Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Something I think faculty need

A "Samuel L. Jackson-izer" microphone.

For those times when you need to say something a certain way.

I gave an exam in one class today. As another class uses that room the next hour, and as we have been informed that under some subsection of the new ADA laws we are not permitted to give any extra time on exams unless the student specifically has an accommodation (I suspect that's an over interpretation on the part of the lawyers, but whatever), I had to turf the last few students.

So first, I was polite: "Please finish your exams and hand them in in the next three minutes."

Then, I was less polite: "I need the exams done now. Please hand them in."

Finally, I went and stood near the two people not done and waited. Finally they finished.

But if I had the Samuel L. Jackson-izer microphone, I could SAY into it, "You need to finish your exams now" and the microphone would convert it to "HEY! Finish yo' asses UP and hand in the MFing exam, sumbitches!"

of course, I'd only get to use it once before losing my job....


Dave E. said...

I'd take the Bill Cosby version, but it would be a full blown voice/face transmogrifier. It would be great for corporate meetings. I'd really like the Sam Kinison model, but yeah, that would definitely get me fired too.

Kate P said...

And then I'd borrow it for clearing the building after events at school where chatty parents linger a bit too long, especially on school nights. (And promptly be fired. We'll revise our resumes together!)