Better.

In my office, I often listen to an online classical-music station.

Today they are playing nice settings (sung by a good choir and NOT overly, gloppily "sweetened" with violins or harps or things) of old Christmas carols.

One of the ones was the old traditional "Sussex Carol" and another was one I've heard before (but not often) that is called "How Far to Bethlehem." Most of them are ones that have not been done to death by Muzak, which is partly why hearing them is such a joy and such an - almost - surprise. A sort of remembering, a "I had forgot how pretty that setting of those words was."

And it makes me feel better. It makes me forget all the crap that I've had to deal with over the past week. It gives me hope that even though there are people who behave in ways that disappoint or upset me, there are a lot more people out there who generally behave in ways that are good and kind.

And it reminds me that in less than a week, now, I will be in my parents' house. I will be on break. I will be free to sit at the kitchen "bar" and talk with my mother as she works, or make cookies, or go visit friends I had back when I lived there. Or just sit and knit or read a book. And that it will all be quiet and good and safe and I will be able to put my keys in the bottom of my purse and not have to think about them for three weeks - not have to think about even driving a car, or cooking.


And I will be back among the people that I love better than anyone else on this earth. People who understand me so completely that when something is upsetting me I just have to say a few words and they know instantly what the problem is, but also people who know precisely what delights me and fills me with joy and who themselves take joy in doing those things because they like to see me happy. And people that I feel that way about - who I understand what makes them happy and unhappy and there aren't the strange sad mixed signals and missed communications that I sometimes have with friends or more distant relatives.

And, I will be back in the milieu of the old family jokes - the funny childhood words my brother and I used to refer to things that kind of stuck, the "do you remember back in 1982 when..." stories from Christmas, the "Oh, I remember the year we got this ornament!".

And when my brother and sister-in-law get there, we can all sit around and play board games. (They're avid gamers, of the sort that like things like Settlers of Catan. I'm not a big gamer myself but when they're around I'm happy to play with them.) It will be a joy to hear my sister-in-law's laugh again and see my brother's crooked grin when he's up to something.

My family are all very silly people: silly in a good and wonderful way. I laugh a lot when I am with them.

I guess some families bring up old hurts at Christmastime and on other holidays. I'm blessed that in my family, we bring up the things that made us all laugh or enjoy in the past.