tough week?

I hate to say it, but I have a feeling this is going to be a difficult week for me emotionally.

I woke up this morning at my usual time and realized that it would be 12 hours before I could even think of returning home (and then I have to go out again at 7 for an evening class).

During my workout, listening to the news, the headline was presented about how the troops think the security crackdown in Baghdad is working because they are finding fewer dead bodies in the streets.

(And yeah: I know, the news is designed these days to elicit an emotional response. I think my response - that the troops still need to be there and they need to be TAKING OUT with extreme prejudice the people who are making unsafe for people to go and do their marketing or go to work or go to school - is probably the opposite of what was intended).

But still - that image, the idea that the troops are finding "fewer" dead bodies and that is somehow a good thing - it just kind of sapped my enthusiasm for the coming week, not to mention working out.

What's the point of taking steps to make yourself live until 90 or so in a world like this? What if it just gets worse? What if that were to happen here: how would we, as a society, cope with the thought that going to the wal-mart for a bag of chips could get you killed?

Why am I giving up an hour of sleep (which would probably make me happier) just to force my body to keep going longer through a world that seems to be descending into more and more madness?

It's something I've wondered about for years: first, during the IRA bombings in London, then during the suicide bombs in Jerusalem. I suppose you adopt some measure of fatality, that you accept that, "Well, I can't put off buying food any more, hope this is an off day for the killers."

I don't know. From time to time I suffer from a wee bit of what some people metaphorically call "the black dog" and I can feel it following me know, hear the huff of its breath and the clink of the tags on its collar. I turn and try to wave it off but it still follows.

I'm telling myself this is probably hormonal or related to the fact that nearly everything I am allergic to is making pollen or spores this week, but that still doesn't help.