekend with no time off for me.)

But I'm really getting tired of the constant complaints from this one fellow about the amount of time involved in doing the homework. They are NOT THAT LONG.

swag

I admit ahead of time, this is going to be gripe-y and kind of jealousy-motivated and all that. But whatever.

While taking a break between two bouts of grading this morning, I visited one of the yarn-purveyors I've ordered from in the past. And I noted on their "splash page" that they said they'd basically be out-of-office this week - because they're involved with some awards show or other, putting together and giving out "swag bags" of their yarn.

The whole concept of "swag bags" irritates me. Celebrities - people who have people fawning at their feet - get all kinds of free stuff, given them in the vague hope, I suppose that they'll mention the company that gave it in some interview (or maybe, so the company that gave it can claim "as used by Celebrity X!").

And yeah, I know some celebrities give away at least some of the stuff. But I wonder if maybe for a lot of them, there's really not that much joy in accepting a swag bag - "Oh, another bunch of crap that someone's trying to push" or something like that. I mean, when you have more money than God - do free sample sizes of new moisturizers and fluffy slippers really mean that much?

I know an awful lot of people who'd probably appreciate the swag bags more.

Let's see: the ladies who work in nursing homes, helping take care of people who are no longer capable of controlling their bodily functions. Soldiers on the front line (and I know - there's an immense grassroots effort to supply them with good stuff, and I applaud that). 911 dispatchers who work the overnight shift. Special-ed schoolteachers (many of whom buy supplies out of their own pockets). Church secretaries. Bus drivers.

Basically, all of the working stiffs who go do their job every day, who don't often hear a "thank you" or a "you're doing a good job."

And I know - doing the job well should be its own reward. But it's nice to hear a little thanks now and then. I've occasionally done small gift baskets (of nice soap, or fancy cookies and teas, things like that) for people who were particularly helpful to me, or people that I think work really hard and aren't appreciated...and well, the response tells me that it's worth doing.

I do hope the swag-bag-givers get a similar response from celebrities. But I don't know...some of the current crop aren't always known for showing gratitude or for appreciating others.

I just hope that yarn shop is only giving out its swag bags to celebs who actually knit or crochet...I'd hate to think of bags full of that lovely stuff being tossed in the trash by some starlet who rolls her eyes and thinks, "Who do they think I am, a grandma?" as she heads out for her next round of partying.

Another open letter

Dear neighbor,

I know you are the one person on my street who "walks" your dog by not putting a leash on the beast, and walking on the sidewalk while he runs wherever he pleases. So I am going to assume this is your fault.

Your dog crapped in the exact geographic centroid of my front yard.

Now, I wouldn't have so much of a problem if it had been at the edge - or if it had been on that useless strip that exists between the sidewalk and the street (which the city technically "owns," but which I am apparently responsible for mowing, edging, and weeding).

But instead, he went in the middle of my front yard.

You must also understand that I don't own a dog. Nor do I own a cat. Nor, even, a turtle. (I do not have pets partly because - and I am sure you are aware of this because you seem to watch the activity of everyone in the neighborhood - I am rarely home during the daylight hours and it does not seem fair to a pet to spend its days alone in a house or staked out in a back yard). So I do not expect to find random piles of poo in the middle of my yard.

I also might take this moment to remark on the dog's diet. Whatever you are feeding him, I think it contains too much insoluble fiber. You might try using canned food some of the time rather than exclusively dry.

At any rate: dog crap. Middle of my yard. I don't own a dog. I often get home in the evening as or even after the sun is going down. Those things do not make for a happy combination for me.

I was lucky this time - I happened to get home before it got dark and I saw the little cloud of flies that had gathered over the mess.

But now, you see, I am faced with a dilemma. I do not own a "sharpshooter" type shovel, or an appropriately non-stick garden shovel, or other tool that would work for removing the pile from the geographic centroid of my lawn and depositing it - I am not sure where. I do not own a compost pile because (as I am sure you remember) of the Renter Fiasco of 2003, where we all wound up with rat infestations because someone chose to rent a house on this street to a group of individuals with no talent for hygiene. So I really have no place to put the waste. And I do not wish to get close enough to baggy it. And I am not putting it in my trash; the hardworking garbage collectors of this city do not deserve to have to meet stinky dog poo at 8 am when they are doing the pickup on our street.

So, either I have to try to find a place to which I can move it, or I must leave it there until it decomposes. Which means I cannot mow that patch. And I know, because of the many times you have slipped me cards for Eugene n Jorge's Lawn Service, that you don't like the way I keep up my yard, especially the frequency (or rather, the infrequency) of my mowing. (I will observe - have you seen the house at #415 on our street? That is a family that does not mow frequently enough. At its tallest, the grass in my yard is less than 4". That is not a crime. And I will remind you: I often leave the house before dawn and return after dark. And I don't quite trust Eugene and Jorge, even if you use them...there's just something about getting a business card with two phone numbers crossed off and a third written on the back that doesn't inspire confidence in the businessman.)

At any rate: I do not wish to come close enough to your dog's leavings to remove them to my yard, even if the place I could remove them to existed in actual fact and not merely as a theoretical construct. So I will not be mowing that patch, probably for the rest of the year.

The other option, of course, is for you to come and retrieve it. I doubt that will happen, though. I also expect to find future piles because it's my experience that if someone doesn't bag their dog's waste, they never will, unless they're "persuaded" by a law - which we don't have on the books in this town.

So - although you feel you can deliver all kinds of unsolicited advice to me (oh, and I didn't appreciate the recommendation that I cut down my pecan tree; that tree provides shade which helps keep my house cooler in the summer. Just because it drops leaves and twigs on the lawn of the rent-house you own next door doesn't seems like a justification for killing a perfectly healthy tree), you cannot be bothered to either prevent your dog from taking a dump in a place where the unsuspecting homeowner may well step in it, or bag the creature's waste. I think that is extremely unfair and I consider myself justified in ignoring any and all of your future "Martha Stewart-ized" suggestions that I hire "people," or that I remove important landscape elements, or that I use large quantities of toxic chemicals to make my lawn more cosmetically appealing to you.

Because dog poo is, I think most people would agree, even less cosmetically appealing in a yard than some clover is. And as I remember, it was because of the clover in my yard that you thought I should unleash numerous toxic herbicides on my lawn (and, by extension, on the surface water in the area, the air, myself, and all other living things coming into contact with my lawn).

So, bug off. Don't presume to tell me how to clean MY stuff up, if you can't be arsed to clean up your dog's stuff.

My opinion on "extreme" fashion in general:

Do Not Want.

(seen first at It Comes in Pints?)

I can think of so many punchlines:

How many Smurfs had to die to make that shoe?
Does it transform into a little VW Bug?
Is that the Swiss Army Shoe? Does the stiletto heel turn into a nailfile?
I thought VPL* was a fashion crime, but apparently VSS** is not

(*Visible Panty Line)
(**Visible Slotted Screws)

So is it now officially okay to wear socks with sandals?
Do they double as crampons for when you mountain-climb? (The very word "crampon" makes the 14 year old in me giggle)
Does it come with training wheels?
That red thing on the back - is it a mudflap? Can you get it with a tiny little silhouette of a naked guy on it? (These being women's shoes...only about 1% of the female population would be interested in having a naked woman on their "mudflap." That said - I've seen "naked cowboy silhouette" mudflaps and they're really not all that - his legs look weird, too feminine or something)
Is that green piece sticking up in back a camouflaged 'fro pick?

I don't know. I guess some people look at those and go "WANT!" or else they'd not make them; I'm frankly puzzled by the things. (That said: they do rather look like a puzzle, kind of like Shoes by Rubik.)

And what are we supposed to do with this?

You know, there's a certain kind of news story I hate. It's a story that has a combination of "no sh*t, Sherlock" and "but there's no solution to it proposed" in it.

It's like the OMG WTF AMERICANS ARE LIKE SOOOOO OBESE stories. The only solution is individual people doing what they can. And to stop taunting the people who for whatever reason (hormone imbalance, on long-term prednisone therapy, whatever) who can't slim down to an "acceptable" weight (And I hope to God the upshot of these stories is not some kind of massive fat-camp movement where all of us with bmis over 20 or some not-in-this-lifetime value are herded off to break rocks for 14 hours a day until our next meal of shredded lettuce and lemon juice...)

But anyway. That particular crochet of mine aside, there was another one of those annoying stories this morning on the radio:

"MORE AND MORE AMERICANS ARE RISING BEFORE DAWN TO DRIVE TO WORK!"

um, yeah? And we're supposed to do what about it? I know they're referring to the people with hellacious commutes, who are leaving at four a.m. or some time like that just to try to avoid the worst of the traffic.

I have a five-minute commute and I often leave the house before dawn. This is because I have to be at work before 8, and I LIKE to be at work at least an hour before my first class so I can (a) put out any "fires" that came up overnight (and it happens, sometimes) and (b) prepare mentally for the class.

I put up with it. I put up with getting up at 5 am most days to work out. I do that because there's not really any other choice the way my life is configured. Is it a pain? Sure. Is it kind of depressing to drive to work in the dark at 6:45 a lot of the time? Sure.

But - absent Congress deciding to give us back the weeks of Standard Time they took away from us this year, I'm just GOING to be driving to work in the dark a lot.

So what Earthly use is it to me to hear a news story (at 6 am, when I'm staring in my closet and trying to figure out what to wear) about how so many Americans, poor babies, have to get up really early to drive to work, and they're doing it in the dark? I do not see any benefit of that story other than to make a lot of people feel kind of sorry for themselves. (I admit I did for a few moments after listening to the story).

I hope this isn't some kind of whipped-up issue, where one candidate or another is going to declare some kind of "public transport FOR ALL" and make the claim that people could leave the house later (or at least not have to drive to work at 0-dark-30) by all of us coughing up a few more bucks come tax time. (And, comes to think of it, perhaps part of a reason so many people work such long hours is the tax rate?) Or I hope it doesn't lead to some cockamamie scheme to require all businesses to start after 10 am or some fool thing.

What I WOULD like is to get Standard Time back. I honestly don't think this extension of Daylight Savings is going to save anything for anybody (except maybe for members of Congress who can get a few holes of golf every Thursday afternoon in after voting themselves bigger paychecks and us larger taxes...hrm.). And it means a lot more of us are driving in the dark for a lot longer this year.

What I DON'T want is some kind of top-down solution (well, other than giving us back something that worked in the past) like what Hugo Chavez did, where he set clocks forward a 1/2 hour to "benefit the metabolisms" of his citizens. (Seriously: WTF?)

What I also DON'T want is some kind of boondoggle where they're going to make buses run faster or something for the people who ride buses, and they're going to let all the rest of us pay for that. I can't take a bus to work, even if I wanted to: the buses in my town run from 8 am until 3 pm, and they're kind of "reserved" for seniors and the disabled (We don't have many buses). And at any rate - in a town of 12,000, it's kind of foolish to have a large-scale "intracity" public transportation system. (Now, if they wanted to bring back the Interurban trains that would run between my town and the nice shopping and arts areas of the cities an hour to three hours away from me, I could go with that. I'd love to be able to hop on an Interurban early on a Saturday, go see a matinee somewhere, do some shopping, and then get home by 8 pm to sleep in my own bed that night).

But - again. Why the news story? Why tell people something they already know: that commuting sucks and people are trying to come up with dodges to make it suck less. I've heard a few weak cries for "affordable housing close to places of employment" but in my experience, it seems that "enforced" affordable housing quickly becomes a place few people want to live (well, few people other than criminals).

So I don't know. But it irks me - especially on my longest workday of the week, especially when I'm already carefully planning the strategy to get prepped for my classes AND get the demonstration set up for one class AND set up the involved and extensive lab for another class AND make sure I'm available for a student who needs to take an exam early AND remember to do preparation for youth group this afternoon AND sometime find the time to change the burnt-out lightbulb in my porch light (which I need, so I won't break my neck on the stairs when I'm leaving the house before the sun's up, and coming home again after it's dark), that I hear some news story about how getting to work and the hours we must spend there sucks and we're all miserable.

As I said at the outset: no sh*t, Sherlock.

Six years on...

I wonder how many people are going to mark the day today. It's odd, but this year "feels" different than last year- the five-year mark has been passed, I suppose.

I still think about all the people who died. How horrible. Moms, dads, brothers, sisters, uncles, grandparents...all of those life-webs with a strand violently pulled out. The human tapestry frayed. That's what stays with me. How many people's lives were changed violently and suddenly.

I also think about the fear that followed that day - the sense of sitting around waiting for the proverbial "other shoe to drop." (I remember going out and gassing up my car - in case I had to, I don't know run for the hills?). I don't feel that this year. The fear has pretty much faded, which is a good thing.

I detect a certain weariness from some quarters - a sense of "but can't we move on already?"

I don't know. There's a difference between going about your life bravely and not letting yourself be scared, and pretending the thing never happened. I don't want us to pretend it never happened because that could then allow certain things...it could be like the slow boiling of the frog that never notices the temperature is going up in the water he's sitting in until it's too late. Pretending it never happened leads to pretending that there are not those who would change our culture - not for the better, at least not as far as most of us are concerned.

We need to define who we are.

I think of the stuff that happened after that day - how there was a big outpouring of love, it seemed. People did things they wouldn't otherwise do. It was like there was a suspension of the usual hostilities that exist in our culture.

Sadly, we've gone back to the snark and the sniping. (I don't know if that's part of the "pretend it never happened" squadron).

I don't want to see this day become another hollow "Federal Holiday" - already the calendars I have up at home and in my office refer to it as "Patriot Day." A pretty, sanitized name. "Patriot Day." It sounds so bloodless - like a Fourth of July with out the fireworks, without the memory of Jefferson and the Declaration.

I hope that in my lifetime we do not see "Patriot Day" become a time for carpet sales and dumb television ads - it's happened to Presidents' Day, and it's even happening to Martin Luther King Day in some quarters.

Maybe we need to re-name the day "Hell No" day. As in, "Hell no," we won't let families living on our soil as our citizens stone their daughters to death because she got pregnant out of wedlock. As in, "Hell, no," we won't make accommodations on college campuses for some faiths and then tell others that they can't have a classroom in which to meet after school. As in "Hell, no," we won't ban certain books or certain speech or certain whatever, simply because some people's sensibilities are offended by them. And "Hell, no," we won't pull grandma out of her wheelchair at the airport and take it to bits because we want to show the world how "sensitive" we are in searching passengers and not-profiling.

I don't know. I didn't mean to get so belligerent about it. But I have a friend - a woman from Britain who grew up there in the 40s and 50s - who says she will not go back now, because it's "changed" so much. When pressed, I learned that "changed" was a polite euphemism for "they've made so many accommodations for the separatist-minded Muslims that it doesn't feel like home any more." And that's sad. I had looked forward sometime to maybe GOING to Britain for a visit - but now I feel less inclined after hearing from my friend some of the things that she has seen while over there. And I don't want my country to change in that way.