open letter - edited

I need to be nicer about this.

I know it sucks to be new. And especially if you're in a position, as I guess my new-ish colleague is, where you don't have a lot of "more mature" family to listen and give advice. But I will say that it frustrated me to hear the loud complaining in a rather plangent voice about how the students don't "like" or "respect" you

I have all kinds of insecurities about the students not "liking" me or not "respecting" me. I admit to many times quietly closing my office door, putting my head down on my desk, and shedding a few tears of frustration. Or going home and frantically cleaning house because I'm angry. I guess I learned somewhere, earlier, that it's better to suck that kind of thing up in a professional situation, and not drag a more-senior colleague in to your office and complain at them. Perhaps it was different because I was tenure-track and you are "instructor" (and therefore, not tenure track) and I felt like I had to give an appearance of strength and unflappability.

And I admit, probably a certain part of my distress is that I am not used to people who are older than I am seeming to "break down" under stress I'm able to cope with.

Yeah, it did give me a headache. And yeah, I did go home earlier than I might have because I got tired of being an unwilling party to your freakout.

But, I guess in a way, I have to say I'm kind of relieved. Kind of relieved to learn I'm not the only one who feels like they don't have it all together. Maybe I even look, on the surface, like I have it together - like you did to me.

You're a hard person to get to know. I know we talked about superficial stuff, funny student stories, my research (and I know you said, as a 100%-teaching-appointment person, that you envied me that I had an opportunity to do research).

And yeah, I know the old Plato saying : be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. I kind of forgot it this afternoon when I got annoyed at you. I'm glad now I didn't say anything, or walk over to your office and glare at you for the noise.

Look, if you want advice at some point, if you want to talk to someone, I'm here. I know I'm kind of stressed out now and a little short of time, but we all are. But if you're really freaking out, I can make time, if I seem like the kind of person who can give advice or guidance or something.

It's just, I'm so used to sucking up the stuff that bugs me - or so used to writing it out instead of talking about it - that maybe I look a little, I don't know, impenetrable to you.

But anyway. Students suck sometimes. It's just the way it is. It's easy to get frustrated with them and think they hate you. I've had classes I thought "hated" me until I read my evaluations or until a couple of the students came back the next semester to thank me. You just need to stay strong and realize that when they resent you for making them work hard, that's a temporary condition; they'll thank you when they get to med school or grad school or out on the job and realize that they can remember the stuff you made them learn.