extra credit grr

Okay, so I'm in my office grading and this little gem pops into my mailbox (names changed to protect both the innocent - me - and the guilty - the student):

"How are you doing [dr. ricki] sorry for the disturbance but I was emailing in request of any kind of extra credit I could do to further help me accomplish a C for the course. Please email me at [IknowImissedthelasttwoweeksbutI'mdesperate.net] in response to this message. It will be gladly appreciated and I'm willing to do anything, thank you."

(Other than the two redactions, yes, that is verbatim. At least he managed to spell things right even if he seems to be fond of the run-on sentence and his grammar's a little wonky).

Okay, a couple things here.

First off: classes are over. It would be unfair and unethical of me to offer extra credit to this chap alone even if I wanted to.

Second of all: as I alluded to in the faked-up version of his e-mail address, the fellow has missed the last two weeks of classes, a test, and several assignments. Extra credit at this point would be moot as it would not be great enough to pull him out of the hole he is in. For that matter, he wasn't exactly Mr. Diligent during the regular semester. Oh, maybe he had some "issue" but he didn't come and share it with me, so I'm left to assume that he simply didn't take the class seriously and is now freaking out when he sees he's failing.

And this kind of thing - pardon my French - pisses me off. He could VERY EASILY have talked to me earlier. But he did not. He SHOULD have done the class work - but he did not. And now he expects me to come up with some kind of SpongeBob SquarePants assignment so he can get his butt out of the sling that he has single-handedly placed said butt in.

Ethical ramifications aside, it is EXAM WEEK. I do not feel like writing some kind of silly make-up make-work assignment on top of what I am already doing just for this fellow.

I haven't e-mailed him back yet as so far all of the e-mails I've composed in my head have either had rude words in them or been some variant of "Flipping heck, are you SERIOUS?" I'm going to wait a bit and email him back, once again patiently explaining that I cannot do what he wishes for ethical reasons and reminding him that he had ample opportunities during the regular semester to actually take care of business.