Invasion of the snowflake women from another state...

I went shopping after church. I normally don't do that, this being supposed to be a day of rest and all, but sometimes, there are times when you wake up in the morning and find you're nearly out of something that you're going to need in the coming days. So I ran out to the Walgreen's (and, once again, I'm grateful we finally have one in town; it sure beats going into the enormous Wal-Mart - which some folks here refer to, totally unironically, as "the mall," and they will go there and spend HOURS slowly walking up and down the aisles, which makes it tough for the buy-it-and-scram types like me).

Anyway, I found what I needed. And I was able to restock my gatorade supply (I need it, for after fieldwork, and occasionally if you're lucky you can find a variety made with JUST sugar - which tastes better to me than the HFCS variety)

I was walking back out to my car, and another car pulled up to me. It had out-of-state plates. The driver rolled down the window and called to me:

"Do you live here?"

Yes, I told her, I did.

"Can you tell us" (her and her friend in the passenger seat), "where you find the IHOP or the Denny's?"

Um, little problem there. We have neither. We have a Chili's (which is in sight from the Walgreen's) and about every fast-food place under the sun, but no Denny's. And no IHOP, though we keep getting told that one is coming "soon."

So I told them, somewhat apologetically, "We don't have one. There's a Waffle House just up the street if you're looking for a breakfast place."

The woman regarded me dubiously. "You're SURE there isn't a Denny's?"

Oh please lady. You don't know, of course, but I've lived here 10 years. My town is about 10 miles across from east to west and less than that from north to south. I know all the restaurants. I even know where the restaurants that went out of business (like our Papa John's franchise) USED to be.

Now, OK, maybe there's a Secret Speakeasy Denny's someone is running out of their garage without corporate approval, but if there is, I sure don't know the password to get in.

"No, I'm sorry." I called back (Why am I sorry? It's not my fault.)

"There's no IHOP?"

"No, I'm sorry." NO there's no IHOP.

And she looks at me disbelievingly.

"There's NO IHOP?" Now look. Two things here: first, if we could get businesses here by wishing, trust me, we'd have had both a Target and a Trader Joe's a long time ago. And second: I can't stand it when I tell someone a True Fact and they don't want to believe me. I deal with it a lot from students. They come in wanting to know their grade, and I tally it up, and then I tell them, "I'm sorry" (and again: why? I didn't cause them to earn a poor grade) "But the best you can get in the class is a C." And they go into disbelief mode. They tell me to recalculate - I do. They still are, at best, going to earn a C. There is literally nothing they can do to earn a better grade. And yet - some of them - they get the idea that if, I don't know, they WISH hard enough or DENY hard enough, they'll get that A somehow. And it drives me up the wall. So I don't need it from a couple of late-middle-aged women who apparently just need a Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity fix.

"No, there's no IHOP," I responded wearily. "We have a Waffle House. And a Chili's. And fast food places." (We also have a couple tea rooms and coffee shops, and they're nice, but they're not open on Sundays, being largely one-person operations). I'm standing there under the hot sun, holding my six-pack of Gatorade in one hand and my bag of  "hygiene" supplies in the other, and wishing they'd just believe me so I could go home and fix myself lunch.

"What if we were to drive east on this road?" the woman asked, gesturing to the highway that becomes Main Street in the downtown, and then again becomes a 2-lane highway leading out of town. "Would we find one then?"

At that point I was really tempted to say, "Yeah, sure, knock yourself out. Maybe a Denny's will magically appear. Or maybe you'll just get to the state line and still be hungry." But of course, that would be rude, so instead, I just said, "Sorry, no. We don't have a Denny's or an IHOP. We have a Waffle House, a Chili's, and a number of fast-food restaurants."

(I suppose I could have told them that if they were willing to drive some 40 miles south, they'd find an IHOP. But I don't think that would have helped.)

The women looked at each other and shrugged. I don't know if they finally accepted what I had told them, or if they thought I was holding out on them, or if they thought I really didn't know what I was talking about, but they finally drove off.

But seriously. We don't have a freakin' Denny's. Or an IHOP. Or an Applebee's. Or a Perkin's. And when someone tells you our little town doesn't, why won't you believe them? There are only 12,000 of us here; we can't have EVERYTHING.