hope springs eternal

Maybe, just maybe, I won't have a lot of Speshul Snowflakes this semester.

So far my non-majors class looks good - they have asked some very good questions, questions that show me they're actually paying attention. And they've gotten into discussion and stuff. And they've laughed at a few of the intended-to-be-funny things I've said.

Oh, yeah, there's still the people in there who apparently have not had to exercise critical thinking skills, but I have a few "non traditional students" who seem pretty engaged and who will speak even if no one else is willing to.

Hard to tell with my other classes so far. One of them, to my annoyance, turns out to conflict with a one-credit hour course that seniors in another department MUST take the semester they are to graduate...and I always get several seniors from that department, because my class is a cognate for them. So Wednesdays I am missing 6 students from that class. It annoys me but nothing can be done short of changing the time of my class (other department is INFLEXIBLE) and I'm not sure I want to do that, as changing the class to the next most reasonable time would conflict with classes our own majors were taking.

One thing I can say about college teaching for me is, no matter how beaten down and sick of it I am by the end of one semester, I'm back again filled with hope for the start of the next semester - that this semester will be better, that the problems I had last semester could be traceable to personalities in my classes (and they often are) and with a new mix of people things will be better.

I'm trying not to worry too much about the possibility of mass classes in the future. Most everyone I've talked to on the faculty is roundly opposed to the idea (and also, I think, when the admin really looks at the numbers they will see it won't work: if you have to pay someone extra to teach a big class, or give them release time, you will have very small if any savings.) One of our big selling points has always been that we have small classes EVEN IN THE INTRODUCTORY CLASSES and that gets some students who could/would otherwise go to the larger more prestigious schools in the state. And so, I feel like, if we lose that, we will lose our shot at those students - and they tend to be good ones, folks who work hard and get good grades (and could get into those more prestigious schools) and want to do research and stuff.

I'd hate to see us become, as one of my colleagues said, "a glorified community college." Nothing against them, but I had a very bad experience one semester in grad school teaching at one - because of competition between several CCs in the area, this one carved out a niche (I found out later) by having VERY low admissions standards. I had two students who were functionally illiterate. I had others who regularly came to class sufficiently hung-over that they couldn't do anything. The average on my first exam - an exam that my students at the grad school I was going to would have laughed at - was about a 50%. I was called into the office and told I needed to lower my standards and "not disappoint" the students. And after that, I decided, "Well, this is not for me. If I'm supposed to give people the false hope that they can get a better career with a degree from this place, when they have gained no actual skills or knowledge, I don't want to be in on the scam." So I have a skewed view of CCs, even though I know there are many good ones.

However, I do think having "being able to pay the tuition in some fashion" as your sole admissions standard is not a good way to run a campus. Which is seriously what I think the community college I taught at had.

As I've said: the best students we get at my current school are as good as the best students pretty much anywhere. They're the ones who make teaching worthwhile. They're the ones who keep me soldiering on even when there other students roll their eyes, or sit tipped back in their chairs, arms crossed, defying me to "make" them learn something, or who score badly on exams and then come crying to me that they're really making As in all their other classes (which is usually a lie: they forget we can check their transcripts online). And I'd hate for the good students we get to either get fed up (by being shoehorned into 700 person intro sections) or decide to go somewhere else.

Also: if I have to teach big sections, I can't easily do things like take 15 minutes with a student who calls me up with questions that are tangentially related (but interesting, and he is interested in them) to what we are doing in class. If I'm too busy shoveling speshul snowflakes, the students who care and who might reach out get snowed under. And that makes me sad, because it's the people like the guy who called me up and said, "I know this really doesn't relate a lot to class, but if you have time, I would like to ask you about this topic..." that make teaching lots of fun and make me feel like I'm making a difference in the world.

just one of those things...

It occurs to me, that if you're going to claim that Wagner was an "anti-Semitic d*bag" and that his music should never again be played because of that, AND you have been known to wear a Che Guevara t-shirt at times, your argument has lost some of its force.

Oh, I don't disagree about Wagner having been an anti-Semite (though I suspect if we searched the pasts of many composers, looking for reasons not to play their music, we'd have awfully quiet airwaves). But talking about someone's unpleasant beliefs while you have (I assume, because you stuck his face on your chest) tacitly approved of a murderous thug....


I realize that "consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" and all that, but still. I find it distasteful that people wear Guevara t-shirts, apparently not knowing the misery he inflicted on some folks.

Perhaps a cheering thought

It is funny how things pop into my head sometime.

I was sitting in church yesterday morning, and the thought came into my head: if the teaching thing really does go south, and it's no longer desirable to teach (be it for reasons of special-snowflake-dom or the administration wanting to turn us into an IRL version of University of Phoenix), I could put my vague "retirement plan" into place.

My vague 'retirement plan' - something that's been rattling around in my head for four or five years - is to go to seminary, learn to be a minister, get ordained, and then either serve as a pastor in a church, or do something like chaplain at a hospital.

I say the plans are "vague" because I don't know if I genuinely have "the call" or not - I'd have to spend a lot of time contemplating it, and maybe talk to people who know. (Though I will say, I've had more than one person - one of them a retired minister - ask me if I had ever considered going into ministry. Which I actually did, as a young teenager, but then decided later I didn't really have "the call." But maybe I actually do. I don't know).

But anyway. It popped into my head that if things got really bad at my current workplace, even though it would mean pulling up stakes, making a big change ("We fear change" - Garth Elgar), taking some risks with my life, going back to student mode, still, if I'm willing to put some effort into things, I will succeed, eventually. Or, I will be "taken care of." I don't mean, like, by finding a sugar daddy - I mean, the thought I got, was "God will take care of you somehow, if you just keep trying, and if what you want to do is the right thing."

I'm not ready yet. And none of the things I am worrying about at my current workplace may even come to pass - or if they do, they may not be as bad as I feared. But for me, having a plan - even a vague plan - helps. It's like knowing there's a little escape pod I can jump into if things get too bad here, and though it may be rocky and difficult for a while, likely I will land safely somewhere and will be able to keep on keepin' on.

Aaaaannnnddd...

We pick ourselves back up off the floor, and head back out for another day of work, come what may in the future.

Because there is simply no other choice.

I used to say, during hard times, that at least I could take the small comforts of life: a nice cup of tea, a slice of pie at a coffee shop or old-style diner, going to the craft store for a half-hour or so. I have to try to turn back to those things and milk as much happiness as I can out of them, and try not to imagine whatever impending changes there may be hanging over my head.

I continue to soldier on because it's all I know how to do.

sigh

This whole week has just been a big ball of suck on the personal front for me. I've had banking problems, bad news at work, snipy colleagues talking smack about people who happen to disagree with them politically. I've had stuff break, stuff go wrong, people take stuff that was said the wrong way.

I'm just kind of tired and sad. I get like this once in a while. And I get to feeling kind of sorry for myself. If I had been smart enough - or outgoing enough - or WHATEVER enough - and had managed to marry, I would not be facing all of this alone. I could come home and talk it over with someone else, get someone else's opinion. And I'd have someone else to come with me to the bank and back me up - or someone to sit by the phone at home and wait on a call while I am out taking care of necessary things. (And I'd have the chance at other times to feel useful by doing the same for him).

Sometimes being single in a community that is mostly couples and families feels a lot like fighting your way through a South American jungle with a dull machete while everyone else has chainsaws and Bobcats.

And you know, I know people love me and all. But sometimes I need to hear it. And yet, I can't quite bring myself to call a relative up - or a friend - and say to them, "Tell me that you love me." To me, that feels manipulative and needy. And the truth is, yes, dammit, I'm emotionally needy right now but I don't want those closest to me to know. It's kind of a very personal hell to be in - to feel like you need something but also have your feelings of not wanting to LOOK like you need it be greater than that need.

I'm just very worried and very scared about what will happen with my career. If teaching gets to be untenable, what do I do? I don't have a hella lot of skills. I don't have sufficient love or tolerance of my fellow man to do stuff like wait on tables - I'd be dumping hot soup in people's laps and stuff like that. I don't think I quite have enough saved up to go back to school and learn to do something else...and then what would I do with all my stuff? I'd have to sell my house and move away. I'd probably have to sell all my books. Or put them in storage, where they'd be damaged or stolen. (Been there, done that, years ago.)

Maybe this is the end of college teaching as a career for people, the future is University of Phoenix where people with "real jobs" moonlight (literally; I know someone who worked for them and they were expected to be available quite late into the night) by being "content providers." I don't want to be a content provider. I want to be a professor. But maybe that career is going away. And maybe some would say it's time for it to go away, maybe we really are all a waste of tax dollars. I don't know. Maybe only the really damn good hot-shot researchers will have university careers. And the rest of us - those of us who are at best "floppers," will have to go out and try to find something else to do with our lives. (I don't do research that would be interesting or seen as valuable by most people. I'm not curing diseases or looking for new energy sources. Actually, some days I ask myself if I even deserve this job.)

I realize on some level that I'm whipping myself up into a flurry of "what ifs," but it's my nature to want to be prepared - emotionally or otherwise - for bad crap that's going to happen. That sometimes mean I agonize a lot over stuff that never happens.

I don't know. I almost snapped at my dad last night, he asked, "Are you getting enough to eat?" I mean, of all the nonsensical questions (from my perspective, at least). I almost said, "Dad! I weigh [number redacted] pounds, I could afford to miss a few meals. But I'm not! And of all the ways I could fail to take care of myself, that's the one I'm least worried about!" And I've been on the verge of tears a few times this week.

It is too early in the semester for me to feel this way. I need some kind of good news, or, actually better, some kind of reassurance.

(I need reassurance - both that I am doing all right, that I am not totally screwing everything up, that I am not horrible at what I am doing - and in a more cosmic sense, that things will be all right (and I don't just mean all right "on the other side," I don't want to have to wait for that). I don't feel up to asking the people right around me for it though. It's hard for me to ask for emotional support when I need it because I have cultivated this illusion of being the tough strong career woman who doesn't need anybody...)

I had something at church I was supposed to go to tonight but I'm just going to skip it. I'm tired and I have a sore throat. I don't absolutely have to be there (it's not like a meeting that I need to be at). I know I will have people sad-faced on Sunday because I didn't show up, but you know? I just don't feel well. (And I know: "If you feel sad, go out and be around people; it will make you feel better." It doesn't always work that way for me. In fact, often I feel more stressed...because the parents get onto the parenting discussion and I have nothing to say, or because I feel like I have to be "up" and entertaining, or just because the whole thing breaks up later than I would like it to and I worry about being tired the next day).

I suppose all of this COULD be because I'm coming down with a cold (hence the sore throat). That would be the best possible explanation.

bang, the shoe falls

We got an e-mail today telling us to brace for a 20% budget cut this fall.

Which means no budget for adjuncts, and (I fear) none for TAs. Like, none at all. Like, the intro labs that we usually staff with TAs, we will have to staff. Which means big honking unpaid overloads for all of us.

And we may be seeing "temporary" pay cuts. Depending on how big those are, that could be an issue. I budget pretty closely so I can sock away a lot for retirement - I may have to rethink that and just pray for big gains in my investments or plan on working 'til 75 (and pray I stay healthy enough to), and cut my retirement savings.

They're also pushing us to consolidate classes: courses where there are four or five sections of maybe 40, lump them all into one giant section. The carrot has been proffered of 3 hours of "release time" or extra pay for whoever bites that bullet. But I - and the colleagues I've spoken to - are highly opposed to this, because:

a. our main selling point is that we have small classes with personal attention. Put 150 kids in a class and you can't give them attention.

b. the 10% or so of Speshul Snowflakes that make your life miserable - that would be 4 in a typical class now, 15 to 20 in a mass class. That alone makes me almost want to stop teaching. I really cannot deal with people who either have problems of their own creation, or have truly trivial problems that they then puff up into reasons why they need special accommodations. I am sure the 3 hours of release time would not be enough to deal with the added load of pain.

c. If they start doing that with the intro classes, we lose majors. We lose majors, we have other classes that can't make - it becomes a vicious cycle.

d. There will be pressure to, for example, teach ecology once a year only, with a big lecture of 40-70 people, and then teach the labs as 2-3 jampacked labs. So they get less attention. (And we already get half load credit for labs...so you could wind up with ten of your contact hours being lab, when you're actually IN lab for 20 hours a week, plus the unpaid prep time).

e. It just furthers the eating away of people's morale.

f. Three hours of release time means that majors-level classes do not get taught. I teach typically 12-14 hours per semester; three of that is the non majors class, the rest of it is divided among majors' classes. If I had three hours of release time to take, I'd have the unappealing choice of "which majors' class do I cancel?" (I wouldn't take extra pay. I have sufficient money for my happiness right now; what I don't have is sufficient time. I would rather at this point have more time and less money than more money and even less time).

g. This will hamstring research. If we're all teaching 200 student sections and doing unpaid overloads, none of us will have time for research. (As a colleague said: we will be come a de facto community college)

I know, I know: I should be happy in this economy to have a job. But this seems very poorly thought out. We are already "down" a person in my department, and we all generate a high number of FTEs or whatever the hell they call them (student butts in seats per faculty hour).

I don't know. What I said yesterday about job worry/job satisfaction stands. Even if poor decisions come down the pike and then are shot down, it still hurts morale. One of my colleagues had to spend about 10 minutes figuratively talking me off the ledge after I got the email and started thinking about classes of 200 and what that would entail. (I know, lots of people teach them, but part of the reason I came specifically HERE is because I thought I would never have to teach them).

Yeah, the economy is recovering SO well.

that "dissatisfaction" thing.

There was a report over the New Year's break, stating that Americans' "job satisfaction" levels were declining.

Now, granted, there is possibly some media hype in there. Or possibly some fudged statistics. But I can tell you that in the past semester - the past year - my satisfaction with my job has gone down a bit.

And it's all "external" factors - things over which I have no direct control. I can name three big things. These things may also be true of other people who have started doing things like reading books on going back to the land (something I do periodically. And no, I don't think I could actually do it.)

1. The whole country feels somewhat unstable. I feel like I'm waiting for another big shoe to drop - tax-wise, regulation-wise, who knows. (Though I feel like maybe that shoe will be a bit less heavy given yesterday's election...) I keep waiting for the next big plan that will tax us to death. I look at my own finances - I am doing comfortably well for now, but I'm not really left with a whole lot at the end of the month. I put away $700 a month in a TIAA-CREF account (that is before I ever see the money). I just about tithe at my church, and I give small amounts of money other places, like the Salvation Army. I can cover my utilities bills, and I have the "good" cable package (though I see now that they are jacking its price up again). I have enough money to buy sufficient nutritious food and even to eat out once or twice a month. And I buy books and embroidery floss and quilt fabric and suchlike.

BUT: if there were some big new tax levied on me, or if a VAT on top of our income tax was shoved through (I have no problem with the concept of a national sales tax IN PLACE OF an income tax, and in fact I think that plan might have certain things to recommend it), I'd have to cut back somewhere. Not sure where. It doesn't make sense to me to cut back on retirement savings, because I have no trust that the government will be able to afford to even pay me back what I paid in to Social Security (and even though I'm a prof, and we often aren't covered, some of my taxes taken out do go to them). And cutting back on nutritious food feels wrong: why should I endanger my health because of taxes? To think that I might have to eat Kraft Dinner instead of the fresh spinach I buy, just so I can pay more taxes, makes me angry. And cutting back on giving also feels wrong.

I suppose I could cancel my cable, but that's one of my few forms of entertainment. And I couldn't even get the weather then, without having to go to the internet for it.

So I think a lot of people feel very unsure about what's going to happen: what are we going to be bailing out next? What new crap sandwich is going to be served us on a silver platter, and we are told to enjoy it because it's good for us?

2. This is somewhat related to #1: On the job, people are unsure about what's going to happen next. In a lot of cases, one person is doing the work that two formerly did. People are tired. But a lot of people feel like if they speak up, they may be the next to go. I have friends who say they feel "fear" at their jobs, because of the cuts.

And in my own profession - well, I am lucky in that I have tenure and unless we were really to have terrible, unbelievable budget problems, I can't be let go. (They can "RIF" - "reduction in force" - people if they are in danger of having to close the school. And yes, even tenured folks). But - we are operating on a smaller budget. Things have been cut to the bone. I mentioned I am working without teaching assistants - they usually worked as lab preparators for me, or they took some of the pressure off during lab by answering student questions so I was not run ragged in my big labs. This year, there's little money, and frankly, the gross anatomy class needs a preparator far more than I do. But it's going to hurt....I'm going to have to take a couple extra hours each week to do that stuff. (And woe unto ANY student who leaves unwashed glassware on the bench! I get on to them for that when they do it when there's a TA who technically would make more money (because they spend more time working), but it's really bad to have a prof have to wash glassware "on her own time.")

And speaking of "on our own time" - there's now a push for, I think it's called, community engagement? We are "expected" to do public service volunteer work. And we're "expected" to get students involved. It is not a requirement as of yet but I could see it becoming one. And we're expected to write an annual report of our activities. And we see, as far as I can tell, no benefit from doing this report. I suspect the admin who thought up the idea may win an award sometime down the road, and it's us who did all the work on it.

Don't get me wrong: I don't object to doing volunteer work. Hell, I do quite a bit. But I do object to (a) being told to harass the students - some of whom work long hours to pay to go to school - to do the same (b) having to write up a report and (c) the intimation that only 'certain' work qualifies - that my working at a church-sponsored food bank might not count because of the religious connection.

Oh, and the biggest objection? The sense I get - and I realize this is very much an "I feel" statement, but I feel like the university is saying "I OWN you. Even on your time off. And I can make you work for me."

And I think a lot of people are feeling that - that their careers are creeping into the time off that they have, and that they can't say "no" to it.

And a lot of time we get asked to do stuff - write additional reports, go to meetings, go to workshops - and often we are given very little turnaround time. We are told about something for the first time maybe 24-48 hours before it is due (in some cases). And I know we "only" have 12-14 "contact" hours, but that doesn't mean the rest of our time we're sitting in our offices, and that we will merrily pipe back "I'm free!" like Mr. Humphries when someone asks us to do something. No, more often, if it's me, I'm doing the lab prep I don't have a TA for, or grading, or prepping for teaching, or trying to get a little research time in, or advising students, or helping students. Getting an e-mail at 3 pm that says, "OH HAI YOU NEED TO DO THIS BY 5 PM TOMORROW" is only going to make me angry. And overwhelmed. I get overwhelmed a lot these days, to the point where I actually snapped at a student once.

3. The third reason I think a lot of people are struggling with job dissatisfaction is other people. It seems to me that the "speshul snowflakes" - the people who feel entitled to anything and everything they want, because, dammit, they're SPECIAL - are taking over the world. I've had more demanding e-mails in the past semester - demanding stuff it was not my place to provide. Asking for stuff like extended due dates when I already told them I didn't take late papers. Or doing stuff like just e-mailing me the paper late (two no-noes there) and expecting I will happily grade it. Or coming and complaining to me. Or telling me "You need to make it so I can attend a different lab." (Um, buddy? I have no authority over labs even if I wanted to do that).

And that's even before you deal with the people who want to text in class. Or who take up three students' worth of space with all the crap they carry around - laptops and loaded backpacks and extra sweatshirts and their laundry baskets and who knows what. And they get cranky if someone asks them to move something so they can sit down.

And there are the people who walk-and-text. I've nearly been mowed down several times in the hall by flocks of students punching away at their cell phones, and just expecting that any oncoming traffic will get out of their way.

And that's just MY experience. Friends who work as receptionists at doctors' offices, who work in different offices-that-help-people, that work retail, have even worse stories.

(And I admit: yeah, it's possible to have a bad day. I had a problem with a check and had to go down to my bank to straighten it out and I melted down a bit (got teary and loud) when they told me they couldn't help me. But I realized I was losing my stuff, and apologized, and said I had had a hard day (it was true) and straightened up)

It's like a lot of people have forgotten how to live in community. It's like they have forgotten there are other people around them, like they think they are the only ones who matter.

And so all those things together...well, they make me want to cocoon up in my house (the fear about what's going to happen re: government, and also the rise of the speshul snowflakes) and also make me worried and twitchy about the future of my job - both in terms of "how bad is the budget going to be come fall" and in the sense of "will there come a breaking point where I will say, "I cannot do this any more"?" either because of piled-on responsibilities, or because of sense-of-entitlement people making my life hell.

And so I think it's not so much dissatisfaction - I still love teaching, still love doing research - as a vague worry that eats at my ability to be perfectly content in my career.

I'd like to see things change. I'd like to see people wake up a bit and realize that they are not a COW (center of world). I'd like to see some backing-off on added duties, ESPECIALLY considering that some of us are working without TAs, and that those of us who teach lab science get 1 hour credit load for two hours in lab (which also might include an hour or more of prepwork and clean up). And I'd like to see the government step off on its intrusion into our lives.

sadly, I don't see any of that happening soon.

Wednesday morning quarterbacking

So, two of my colleagues are bemoaning yesterday's election results. One of them remarks, "Now Congress won't get ANYTHING done!"

and I'm sitting here thinking, you say that like it's a problem.

I will say I'm insulating myself as much as possible - under the guise of it being a busy day - because I really am in no mood to hear spleens being vented about how stupid people in Massachusetts and America in general are supposed to be.

Could it possibly be, not that people are stupid, but that they think statism is a bad idea, and they see the way to stop it is voting against people who tend to advocate it? Gah. I hate politics.

y'know what...

These days, whenever I hear a politician talk about giving "the working public a fair shake" (as I overheard on the teevee a little while back), I now envision them holding us upside down by our ankles to see how much loose change will fall out of our pockets. And maybe, if they're REAL lucky, they can get the whole wallet to fall out.

Feh. I used to say, "When a politician says 'It's for the children,' hold on to your wallet." Now I think "When a politician is talking, hold on to your wallet."

Catalogs, I get catalogs...

...and sometimes they have stuff in 'em that make you go, "What the HECK?"

Here's one. This is from Acorn, which is sort of an Anglophile catalog. They are offering editions of three well-known works where they can substitute in your name...or names of people in your family - to up to a certain number of characters in the book.

(They had books like that when I was a little kid. They were frankly pretty crappy, or at least the couple I had were. Not well written at all and once you got past the novelty of seeing your name and your pet's name in the story, it was kind of MEH.)

The three classic works currently on offer are

Pride and Prejudice.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

AND

Romeo and Juliet.

That was the one that made me truly go "WTF." Because, if I remember correctly, the catalog copy seemed to hint that these would make nice romantic gifts.

I have not read Romeo and Juliet, I admit it. But it's kind of hard not to know the story in our culture.

THE TWO LEADS DIE AT THE END!!!!

Doesn't it seem a little creepy to you, to have your name and the name of your SO subbed in for R and J, knowing that he will drink poison and she will stab herself?

Or is it the kind of thing you have made up as a "Fatal Attraction" gift for a lover who has spurned you?

I don't know, but if I see that sort of thing promoted as a Valentine's Day present, I will know there are some very stupid people in this world.

(And the others: it feels kind of banal, and perhaps heretical, to me to have, say, "Brittany" and "Josh" take the place of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy.)

Hitting the ground running

It's going to be a busy semester. Two of my classes are 100% full (as in: there is no where else in the room for someone to sit), the third is close to 100% full. I have something like 8 Readings students. And I have two graduate students. The first one just began her research but she's very independent so I can just unlock the room for her and let her work - she has done all the necessary reading and has the experimental design figured out.

And I have an undergrad research student. I have mixed feelings about this one; this person can be EXTREMELY demanding, and yet at the same time they are very enthusiastic. And I think this person realizes that they sometimes make life difficult for the profs; this person has prefaced coming in to see me with "Sorry, I'm here to make your life difficult again" or something similar.

And we're waiting for some shoes to drop. First, the FEMA certification thing - are we doing it as an online training, or, as I've read some of the information, are we going to have to block out time when we can go and sit in a room and be talked at and then do a simulation? And are we going to be asked to cancel classes, or give up a weekend for it?

There's also the budget issue. I am working without teaching assistants this semester. A lot of us are. Some people are lucky enough to have students that "owe" them (because the prof in question got the student an internship, or the student is doing paid research with them) that they can get a few volunteer hours out of. We've also been told that we may run out of copying budget. (If that happens? I will just drive to the nearest Kinko's when it comes finals time and copy my finals on my own damn dime. I'm not going to go to "project the question on the screen and make everyone take blue book tests" situation). And that we may see another 8-10% budget reduction.

Although that sounds grim, it could be a lot worse. For one thing, we are a very collegial department and we're willing to share the sacrifices that need to be made - people were saying stuff at the meeting like, "I know you really need a TA for that lab; I can make do without having a grader this term" and things along those lines. If we were a turf-battle-y sort of department it would be a lot more difficult to deal with but everyone seems to have the attitude of "This sucks, but we all have to deal with the suck so let's do what we can to make it seem to suck less."

And so far, there's been no rumor of pay cuts or "furlough days." (I'm not sure how that even WORKS if you are a prof...support people, yeah, I could see custodians not coming in certain days, but if you're a prof - you can't very well cancel classes. And you have a set amount of work to do and no one really gives a flip if you complete it all in one big miserable frantic day, or spread out over a couple of days. And I tend to prefer taking my time on stuff. So I suspect for many profs a "furlough day" would be a de facto short-term pay cut, because we wouldn't work LESS.)

And, of course, on a global scale, it could all be worse. What's going on in Haiti is sad, and hearing the politicization of tragedy is sad. I've done what I can do: sent a donation to a reputable organization that has a long-term track record of helping in these situations, and then tried not to get too caught up in the grief-wank that the news is trying to generate. Yes, it's sad. And it's tragic if someone you care about is there and you don't know how they are. But - there seems to me to be something vaguely distasteful and exploitative about news anchors sticking microphones in the faces of Haitian ex-pats who have gone to church to pray for their friends and family members back home, and ask them how it feels to be waiting without any word. (I always wish someone would spit at the news person and say, "How the hell do you THINK it feels?" as they push past them.)

I will say I've seen an awful lot of kindness done by people who want to help. By and large, Americans (the only group I really have experience with, but I expect other nationalities are the same) are decent people who care, and who care even about people they've never met. And that often they will give even when it means that they have to rebudget and do without some things they might want or even need. That's one of the beautiful things about this country - that we are really not selfish, regardless of what some may claim.

RIP, Miep Gies

Miep Gies - one of the people who helped hide the Frank family during WWII - has died, at 100.

I remember reading a (probably abridged) version of Anne Frank's Diary as a schoolgirl. I remember being sad and horrified that such a thing would happen to people, simply because some "leader" said that they were different and wrong.

And I remember being angry - angry that people like Miep Gies would have to put their own lives in danger, because what was going on in the world around them so contrasted with the values they held. And I always wondered: If it were me, would I be brave enough to hide people? Would I be brave enough to keep bringing food and supplies, knowing each time I did, I was risking my own life?

I honestly don't know. I'd like to think I WOULD be brave enough to say "Damn the risk, I'm doing what's right" and go on and do it.

I hope no one ever has to face that choice again. (But knowing this bad old world, they probably will - heck, there are probably people in Iran or China or South America facing similar choices under different situations, humans' hatred of people who are "different" being what it is).

I'm glad, though, that she wasn't caught. And that she preserved the diary. And that she had a long - and I hope, peaceful, life afterwards. (I hope she had a peaceful life and took some comfort in that she had done the right thing, even if the residents of the Attic were ultimately captured)

New semester

My syllabi are done (A whole day before they "have" to be - they would have been done earlier had the Little Ice Age not slowed my return home).

I guess I'm ready for a new semester. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Speshul Snowflakes will be minimal this semester. I did put some new scary language in my syllabi (about not abusing cell phones in class, and I put an attendance policy in for the classes where I didn't already have one - I hate doing that but, you know? If students behave like children, I have to treat them like children. I'm done with people skipping 20 class sections and then coming to me in the last week of classes asking me how it's possible they're getting a D because they get As in all their other classes...)

I've got a few new ideas for some things to maybe grab their attention more (for the soil science class, I'm going to bring in one of those shiny newspaper inserts, my tea mug, the little container of "mineral" face powder I wear, a tube of mud facial mask, a bottle of Kaopectate, and maybe one of the little china dogs from my collection, and observe that they all have something in common. (They all contain, in some form or another, clay, which is one of the components of soil). It's sort of a silly little thing but maybe it will get people's interest.

I'm also a bit concerned - and maybe some of you wise people who are more involved with government agencies will know what this is - but we got a cryptic e-mail referring to NIMS training through FEMA. I did Google it, but all I know is that it's something to do with responding to "incidents" and it's a preparedness thing. That doesn't tell me what I want to know: which is, is the "training" maybe watching videos online and taking a questionnaire that anyone with reasonable common sense could pass, or is it going to be some kind of horrible, paper-work filled thing, that they will doubtless spring on us on a Friday afternoon (or worse, for me, a Monday morning, and tell us it has to be done by midday Tuesday).

I called my dad who used to do a lot of safety-related stuff with students, but he didn't know. (I presume this is something new).

I'm apprehensive because of late, we've had a few things sprung on us with very short notice to complete them - almost like the person doing the springing didn't realize that we are teaching and doing research and advising students and (now) doing volunteer work (and documenting same, for a new administrative push for "engagement"). Or maybe the person doing the springing just isn't doing any of those things.

I have a post brewing on the report that came out last week about increasing job dissatisfaction in Americans, and how (though I still like most of the aspects of my work) there have been things that have happened in the last year that make even me feel less content and satisfied....

Good riddance, 2009.

Yeah, I'm finally back. I was delayed by the Wrath of Al Gore that seems to have gripped most of the nation this week.

Anyway, even though even-numbered years have historically not been so good for me (my cousin who committed suicide did it in 2004, I lost a lot of people I loved in 2008), I'm glad to see a new year here.

And I was thinking back over 2009, and one thing that seems to have been a theme that year, which I sincerely hope doesn't continue, is the idea of attention whoring and the people who do idiotic and dangerous things to try to get on television.

We started out (and ended, it looks like, from the Celebrity Apprentice stories) with Rod Blagojevich, disgraced politician. Dude cannot shut up. Dude has the "look at what I can do!" (anyone remember MAD tv?) complex so badly. In January or so, he was digging himself into holes comparing himself to Gandhi and Martin Luther King. (Seriously, Rod, what the heck?). And he's still claiming some form of innocence.

And then there was the whole Jon and Kate mess. Granted, they already had a show (but don't anymore, I presume). But cripes, what an ugly thing. It's always sad to see a marriage disintegrate, it's even worse seeing it on the news. Not that it's what I'd regard as newsworthy, but I'm coming to think that "bread and circuses" doesn't just apply to ancient Rome any more. Mainly in that situation I feel bad for the kids, who were pretty much exploited in the show and who now are probably caught up in a custody mess.

And then in October, there was Balloon Boy. Disgusting. I remember feeling like a chump because I actually prayed for the kid when the radio news (I was driving around in my car and didn't have access to a tv to see what the balloon looked like; had I, I might have questioned how a kid could actually be lifted by such a comparatively small thing) said he was probably in the balloon. And then the whole thing melted down pretty spectacularly. I think that whole family is a banner case of "can't foresee consequences." How could you NOT think you'd be caught out in that situation? How could you not think your six-or-whatever-he-was year old child wouldn't blurt to the words your idiotic-if-not-nefarious plans? (Note to would-be Dr. Evils: Do not have small children in your entourage.) But they were blinded by the desire to get on the telly, and so they tied up rescue crews for hours (I hope no one actually needed help during that time and didn't get it as a result).

And then there were not two, but three White House gatecrashers. Apparently the one couple had aspirations of getting on a "Real Housewives" show with the stunt. And apparently the woman involved claimed all kinds of crap about herself at first - that she had been a cheerleader for the Redskins and such - that never actually happened. Again, lies like that: how do you think you're NOT going to be found out? Do you really think people won't bother to fact-check? (Well, yeah, increasingly they DON'T, at least on the news, but there's probably someone out there anal enough or cynical enough to look things up, and then blog/Twitter about it.)

I don't know. I think of the old dictum, which my grandmother once quoted, that a true lady got her name in the paper three times in her life: when she was born, when she married, and when she died. Now, I admit, times have changed, and I'm glad in many ways they have, but if I ever get my name in the news, I want it to be for something good and worthwhile - like, I witness a bad accident and use my first aid skills to save someone's life before the paramedics get there, or I discover a new species, or I come up with some kind of clever new lab technique.

If I ever get so desperate for attention that I start doing stupid and reckless stuff, I hope my friends and colleagues will slap some sense into me.

T-2

Just a few more days - during which I have nothing of consequence I have to do - and I get to go see my family.

I'm practically vibrating I'm so excited to have the time off and to get to see them.

As I was leaving after Thanksgiving, I said, "I'll be back in just about 2 1/2 weeks." But DANG, those were a long couple of weeks. I'm really tired and I really need the time off.

A blessed Christmas to all who celebrate. I know I am very much looking forward to mine - to decorating the tree, to seeing people I don't get to see often, to laughing with my family, to eating my mom's good cooking, to having time to relax, all of that.

I wish everyone had as great of a family as I have, and could enjoy spending time with them.

I can't quite believe it

But this semester is over. I turned in my grades Friday (after dealing with a few of the standard, "Can't you do extra credit just for meeeee? I won't TELL anyone" e-mails. And at that point I'm not concerned about hurt feelings any more as I won't have to see these people (well, most of them) again, so I just sent a flat, "No. I can't do that." to them.)

I did make an error on totaling the grades in one class but fixed it after a student very politely called me and said, "I totaled up my grade and it shows me with a 70% but your total shows a 67%. I know I did poorly on one of the tests but I didn't think that was bad enough to drop me that many points. Would you please explain how I calculated wrong" I recalculated her grade and found an error, told her that yes, she had earned the C, and that was what she was getting, and then went back and recalculated all the grades. Turns out I had left one paper out of the accounting, so many of the people who did that saw their grade go up (there were a lot of people really close to a borderline and this paper was worth a fair amount.) The people who didn't do the paper - too bad, so sad. Better luck next time. But how much more likely was I to consider her request because she said "please" instead of going in, guns blazing, telling me I was WRONG from the outset (even though I was WRONG. And I told her I was, and thanked her for the heads-up.)

I wrapped up some research stuff that I wanted to get done - didn't NEED to get it done, could have waited until January, but I decided it was better to get the data collection done now.

This was, as semesters go, fairly hideous. It was saved by my having a good ecology class (and NO plagiarists for a change in that class). But my other classes had all kinds of either whiny and immature, or bad-attitude-followed-by-whiny-when-they-found-out-skipping-assignments-earned-them-a-D, or bad attitude in general, people.

I hate to say it but judging from my "service" class, the caliber of college students in this country is going down. Oh, maybe not the smarts, so much (but maybe that too), but the sense of responsibility and the sense of independence. I had people I practically had to hold the hands of the entire time. Which is effing exhausting. And which makes me realize that I'm glad I never became a mother because I don't think I could TAKE someone needing me like that 24/7.

(Though then again: I'd probably have wound up with a child like what I was, where if you gave her some crayons and a stack of paper, she would occupy herself happily for several hours. I was a pretty independent kid and remain an independent adult, which is why I think the level of dependency demonstrated by a few students irritates me so much. Being independent is Not That Hard.)

And actually, to tie this in to what I will be doing in the coming days: I think in general there's either an assumption or a reality that people have become less capable of taking care of themselves. When I take the train, I have noticed in the last year or two, they have become much more insistent and paternalistic with their announcements, like Do Not Smoke in the Lavatories than they used to be. Or if the dining car is running late and reservations are being called in late, they have to announce at every "time" there would be reservations coming up, "Please wait for us to call you; we are running late" even if there have been NO stops with anyone getting on between announcements. It's like people are becoming more like children, and not in a good way.

Me? I just need to be told once and I get it. (And I wouldn't smoke in the lavatories anyway, even if I did smoke.) And I admit a tiny bit of annoyance at having to hear the same dang announcement ten times because some person obvy wasn't paying attention and is now harassing the conductor.

(Actually, on my Thanksgiving trip I saw this. I had Special Snowflake woman in the next compartment - first of all, she and her (adult) son got on, and she got all cranky because the compartment they bought was a "roomette" meaning one of them would have to climb up into an upper berth. Well, that was just UNACCEPTABLE because she was an old woman and her son had back trouble; couldn't the car steward just give them a second compartment? Well, he sold them one, for part of the way, but told her, "When the people SCHEDULED to use this room are supposed to get on, you will have to vacate and let me clean it." And then she demanded the beds be made up early. Then she demanded extra pillows and blankets and sent the steward off to search for them. Then, she and her son missed their call for dinner, and the steward had to get them a later reservation. Then, the next morning, they apparently missed the three calls for breakfast, and were **very upset** with the steward for not coming and PERSONALLY inviting them to breakfast. And that he would have to bring them their food because the dining room was full and was taking no more people on the waiting list. And then when he did, he'd have to make up the room, because there was no way they could eat in their beds. And then, complained that the food was getting cold while he was making up their room.

I hope to heck she tipped him well, but I bet she didn't.

I always was kind of surprised when people who have manned the train when I've been on it before remember me - surely they see hundreds of people in a week - but it may be they do because I'm quiet and say "please" and "thank you" and tip them and just kind of "roll with the punches" of stuff that happens in travel (like delays) and am just generally not a Special Snowflake. Funny, I never thought that kind of thing was rare - I just thought the way I behave was Expected and Typical, but maybe it isn't so much any more.)

But anyway. In a few days I get to get on the train again - this time, at a time it is less likely to be super-crowded with people who don't travel often and who have the Queen Mary mindset about traveling. And then I get to see my FAMILY (not a Special Snowflake in the bunch) and have TIME OFF to RELAX and maybe I'll get to see some real snowflakes.

I really, really need this break. It's been a brutal semester.

A moment of silliness

From Tom Lehrer and a YouTuber who decided to add pictures (I LOLed at the Weasley twins becoming twine)



I remember this from my childhood - a bit of Google searching turns up that it was a bit on Electric Company (in its first run); apparently the producer of the show had been a classmate of Lehrer's at Harvard.

I never realized until now that Lehrer had done that song; that's pretty wonderful.

A question

I don't mean this to be snarky - I genuinely don't understand or know. And I'm not a fan of the BCS system of college football.

But why is Congress taking upon itself to abolish BCS? Where do they get the authority? Is this some kind of "interstate commerce" thing?

It just seems so random to me, in the middle of a war in Afghanistan and Iraq, and a horrible economy, and the whole health-care mess, that they're trying to deal with how the "best" college football team is decided as well.

It's the code....of the West.

I first saw this over at Joanne Jacobs'.

A teacher is trying to get his students to be more ethical - to, I would say, be more manly - by using a series of ten "ethical commandments" that a man named Jim Owen came up with. Supposedly this is a Cowboy Ethics Code (let us set aside any quibbles about historical accuracy. If students want to follow this code partly because of the "cowboy" tag, all well and good):

1. Live Each Day with Courage
2. Take Pride in Your Work
3. Always Finish What you Start
4. Do What Has to Be Done
5. Be Tough, But Fair
6. When You Make a Promise, Keep It
7. Ride for the Brand
8. Talk Less and Say More
9. Remember That Some Things Are Not For Sale
10. Know Where to Draw the Line

These were developed by a person interested in teaching ethics, particularly to Wall Street types.

But I think the codes fit pretty much anyone.

Live each day with courage = no whining. (And yeah, I admit it, I whine sometimes. But usually not to my students or colleagues).

Take pride in your work: by golly, what a nice place this world would be if everyone took pride in stuff. Especially if they did for the "just little" stuff. I have some students who are like this - who take pride in their work and strive to make even the low-stakes assignments good. And they learn a lot. And they are the ones who go off and get exciting jobs or good grad-school places.

Always finish what you start - that kind of goes without saying. Or, perhaps another way of saying it: don't start something you are unwilling to finish. Or, perhaps more crudely: don't write a check with your mouth that your ass can't cash.

Do what has to be done - sometimes you don't LIKE doing something. Sometimes it should not have to be your job. But sometimes it has to be done.

Be tough, be fair - I think all good teachers exemplify this. I probably haven't been tough enough this semester. But that can change with next semester. (The challenge is that there are people who believe that no matter how fair you are in reality, that if you are at all tough, you are being "unfair" because you are not cutting special slack for them).

When you make a promise, keep it. On one of the Internet boards I "socialize" on, people use the word "THIS" in all caps to indicate, "I strongly and heartily agree with the above statement." So for this one, I will just say, "THIS."

Ride for the brand: I take this to mean, "don't run down your place of work publicly, even if there are problems or things wrong there." Don't air the dirty laundry of work (or home) to people who don't need to know about it. Even when there have been problems at my campus, I have, when people have asked me questions, either said that everything was fine from my perspective, or I have worked to deflect the question.

Talk less and say more: Good advice for writing as well as speech. I do mark students down when they get too wordy in what seems like an attempt to pad lesser work. I think also in life - I am actually not a very talkative person in real life, I prefer to listen and then to say something only when it seems necessary. But there are an awful lot of people who seem to need to talk, like it's a nervous habit, and not only does it wreck others' solitude (I guess some people don't care for solitude any more?), but sometimes people wind up revealing things they probably are better off not revealing.

Remember that some things are not for sale: I've had students ask me to severely bend rules for them. I've never been out-and-out bribed but I've had people offer to do things like wash my car or take me out to lunch. And I ask them: do you think I am that cheap? They are often a little taken aback. But yeah. Once you compromise certain things in your ethics, it is a slippery slope, where if you compromise for X you might as well do it for Y and Z...and then, over time, your word comes to stand for less and less.

Know where to draw the line: I need to work on this, at least in the interpretation of "sometimes you need to say 'no' to taking on more tasks and responsibilities." And also on listening to student sob stories. And other various things.


I think this is a pretty good code. Maybe not the Ten Commandments, but in the pluralistic society we live in now, if we can at least get people to follow the Cowboy Code, that would be an improvement.

You know what

This is why I am glad I am a reader: you think of different characters and their way of reacting to the world, and it gives you different ideas.

I was thinking this morning of Scrooge's nephew (I can never remember his name but Google tells me it is Fred. Last name I do not know, as he was Scrooge's sister's son and would have the surname of her husband).

But you remember Fred's response to Scrooge's declaration of "bah, humbug"?

He went on celebrating Christmas, he wasn't let down or discombobulated. (And in some movie versions I've seen, he snags a few coals and throws them on Crachit's fire so he won't freeze in the counting-house). He keeps his Christmas, he remains merry despite Scrooge's deluge of cold water.

And I need to keep that in mind. Even surrounded by people who seem to roll their eyes at the very idea of celebrating, or who act offended that the word "Christmas" is being used in a public, tax-funded situation.

And I think I'm going to exercise part of that, either today or tomorrow: I have to run to the wal-mart for some stuff, so I think I'm also going to go to their toy department, pick out and purchase a toy I would have enjoyed as a child, and drop it off for Toys for Tots.

Toys for Tots is just another reason why I love the Marines and think they're awesome.

(This is actually not an uncommon reaction of mine, when I see someone cranky or nasty or selfish: to try to be more helpful and unselfish myself. I don't know if it's an "I'm not like that person" reaction, or if it's an attempt to cosmically balance things out - if one person is going to be crabby, then one person can damn well be nice - or what).

Aw, my friends are the best.

Just had a back-and-forth exchange with a couple of friends about the people-with-problems-and-issues I am having to deal with.

What they said - mostly just listening and sympathizing - made me feel better.

I don't have a LOT of friends, but the ones I have are quality.

And they're right. Everyone around me is seriously panty-wadded right now and they just need to take a breath.

Someone hold me...

I'm losing my Christmas spirit again.

Already today, I have had:

one colleague bitching loudly and long about how the school is having a "Christmas" party and calling it that. And how we are in budget retrenchment mode and money should NOT be spent on fripperies, especially using the name Christmas. (Guy is, as far as I can tell, a former Christian. And very bitter about it). And how the supreme court declared it "illegal" to use the word "Christmas" in and around a public university. (No idea if that's actually TRUE). And went on to rant about the invocation before commencement and other things.

And another colleague joined in with him. I just went back in my office and (mostly) closed the door under pretext of having to update my online grades.

Look, I'm sorry it wadifies your panties. But it IS Christmas time. Call it "holiday" if you have to. But if you're so upset about it, why not offer to come in and work on the 25th.

I have had friends who were Jewish. Friends who were Hindu. And they still wished me a merry Christmas and my Hindu friend commented that "a lot of the stuff we do for Diwali is not all that different from some of the secular celebrations of Christmas" and so seemed to think it was OK to enjoy.

I get sick of people who have to agendize everything. If I taught at a historically Jewish school (Brandeis?) I'd participate in Purim and the Seder and the other various celebrations that non-Jews are welcome in.

If, in 20 years, I am forbidden from having a tree in my house, or forbidden from using (gasp!) the public mails to send cards, or forbidden from any of the other Good Things about this season, I will FIND this person who bitched back in 2009 and kick him in the 'nads.

And as for "money spent on fripperies" - There are far bigger wastes of money at this school beyond trying to make the faculty and staff a little happy. I'm sorry, but "cutting back" should not have to mean "cut out all pleasure."

Second: my "two amigos" in one class BOTH handed in late homework - one piece that was due in September, one that was due in early October. Both came with marginally literate notes begging me that "some points are better than none." Yes, that is true, but seeing as the homeworks have been handed back to the rest of the class for a good two months, and you could have very easily have copied them, AND I gave a classmate of yours pulling the same stunt zeroes....

Grr. Just, grr. I need to get the heck out of this place for a few weeks. I need to go somewhere where I'm not surrounded by people who either demand far more than their due, or who get upset over every damn little thing.

Eh, forget it.

Forget the cranky people.

Silly YouTube clips help.

From one of my all time favorite movies:

That said...

when you do something because you are trying to be compassionate person, and someone else decides to poop all over your compassion, it's hard not to lash out or get discouraged.

Maybe I need to go listen to more Christmas music. And try to ignore the people who have chosen to be cynics.

Thank God it's Christmas.

Last year, when I first put on the Christmas music I listen to every December, I had to sit down and cry. I was sad - sad because I had lost several people I cared about over the course of last year, and sad because several more people I cared about had moved away.

This year, I pulled the CDs out this weekend and put them on.

And I found myself crying again, but for a very different reason.

I was grateful that it was Christmas again.

Grateful that I have a little time to take a breath. To look at lights and the decorated church, to see the Angel trees in some of the local stores, to dump the change at the bottom of my purse into the Salvation Army kettles.

I now feel - upon having found and recovered my Christmas spirit - almost like I lost my way a bit this fall, like the funny and compassionate person that I really am kind of got hidden under a bitter veneer. I don't know if that's due to excessive worrying about what is going on in the world, or having listened too much to an embittered colleague, or having dealt with too many demanding and ungrateful people, or if I merely focused too tightly on work-stuff, and didn't think about the bigger, larger world.

Because work stuff can get pretty stifling at times, pretty close, like being inside of a small sealed room, and the air gets kind of stale and smelly, figuratively speaking. It is almost as if I forget about the bigger wider world, and I can only see the problems I am having at the moment.

But my Christmas spirit is pulling me out of that. Already I think I have laughed more in the past several days than I have in a long time. I've made food for people I care about (the various social groups I belong to are having their annual parties). I didn't cook much this fall, because I felt so busy - and honestly, a lot of the time, I'd go into the kitchen TO cook, and then decide I didn't feel like all the bother. (There have been a lot of things I normally do for myself that I haven't done this fall, because it seemed at the time like "too much bother.")

I've made a few small gifts for friends - just simple stuff, but things they will enjoy. And doing that makes me happy.

And seeing the church decorated today made me happy. And the bell-ringers at the grocery store. And even some of the dumb Christmas ads on television. All of it. It as if I can laugh at things again instead of being annoyed by them.

I spent too much of this fall being annoyed by stuff. I lost a lot of my natural tolerance for some reason. I don't know if it could have a physiological cause - allergies, maybe, or that I had a badly pulled muscle in my shoulder that just recently healed up, or even if, for some unexplained reason, I could have been a tad depressed this fall.

But I feel better now - more like myself. And I'm grateful. And I'm especially grateful that in about another week now, I will get to go see my family, and take a long holiday time off, and get to help my parents put up and decorate the tree, and do the fun silly holiday stuff we do - going out and driving around in the evening to try to pick out the best "Griswold house" Christmas light display, or watching certain movies that come on every year, or just sitting around the dinner table and telling funny stories and laughing.

I will have to work in the future not to lose who I am again. To remember that I'm a resilient and compassionate person whose major way of dealing with the stupidities that happen in life is to laugh at them and shrug and go, "life is funny" rather than, as I had been doing way too much this fall, taking it personally and being annoyed.

Thank God it's Christmas. Thank God it's Christmas.

That time of year again...

Driving out to the grocery store this morning, I see people have been putting up Christmas decorations. Including those lighted deer. You know what I mean? Wire frames in the shape of a deer (usually painted white) with small white bulbs on it? Very pretty, especially at night.

And local pranksters are at it again, I see: repositioning the deer so one is, ahem, "on top" of the other in a suggestive pose.

And I admit sometimes I'm way too much in touch with my inner 12-year-old; I always snicker a little when I see that. (As much as I hate the people who mess with Nativity scenes, I can't help but laugh at the deer repositioning)

(Last winter, someone did that in my parents' neighborhood. My mom and I had gone out early one morning to drop something off at a friends' house, and coming back, we saw the deer, and my mother was all, "Am I seeing that right? Have they been positioned to look like they're mating?" and all I could do was laugh).

A happy

I know a gripe a lot about students on here. I think it's the old "bad news gets noticed" thing - the students who do what they're supposed to don't really draw my attention most of the time.

But I do have to talk about one student today, because I'm so proud and happy for him. This is a guy I've had in all of my classes so far...he didn't do so hot in the first one, but I found out later on why: he was battling back from a drug addiction. And then, the next semester, he came and told me he had been diagnosed with OCD, they were trying to get his medications regulated, and he was having a hard time. I gave him some encouragement and allowed him an extension on a project because it seemed clear to me that (a) he wasn't playing me and (b) he would really be helped with it. (And he was).

Now, this semester he was in the most advanced of my classes. And I have to say, a lot of the other students are lucky I don't curve, because it would be this dude and another guy (who is super competitive) setting the curve, and then everyone else lagging back - the next highest grade after their two would be a very low B.

This student got back into the honors program on campus after having had his problems; as part of the requirements he has to do research papers in classes of certain faculty (I am one). He handed the paper in today.

It was freaking amazing. Really well done, he went to the best possible sources (rather than just the most easily-found sources), it's really well written. (And no, before you ask, I KNOW that he did all the work himself. He's that kind of a person.)

I was so happy reading it - I could tell he had enjoyed the project from reading it, and I enjoyed reading what he wrote up. And it made me all the happier to think that this was a guy who had been struggling to make it in school a couple years ago.

So, he's getting his A for the honors project. (His final project paper - the basic class requirement - was also by far the best of everyone's in the class. I can tell he really loves writing; I think if he comes looking for career advice I'm going to suggest "science writer" because I think he'd do well at it). I wrote on the paper that it was well written-and researched and an excellent paper (really, it's the best of these honors papers I've seen, I think). But I'm also going to tell him when I hand it back that he writes well - very clearly and in a way that is interesting to read. I think he probably already knows that - he won an on-campus essay contest earlier this fall - but I also think it's always good to let someone know when something they do is genuinely good, that kind of encouragement makes a big difference to some folks.

People like him are the reason I went into teaching, and the reason why I stay, despite all of the 'special snowflakes' I complain about.

gol dang

Obama's speech tonight is pre-empting A Charlie Brown Christmas. (Has there been a president who's been on TV more?)

SRSLY, Mr. President? SRSLY? It makes me sad that we live in a world where war talk has to bump what I consider the most perfect Christmas special ever off the television.

I HOPE the special is on at another time. This is one thing I watch every year and I would be angry if the President (ANY president) bumped it off the air totally for a season.

I know it's available on dvd and all that but I'm kind of a Luddite in that I like to see specials BROADCAST and like to have the ritual of the annual viewing as a broadcast. (I grew up in the pre-vcr era).

Well, at least the best part is available on YouTube. This ALWAYS makes me tear up a little, no matter how old or how jaded I get:



"That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown."

No more Ms. Nice Lady?

I don't know. I'm wondering if maybe being tougher than I was in the past is a good way to be. Two separate incidents:

Guy comes into my office. Guy is a decent student but is partying a wee bit hard this fall (I teach an early Friday class and many weeks he's come in looking really painfully hung over). Guy asks, "Are we doing anything in class tomorrow?" (I wish the students know how much the profs hate that question).

Because he is in what I have dubbed the "class full of whiners," where people have skipped on important days and then come back to complain at me because, apparently, I didn't cancel class simply because they were absent, something in me snapped a little bit.

"Yes, we are. I am covering something that is not really covered in the textbook that will be on the final exam. You will have a hard time with that section of the final if you skip."

(And I know for a fact that not enough people in that class take decent notes that he could even get notes off of someone).

And he was there. And apparently not hung over for once.

Then, another student came in: he had done poorly on a short paper assignment, mainly because he failed to follow the instructions that I had GIVEN THEM ON A HANDOUT **AND** POSTED ON THE COURSE WEBSITE.

He wanted to know if he could redo the paper for better credit.

As I was, at the moment, trying frantically to grade papers for yet another class, I looked at him and said, "No. You had the instructions. You have one more paper to do for the class; do this one following the instructions. I do not have time to do re-grades or extra credit work."

And amazingly, in both cases, the students accepted. They didn't fuss, they didn't try to argue me down (as some people have in the past). I have a friend who told me that one of the perks, she found, of getting into your 40s was "people start to actually take you seriously." So maybe that's happening.

But I do need to be tougher. Partly for my own sanity, but also partly because these "kids" need to learn to grow up a little - to take responsibility for the first time, to know that life isn't always going to hand you a mulligan when you don't do things right the first time.

not bells

Listening to Christmas music while grading, I realize that Carol of the Bells has pretty much been ruined for me.

Most recently, by Wal-mart, and their inane "flip the lights on the checkout stands" ad (Yeah, like the wal-mart near me EVER has enough checkers. Though I could see them playing with their lights rather than checking people out)

Then, previously (and still, I see they have a new semi-surreal ad) by Garmin, the GPS makers.

But, first off, it was ruined for me - at least, as any kind of semi-reverent observance - by "Ding, Fries are Done."

And I admit it. Ding, Fries are Done is one of those things that I laughed at, even if at the same time I said to myself, "I'm gonna have to answer to the Big Guy some day for finding this funny." (I don't think I'd quite be sent to Hell for laughing at it, but I can imagine God looking very sternly at me and shaking His head a little bit)

PLEASE!

A moratorium on "I'm dieting and I LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT and I'm going to make my family eat raw vegetables and plain turkey breast for Thanksgiving because I don't want to sabotage my diet" stories. And "I find turkey boring, therefore I decree NO ONE IN AMERICA SHOULD FIX TURKEY THIS THANKSGIVING" stories. And "When did Thanksgiving become an excuse for gluttony" stories (Um, the original Thanksgiving? The colonists had been starving? So to have enough food for once was a joy?) And all the other freaking KILLJOY stories surrounding this, my favorite non-explicitly-Christian holiday.

Grr. I am SO EFFING SICK of the health nannies. Just let me enjoy my damn turkey and sweet potatoes and dressing AND PUMPKIN PIE. For ONE day. Just STHU.

Thanksgiving break

...it kind of sneaked up on me again (But don't worry, I have plans. I did make plans. I won't be sitting at home alone crying in front of the Macy's parade because I waited too long to try to get tickets to travel).

I'm grateful for this break. I really, really need it.

And I'm grateful Congress is on break. For two reasons:

1. They can't do anything to us this week
2. Maybe they'll get an earful from their constituents (I hope) about the steaming pile that is "health" "care" "reform" (Each word deserves its own set of scare quotes, I think)

Kind of sad but kind of not

By this point in the semester, I can almost predict what grade someone will earn before I look at their paper.

Super-competitive tightly-wound guy will get 100% or damn close to it (and if he doesn't, he'll try arguing for points).

Speshul Snowflake woman will talk a big deal about how good her project is, but it'll be a half-assed B at best.

Compulsive Man will go way beyond what the assignment required and will earn a 100% (or even if he didn't dot every last i that I expected, he will earn it out of sheer overkill on other stuff)

Slacker Dude will earn a 60% - at best.

Never-there-Girl will pull maybe a 60, maybe a 70, depending on whether she read the assignment closely or not.

Quiet-but-takes-good-notes-person will score somewhere in the low 90s at least.

So far, of the papers I have, I've graded Quiet-but-takes-good-notes, Compulsive Man, and Super-Competitive Tightly-Wound guy. Par for the course. And I flipped to the next paper - Slacker Dude. He left out a major part of the assignment, I can tell even before I read it, because he has one size-16-font page with a bulleted list on it instead of a narrative, which is what I asked for.

Students claim sometimes that profs stereotype them and grade accordingly. Well, I'm not so much stereotyping (I still read all the stuff and hope against hope that one of the low achievers got their act together THIS time) as noting patterns that seem to recur.

Debate topic:

"Is 'Bridezillas' the stupidest thing ever to have been on television?"

Go. (In the comments).

(I saw part of an episode today. Couldn't look away for about 10 minutes. Wanted to smack every person involved. And then wanted to take them and drop them in a middle of a starving village in Africa or some-damn-where in the hopes they'd develop a wee bit of perspective.)

Heh.

I've occasionally watched episodes of "Community," a sitcom set at a community college.

I'm not sure how I feel about it - some of the humor borders on mean-spiritedness (like the other NBC comedies on Thursday night) and I'm not really one for that type of humor. But usually the episodes have at least one thing that makes me laugh out loud.

Tonight, it was this: Senor Chang, the dispirited Spanish teacher (yes, he is of Chinese heritage) has a student talk back to him in class. So he starts by assigning a one-page essay, en Espagnol, on a topic. And then someone asks a question. So he increases the length and makes the topic more complex and related to the person or what they just asked about. Finally, one of the students tries to placate him, in the hopes of making him stop being crazy.

And he looks at her, and says, "TWENTY PAGES! On ASS-KISSING!"

I've been there. Not done that, but certainly been there.

(He does wind up rescinding the essay, because the smarmy-guy lead character gets him back together with his wife. At a Greene Daye concert. (Yeah, they had the obligatory annoying "Green Week" environmental-theme tie-in. I almost didn't watch when I realized that).

Having a hard time

Everything's hitting the fan right now. I have students in full-on freak-out mode because they just figured out that they won't pass. There's other stuff going on that I can't talk about here that isn't pleasant.

And I'm feeling my frequent sense of "no one cares, all I get is work heaped on my head, I do crap that's above and beyond what's expected and I never hear one word of thanks. Everyone takes me for granted."

And I don't know. Maybe just everything sucks right now. Maybe we're just going through some kind of times where everything is bad. But I just want to hear someone, once, say a gorram THANK YOU when I agree to accept their homework late. Or when I make an effort to get them a handout they missed. Or to fill out paperwork I really shouldn't have to fill out.

And because I'm a responsible person who actually gives a crap, whatever thankless task becomes my permanent job. And yet I don't hear thanks for it.

I was raised to thank people - to thank the waiter or waitress when he or she comes and refills your water glass. To thank the person at the drugstore for filling your prescription. Hearing the occasional "please" or "thank you" makes the day go so much easier, makes you feel that your work is actually valued and valuable.

I know, I know: we live in a post-civility society and I just need to suck it up and learn to live with only hearing feedback about how what I have done is inadequate.

But sometimes, doing stuff for people and having it totally taken for granted makes me want to cry. I feel like no one gives a flying flip, that if I were to die tomorrow the only way people would find out would be that the stuff they counted on me to get done wasn't getting done. "Hey, where's ricki? She OWES us stuff! Could she be slacking off?"

And then, I imagine they go to my house to demand why I'm not grinding away at my desk like always, and they find my rotting corpse. And then they ask, "OH no, who will we get to do the thankless tasks now."

And I realize that's unrealistic and very colored by my bad mood today, but seriously, that's sometimes how I feel. Like all I am is a cog in a machine to people. Like I don't matter as a person.

And I fantasize about other careers: maybe if I were an artist people would give a damn. Maybe I'd actually hear someone praise my work. Or maybe if I learned how to groom animals, and I took care of people's dogs and cats and horses for them, then I'd hear a "wow, you made her mane look so great! You got all the burrs out!" Or something.

But I realize realistically - there is probably no job on this Earth today where you hear thanks and appreciation. Everyone's a demanding special snowflake now who can only see what THEY want and what THEY think they deserve - other people are merely obstacles to them, or merely devices for providing them what they want.

I'm just P.O.d at the entire human race today.

dude, you voted for the guy...

One of my colleagues is complaining about a new push here on campus, to get students involved in "mandatory volunteerism." About how apparently there is a new stealth program to eventually make "volunteer hours" a requirement for graduation.

And he talks about how it could take away from classroom instruction (I agree). And he talks about how it affects "academic freedom" (I agree). And he even said, "It's like they're trying to set up some crazy Maoist state thing in the university, where it's 'you WILL do this for us.'" (And I also agree).

The thing that's killing me - and I don't want to get into the whole issue because he's a friend, and I don't argue politics with friends - is he was a HUGE Obama supporter.

Um, this is just the tide of the future. Or Hope N Change. Or something. Your guy PROMISED something like this. And now you're upset?

The thing is, when I talk with this guy, a lot of the stuff he says - about personal freedom, about responsibility, about not relying on the government for stuff - that's like the opposite of how he votes. I've tried to make some gentle nudgey comments but he ignores them, and after a blow-up with another person I tend to eschew discussion of politics on campus - because there are a lot of really smart people who are really dumb about politics, it seems.

(All of that said? I really, really didn't like McCain and I don't like him any better now. Some party somewhere needs to get its ass in gear and pick a good person for 2012, that's all I'm sayin'.)

But I've seen this phenomenon a lot: academics who call themselves hard-core liberal types, but when you sit down and talk with them, a lot of stuff they advocate is the commonsensical sort of stuff that people who are more moderate-to-conservative support, but they would never in a million years vote for a conservative. Which puzzles me.

(I actually had one colleague once comment that "higher taxes on the rich don't affect me, because I'll never be rich." Um, by some people's definition you already are, buddy - if you're making more than $50K. And this is someone who has "outside plans" for a second career that could make him a lot of money. We'll see. And even then - even if I'll never be "rich" in the sense of making $100K a year, if the rich get taxed to death, it does affect the rest of us. Because there are fewer jobs. And there are fewer little luxuries for those of us who want little luxuries, because there's no one buying the big luxuries. And even beyond that, it seems unfair to me to penalize someone for working hard or innovating or taking risks - which is how most of the rich entrepeneurial types got rich.)

The thing is, a lot of the folks I know who support Obama or even Pelosi are themselves very careful and frugal with money, and seem to resent the sort of intrusion into our daily lives that the "enhanced government role" brings. But they STILL can't bring themselves to switch affiliations.

It's strange.

ricki's newest rule

A long time ago, I posted a list of rules, including several for students.

I have a new one:

If you miss class on a day when I explain a BIG IMPORTANT TOPIC and work an example of it, you are not allowed to come bitching to me that you don't know it because you missed class. What's more, you're not allowed to expect me to re-teach an entire 50 minute class for you and you alone. You are not allowed to get mad because I say, "I know Cubert* in the front row takes good notes, see if he will give you a copy."

(*I have decided to anonymize names with the most ridiculous names I can come up with.)

And sadly...

My head may explode anyway even if I learn to tolerate childishness from 20 year olds (and nearly 50 year olds):

Pfizer, winner in the Kelo "eminent domain" case, pulls out, leaving empty fields.

Stupidest Supreme Court decision I can remember. Pfizer should be made to give all the people they eminent-domained back their lots, PLUS rebuild their houses as close to what they were (or better) if possible.

If that happened to me? I'd probably make a big sign saying, "[Company that got eminent domain] STOLE my property and the government helped them" and go and sit with it outside the place where my house used to stand for as much time every day as I possibly could. I think it's unconscionable how eminent domain has been allowed to expand.

HOW old are they again?

This week, I have had two students - in two separate classes - come very near to throwing a tantrum.

One of these students, I happen to know, is older than I am. (She mentioned her age one day).

My goal in life now has changed to, "Make it to the end of the semester before my head explodes."

shouldn't it be worth fighting for?

I think I've figured out some of my distress with some of my students. It is that they get defeated very easily, like they've given up.

I hand back homeworks and instead of students paying attention to my discussion of what folks did wrong, they flip through their dayplanners or talk with their neighbors. And they toss the graded homework in the trash on their way out. And when I hand back the next one, on which they have made all the same mistakes, they say something like, "I just don't understand this" or "I just didn't work very hard on this" or something.

Dammit. Shouldn't your college education be worth more of a fight than that?

I remember when I was in college - in particular, chemistry - and I didn't understand something, I would find the TA or the prof on his office hours, and go in with a list, and say, "I don't understand thus-and-so as well as I'd like to. Could you explain it to me again?" And they would, and most of the time I'd understand it better. But my office hours, they are lonely. No one shows up to ask questions, even though I have people who get all bent out of shape over low grades or not understanding.

If you care about something, you have to fight for it. You have to be willing to put in a little effort. I get the feeling a lot of these folks either don't care, or have swallowed the victimology pill, where they believe if they don't get PRECISELY what they wanted without effort, it's because someone did them wrong along the way.

I have people who "play the victim" in my classes - they skip class, and then act all offended because, apparently, I did not show up on their doorstep to give them the announcements they missed. Or they do poorly and come at the end of the semester blaming me that they "didn't know" something, when they were absent on the day it was discussed.

And it makes me tired. I am just one person. I cannot do all the work for each of the 100+ of them. I cannot keep track of who was and was not paying attention at a given time. I am doing my best but they have to meet me at least halfway.

This is the millennial generation, folks. Ain't none of us Xers ever going to be able to retire, because there will be no one willing to take the reins from us. Or if there is, they will be calling us every 5 minutes to ask us "how do you turn the copier on again?"

I've said before I wasn't in favor of conscripted military or civil service, but I'm beginning to wonder - as 18 year olds continue to seem more helpless and "younger" with each semester, if there isn't going to come a point where we as a society have to do something to, figuratively speaking, force their testicles to descend before unleashing them on the world of the rest of the adults. Because as an adult older than these "kids," I am growing heartily tired of the whining, of the shutting-down, of the refusal to take responsibility for even rather small aspects of their education. As I said: I cannot do it all.

I have come within a hair's breadth of going all snarky and saying, "Oh, and do you want me to wipe your butt for you, too?" this semester. Twice, actually. That's not good.

Augh

The feel-better package I ordered for myself? That I was wondering when it would come?


turns out I never actually completed the order. Sigh. Ricki FAIL. (I did now but no idea if any of the items are now out of stock). I guess I got distracted. I hate that.

And I need "feel better" stuff right now, the combination of semester-suckage, news-suckage, and being around snarly snappy people is really getting me down.

I can't do it anymore.

I can't watch the news, or listen to commentary. It makes me despair too much. We are a nation divided. Neither side listens to the other any more, neither side is willing to admit that the other might have useful ideas. And it seems sometimes the side in power is interested mainly in hanging on as tightly as possible to that power and getting even more. Things are changing, fast, and not in a good way. People who want to slow down change, who want to say, "Wait, we need to think this over first" are vilified.

And so, I kind of give up. I leave it to those with more stomach for this than I have. Who have more time. Who do not work in a workplace where admitting their true political leanings will get them shunned. I know it's weak and irresponsible, but I just can't.

And so I'm giving up watching the news. Instead, I will watch the NCIS re-runs that USA so helpfully runs during that time. And the SpongeBob re-runs that Nickelodeon has on offer in the morning. Oh, I'll keep reading the blogs and scanning headlines on-line but I am just done with televised and radio news; it makes me too sick of my fellow humans. Both the sort of random everyday joe who sees nothing wrong with setting dogs on fire, and people in Congress who see nothing wrong with sucking more money out of people's pockets while shaming them for earning that much money in the first place.

I need one of those clocks, like they used to have in the Cold War - the five minutes to midnight sort of thing - only mine would be the "minutes to midnight" where "midnight" is me running off to live in a cabin on 100 acres of woodland, all posted NO TRESPASSING TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT THIS MEANS YOU.

Still sad, still thinking

About the Fort Hood killings.

I have known people who were (formerly) stationed there. I know how bases often become a pretty tight community for people who live there.

I think that's maybe the theme of the 20th-21st centuries: a group of people build a community that is working, that is doing good, and then someone comes in and tries to destroy it. (Actually, maybe this is the theme of civilized life; I seem to remember some instances, not quite the same, from the New Testament.)

I don't know why. If you pressed me, I'd kind of shrug and shake my head and go, "Evil?" Because I don't know. I'm the kind of person, who, if I get really angry with someone (and that is VERY rare, at that), my inclination is to go find that person, sit down with them, and try to explain why I am angry and see if I can fix things. Or, in the few instances where I felt my life was trashed and I had just failed at everything, my plans were to pick up, give away most of my stuff, buy a cheap car and drive as far as I could, find a new town, and get a job waiting tables or something for a while. Just disappear and try to make a new life. I never actually did it - on wiser reflection I figured out an alternate plan that didn't involve running away - but literally, that was my "nuclear option" - running off and resettling somewhere else and trying to make a new life.

I can't understand wanting to kill other people. But I suppose that's why 99.9% of us don't.

Look, I don't know why this happened, if there was something (other than simple evil) that made the guy do it. It's probably irresponsible to even speculate at this point.

My main inclination at this point is to say "there's evil in the world, and sometimes people get tempted to it." May we all be able to recognize evil when it comes to us, and resist its temptation.

My heart goes out to the families who lost loved ones. And to the injured. And to all the folks whose sense of community has been destroyed, whose trust has been shattered. I hope they can heal.

I wish we never had to hear these kinds of stories. It made me think of Virginia Tech all over again.

Priorities and "having it all"

I've noticed something recently. It's really come to a head this semester, when I have several students with chronically ill family members, or with major health issues being diagnosed, or with other problems. A lot of the stuff is stuff that I would have dropped out for a semester to attend to (a lot of the stuff, while "big," is "short-lived" - a parent having major abdominal surgery but who will be OK in 2 or 3 months, trying to help a sibling go through the bankruptcy process). But these students don't; they randomly disappear for weeks at a time to attend to what is going on in their lives, and then come back and (a) expect they should be able to catch up and (b) expect that I will be overjoyed to re-teach what they missed and also write make up exams and set up the labs they missed just for them to complete.

I wonder if this generation of college students has been told the bad old feminist idea about "having it all," and have swallowed it wholesale.

Look, I don't care what anyone says: you can't "have it all." If you try, one of three things will happen:

1. You will do EVERYTHING in a half-assed, badly-done sort of way. (One way I can tell I've taken too much on? When the quality of my work starts to suffer).

2. You will do well on one or two things, but seriously short other things. If that's your spouse or your kids, that's a MAJOR problem. If it's schoolwork when you're going to school, you may well wind up flunking out.

3. You will burn out and either get sick or become very angry and bitter and be unpleasant to be around.

I think some of my students have opted for option 2, with the idea that the prof can pick up the slack for them. And then that forces the prof into the unenviable position of doing what they are already handling, plus doing more that they really don't want to do. And which may be an extra-heavy burden on them: I cannot drop everything to write a make up test for someone who shows up wanting to take it NOW. I have told people: I need a minimum of three days' lead time, but no one ever pays attention to that. Either they tell me that they are coming in, I write the exam, and then they never show, or they don't tell me but show up and get all angry that I didn't sit down RIGHT AFTER CLASS when they said, "Oh, I might need to take a make up on that exam" and write one for them.

I've also had more people this semester who missed labs acting as if I should scurry back into the room and set up all the equipment and materials again so they can do the lab on their own schedules. No matter that some require several people working together to do, or have perishable material that I would have to go back out and buy (probably on my own dime) for them.

I suppose it is all part of the larger trend of the "Millennial" attitudes - a colleague and I are giving a paper on the challenges of the "new workplace" and the "new generation" for college teachers and a lot of the references we've looked at have noted the same problems we complain about with students: a sense that the universe revolves around them, the belief that their work is wonderful even when it's not, and an over-blown sense of what they can find as work and what they will do with their lives.

And I think there's also a strong thread of "I'm the only student in the room" - I have had to actually explain to some of my make-up test demanders that, "I am grading exams for one of my other classes right now. I like to hand exams back to students the next class period and this is the only time I have to get them done. I cannot stop and write a make-up exam for you now but I will have one for you in three days' time." Or they don't understand that I have to go some afternoons to do volunteer work I signed up to do, and I can't just shaft the coordinator at the food bank (or whatever) to stay and do their make-up exam for them.

It is as if some of them believe they should be my first priority, even when they are expecting something above and beyond normal class process, and, for that matter, above and beyond the "here is how we will deal with problems" protocol from the syllabus.

And while I know I am perfectly justified in my, "No, I cannot do the make up exam now" or "No, I do not do make up labs," it makes me very tired to have to say that (sometimes on a weekly basis) and then deal with the inevitable pleading, complaining, or "but can't you bend the rules just once, just for meeeeeee?"

And what got me thinking about this was this morning. I was getting dressed to come in, figured I better wear slacks because I can wear my trackshoes with them, rather than having to wear dress shoes that might hurt my feet in the approximately four miles I am going to walk and the approximately four hours I am going to be on my feet today. My church is serving lunch at the "ecumenical" Christian center on church (we have a Baptist center, a Church of Christ center, and an "ecumenical" center.) So after my class this morning I am going to walk over there (it's a little over a mile from where I sit now, but parking on campus is so horrific that I'm not even going to TRY) and serve food. I don't mind doing it, the students who come in are nice and are grateful for a free, home-cooked lunch - and most of them are regular attenders of the center's worship times - but it's just the time involved, especially now. Especially because I had someone go all sad-faced on me yesterday when I said I couldn't have them do a make up exam at that time, as I was going to be over helping serve lunch.

I said to myself this morning, "I will be very glad when I am done with doing stuff for other people for a while, and can attend to my own stuff." Not a very nice thought, perhaps, but in this past week, I've done lots of mop-up after student absences, and I served a stint at the local food bank handing out boxes of food, and I helped with some on-campus stuff, and today I am helping to serve lunch.

Oh, and yesterday afternoon, I arrived home to a message: since a member of my church's mother (who was affiliated with another church) passed away, they were taking food to the member and his family. Could I possibly pick up something and bring it? They were going to bring the food by around 5....

As the message was sent at 9:15 (when I was in my first class of the day) and I didn't get it until 4:30 when I finally arrived home, I called the person who sent it and told her that there was no way I'd have time to do it. She was understanding, but still: I really need to do a better job of educating people, I guess, that I can't generally do stuff with less than a 24 hour turnaround time.

So I just kind of get worn out. And it doesn't help when a lot of the students are overly optimistic about what they can get done, or how well they can cope with life issues. And I understand, in some cases it may be Financial Aid that's forcing them to do what they do - dropping out and restarting is a lot harder and you do run the risk of losing the aid, and sometimes it's actually "better" from a Financial Aid standpoint to take the F than it is to drop and go below "full time student" level. But that's not my fault. I didn't make the broken system. But it does frustrate me when students come to me expecting I can give them 10 hours of uninterrupted time, where they seem to forget that I have over 100 students in all my classes put together, and if they ALL demanded that much time...well, the universe would collapse upon itself.

I wish none of my students had to go through the crap they're going through. Partly out of simple humanitarian feelings - it must really suck to have to work to help your disabled adult kid get the assistance he needs to go through life - but also because it would free their minds up to concentrate on school. And I would have to hear far fewer sad stories of why I should bend the rules, "just this once, just for me."

I love a good "stupid criminal" story

Check it: these guys used permanent marker to "disguise" themselves before committing robbery. PERMANENT marker.


AH hahahahahahahahaahhaha!