Mr. W.T. Pooh and Company

A couple days ago on Tracey's blog, Kate P. made a comment about Eeyore being an IT guy: "ooooh deeear. We had a viiiiiirus."

That made me giggle. And it made me think a bit:

If Pooh and friends worked in a corporation, what would each one of them do?

I think the Eeyore-as-IT-guy is a good start; most of the IT guys I've known have had that kind of hangdog, expect-the-worst disposition.

Rabbit would have to be in accounting; he seems to have the soul of a bean-counter. And he'd be the sort of chap who'd NEVER come up off money if he could avoid it.

Piglet would be a cubicle-dweller in fear of his job. Or maybe a temp. That kind of almost pants-wettingly fearful attitude (at least in Disney Piglet) seems to suit.

Owl would probably be R and D. Thinks he knows more than he actually does.

Gopher (who I'm going to include, even though I really rather dislike the character in the Disney Pooh movies, and I wish they hadn't dinked with the books quite so much) would be in Infrastructure. He'd be the guy who walks around in a hard hat, shaking his head, because he knows the machinery won't produce at the rate which he's being told it needs to produce at.

Tigger would be one of those annoying HR types - who's all hepped up about MORALE and FUN and MAKING WORK LIKE PLAY. The kind of people that the cubicle-dwellers roll their eyes over when they hear him bounding down the hall. He'd be the kind of guy who buys an "office dog" until it turns out that Piglet is violently allergic to it. Or the kind of person who tries to initiate Trust Exercises and Kanga is all worried about Owl groping her during the "trust fall."

Kanga would be the token female on staff (kind of like the engineer-lady in Dilbert). Being a single mom, she'd probably be all agitatey for on-site day care, and flex hours, and stuff. She'd have to be a little strident just to make herself heard.But secretly, she'd be the one who'd keep the office fridge stocked and she'd be the one to make sure that Piglet got fed something after having a midafternoon low-blood-sugar crash.

And that leaves Pooh. I suppose, being a bear of little brain and all, he'd have to be the CEO. (Or maybe Owl would be the CEO, and Pooh would have to be a cubicle-dweller along with Piglet; I've not totally worked that out in my mind.)

So, that's the Hundred Akre Wood meets The Office.

I'm also going to go with something I know much more intimately: the college campus. If the Pooh folk were professors, what would their fields be?

Rabbit would either be Accounting (again) or perhaps Agronomy. (Actually, a lot of the soil scientists I've known are a bit Rabbit-ish.)

Owl would be Philosophy. Or one of those disciplines that often gets accused of being all think and no action.

Tigger would be what is called on some campuses Kinesiology, and on others HPER or HYPER. (HYPER. That suits Tigger well.) Again, he'd be kind of a busybody, all tied up with the Athletic program, all into getting people to participate and cheer and stuff. And that would really tick Eeyore off.

Eeyore would have to be either Economics (the Dismal Science, don't ya know) or else one of those biologists who studies emerging infectious diseases ("There's another bird flu outbreak in Germany; we're allllll screwwwwwwwwed.")

Pooh....well, it wouldn't matter what discipline he was in. He'd be one of those beloved old professors who has been there for so long and is so tenured and so much a part of campus, that he could walk into the classroom and fall asleep on the podium, and no one would really care. (Or he could be Meteorology - after all, he has an intimate knowledge of what it is to be a "little gray rain cloud.")

Kanga - to suggest Women's Studies is too easy and too cheap, and I also think that's not quite who Kanga is. Perhaps she'd be what used to be called Home Ec - and is now called FCCLA or somesuch. Or she'd be in Elementary Ed. (Actually, that seems to suit Kanga - I can see her in one of those denim tent-jumpers and sensible crepe-soled shoes that I tend to associate with the women who want to teach primary school. And she'd sort of squeal a lot, and her voice would have that singsongy inflection...)

Piglet. Piglet is hard. I kind of think Piglet might be mathematics, just because I am thinking of the show "Numbers" (and no, I WILL not spell it with the e substituted by a 3) and Peter MacNicol on it. And Peter MacNicol always kind of reminded me of Piglet (even though I will admit to having a wee tiny crush on Peter MacNicol)

And Gopher - even though I'm not nuts about Gopher, I'll include him again. Gopher would not, as you might expect, be Engineering. Gopher is not brilliant enough and is far, far too talkative and busybodyish to be the stereotypical engineer. No, Gopher is Industrial Hygiene (and that is cracking me up, as I know several guys in Industrial Hygiene and one of them is a Lot. Like. Gopher.)