Where does a person draw the line?

This is something I agonize over.

We get, from time to time, students with various disabilities. I've spoken of this before. Some of the students do remarkably well - I remember a Blind student I had one year, who, all he asked was to be able to bring his special laptop (on which he touch-typed notes, and it could "read" them back to him when he wanted to study) and that I e-mail all class handouts and exams over to the Student Affairs office, so they could convert them to Braille for him.

I've also had students - though not in my "field" classes - with various physical disabilities, and dealing with those are not too difficult. (It might be more of a challenge in a "field" class, where we're out over rough terrain, but I suspect the student and I could figure something out).

But there are also some students, with the sort-of-vague "learning disability" or "mental health issue" diagnosis, who can't cope quite so happily. And sometimes it frustrates me. I've had the occasional instance of a student where I wondered if they might not have been taking a bit of advantage - there was, in fact, a minor scandal a few years ago when I had a student who needed a "note taker," who then figured that since they had someone to take their notes, they need not show up for class. Both I and the note-taker complained to the dean - and apparently this was not the only case of that that semester - and the policy was changed to make getting the notes contingent upon attendance. Which seems only fair to me.

Right now, though, it's an issue with co-workers. I have two co-workers on a project. One is wonderful, she is always there, always on time, if something comes up and she's going to be even five minutes late, she calls. Co-worker 1 is easy to work with, and I've loaned her books with no fear of not getting them back.

Co-worker 2 on the other hand - co-worker 2 has missed two of our meetings. She e-mailed me recently and said she "loses track of time." (And I even e-mail her the night before the meetings as a reminder). Another person who's worked with her remarks, "You have to cut her a little slack; she needs accommodations." (I have never seen paperwork, but then again I only get paperwork for students).

The thing is: when does being "accommodating" morph into "I am unnecessarily hamstringing my own ability to work."? Co-worker 1 and I had to cancel one meeting because co-worker 2 was absent and could not be reached (she later said she "overslept.") I know she's on medication of some sort and I can appreciate side effects and stuff...but where do you draw the line? Where do you say, "I'm sorry, but your chronic absences and lateness are messing up our project, we are going to have to cut you loose"? And what do you say if they play the "but I'm disabled" card?

Also, this co-worker has e-mailed me complaining that Co-worker 1 has not shared some information and data with her. Well, I don't blame Co-worker 1; she is probably afraid Co-worker 2 will lose it, which, from having worked with Co-worker 2 before, wouldn't be entirely surprising.

(Why do I always wind up working with two people who do not get along? Why am I always the peacemaker?)

I don't know. In a way some of these requests - some of the attitudes I've had from a few students - makes me think of Mr. Skimpole. I've had people tell me, with a merry laugh, that they simply "cannot be on time anywhere!" or that they "just can't stick to a deadline!" And you know, as their professor, I don't find those things nearly as cute or amusing as the students do. Because I have deadlines (grading deadlines) I must stick to, and I have places I must be at certain times - and I make a damn hard effort some days to do everything.

I'm reading "Bleak House" right now, and, while I'm not very far into it (maybe 1/4 of the way, I don't know), and he may redeem himself, Mr. Skimpole is simply one of the most aggravating characters I have encountered in literature.

He claims to be a "child, a mere child." He also remarks that he has no sense of time, or of money - so everything he has ever tried to do as a living has wound up going bust. Apparently all he wants to do is sit around and sketch with charcoal, and apparently he's either not good enough, or not ambitious about selling his work enough, to be employed as an artist.

So he mooches off of others. And the most odious thing, the thing that makes me want to (figuratively) drop-kick the character out of the book? He tells his benefactors they should be GRATEFUL to him. Because he gives them the opportunity to be generous.

At one point, he is about to be arrested for non-payment of debt. Esther Summerson and Richard (I forget his last name), neither of whom have much money at all - and what they have is earned through poorly paid labor and saved carefully over months - volunteer to get him out of the jam. And he is quite smug about it. And I wanted to slap him.

And I find that occasionally I run across someone who, while not quite as odious (I think that's the best word) as Skimpole, they seem to smugly accept their limitations (like: not being able to arrive places on time) and expect that everyone else will adjust to accommodate them, when they are putting many people out by not doing what is generally expected.

It's like the people and corporations and whatnot that spend recklessly and behave badly, and then expect the hardworking sorts to bail them out. You know - like the stereotypical person who took out huge loans so they could go on a super-top-drawer vacation somewhere warm, and when they can't pay their bills, they cry poor and want a handout to help them. And the hardworking folks, who didn't take that same vacation, who maybe took a (ugh) STAY-cation, wind up footing the bill. And it's terrible and it feels unfair.

And while I don't have any problem at all - quite the reverse - with true charity, with helping out families who can't make ends meet with food and clothes or shoes for the kids, and maybe even donations to help pay the rent or mortgage, I have little patience with people who don't want to conform to the basic rules of common sense (like: don't spend on luxuries when you can't afford them) and then expect others to bail them out - and even worse, if they're like Mr. Skimpole, expect the people to be thrilled to death to have that opportunity.