Dismay

I don't know. I don't have anything much to say.

If this is how the human race is going to end, by fracturing into groups and each group burning the other's stuff down, then let the end come sooner rather than later, and let trees-of-heaven and cockroaches and rats and urban coyotes live in the rubble.

Sorry. I'm in one of my periodic "Humans really suck" moods. Well, some humans do.  They give in to the dark side, the side that tells them because they've been wronged (or believe they have), that it's okay to wrong someone else, someone who is not the one who wronged them.


I pray to God we never have an officer-involved shooting here. That's a selfish prayer, and I openly admit it. I don't want rioting in my town, I don't want the grocery store near me to be looted and maybe close down forever. I don't want to look at a line of angry young people with rocks in their hands and maybe see one or two of my students (or former students) in there. I don't want the local cops, some of whom I know, to have to go into an armed mob that have sworn hatred of them.



I'm also really, really f'ing exhausted. This is my heaviest grading week of the year and I lost a good chunk of time this afternoon because a student came and was anxious at me about stuff. I get that this person has anxiety issues and I tried to be calm and comforting and tell them that yes, they were going to pass the class, but.....I kept looking at the exams I was grading and the labs I was grading and the exam I was trying to write and everything else and wishing the person would decide to leave.

I shouldn't have watched the news this evening. I should get better at scraping off people who are trying to eat up my time when I'm busy. (Or maybe not. I don't know. Maybe my not scraping this person off helped them, maybe they'll turn around and do something good with their life....Sometimes I really wish I got George Bailey's chance, you know? To see whether what I did actually had any kind of a good impact. Because some days I look at the world and it seems so screwed up, so why am I even trying?)