(spinning around, sputtering, and with steam coming out my ears)

That is how you need to imagine me right now. Picture a female (taller, prettier) version of Rumplestiltskin and you've pretty much got it.

In the past two days, I have:

1. Spent an entire day with my thumb up my butt waiting on a scheduled (previously scheduled) cable repair person to come. I was told "They'll call a half hour before they come out." I was later told "They'll come between 8 and 1." And finally, "Oh, my gosh - no one showed up?" (at five pm).

2. Had a leaking toilet - bad wax seal. This has happened before. It's part and parcel of living in an old house where a lot of things have been gerry-rigged over the years and where the floors slope and the foundation shifts. But - I called a plumber. Called 15 plumbers, in fact. Everyone is booked up. (And yet there are those who claim our economy is just short of dying). It's the building boom here - workmen would rather work on taking an empty building up from scratch than go out and help an existing homeowner. (I kind of don't blame them; I'd rather do work not involving people much of the time).

Anyway - the last guy I called, I started to cry. I did not want to but I was at that point where it was either cry or put my fist through a wall. And I didn't want to have to try to get someone out to repair plaster.

He told me "Well, it's possible for a homeowner to do it themselves..." and kind of roughed out the steps. (I think it was probably because I did cry; I was at the end of my rope. I have only one bathroom in my house so if it stops working, I am quite literally up shit creek.)

So I went and bought a wax seal. (And had to call the cable company and give them my cell phone number, in case the tech might call while I was out. )

And changed it.

And you know? I'd rather pay someone to do it. Even though a service call is like $70 and a new wax seal costs like $5. It's a nasty and unpleasant job. And it involves lifting a toilet. And it involves fairly close contemplation of the pipe that everything you really don't want to deal with goes down - everything that you have a flush toilet for - during the process.

I have discovered the limit of my strength; I am strong enough to lift a toilet twice in a day but no more than that.

3. Got someone out to work on my busted garage door opener. Found out that the circuit board had burnt up, and will need to wait until a new one arrives.

4. Had the cable guy (who was about as creepy as the Jim Carrey character) show up today. He told me he wasn't "allowed" to configure my computer; all he could do was set up the cable modem.

I spent five hours trying to get my computer to talk to the modem. That is even before trying to set up the router that will theoretically make the entire setup wireless.

Those five hours were spent sitting in a cramped crouch on my hallway floor (between my office and my living room) trying to get cables and power-cord to stretch.

I spent an hour on the phone with a tech guy. At one point he told me, in exasperation, "You get to the internet by clicking on the "e"" (Meaning: open Internet Explorer, you biddy.)

I do not like being talked down to. I do not like people assuming that because something is not working it is because I am stupid. I coldly remarked: "I have tried opening both Internet Explorer and Firefox, which is the BROWSER I prefer [I wanted to say, but didn't, that I knew what a browser was] and in both cases, the browser could not connect to any of the websites I tried, meaning there is no internet connection."

After an hour of plugging and unplugging, telling him which lights were and were not lit on the modem, he gave up. Told me the LAN connection was probably fried, and that I needed to buy a PC/MCIA adaptor that would allow me to attach the cable to it.

Our local wal-mart, although they carry routers, does not carry that item. I will be d****d if I am driving a half hour to the next largest city for a PC/MCIA adaptor.

What makes me angry, is that I'm at the absolute limit of my powers here. I have done everything I know how to do and I cannot make it work. And I am paying for the new "high speed" internet (allegedly high speed, I will believe it once I get it working.)

My dial-up is still working at home (I was told it was "no longer supported" which I assumed meant disconnected, but maybe they lied to me) So I'm using that now.

I guess - after buying a $60 router, and after buying a $25 PC/MCIA card (that's what the cable helpdesk guy said they cost), I will also have to hire a tech.

Gah. This is like renovating a house. Only you can't live in it.

I hate technology sometimes. And I especially hate people who assume people fall into one of two camps: totally proficient who can do everything for themselves with no help, or so stupid and backward that they probably forgot to turn the computer on. I am not a stupid woman. However, I lack expertise when it comes to wiring, and the different flavors of internet connectivity, and dealing with all the unseen hardware inside the computer. I want help with that. I do not need someone saying "Click. On. The. EEEEEEEE." like I'm four years old or mentally defective.

So, I guess Monday I call for a tech. And spend another lovely thumb-in-the-ass day at home, waiting for someone to show up.

All I can say is: when I have an appointment to help someone, I'm there, come hell or high water. The LEAST I would ask for local workmen would be to call me and let me know they won't make it, instead of leaving me hanging for a whole entire day.

Oh, and now I have to take the 20 pounds of barbecued chicken wings that I spent the day cooking (between cussing at the computer and pulling wires) to a place I've never been to before, where I'm not sure I will have help getting them out of my car. And I'm not sure I'll get the opportunity to eat (Although after making 20 pounds of chicken wings, no matter how delicious they may have turned out, I'm not sure I want to see chicken again for a while.

So it's been a pretty crappy weekend, all around.

Oh, I know - it's all "in the larger scheme of things, this means nothing" stuff, but for some reason I'm a lot better at coping with the big stuff than the little stuff. I think it's because I feel like the little stuff SHOULD go smoothly; I kind of accept that big stuff sometimes goes wrong.

I'm also bugged about the sheer amount of money I've spent trying to solve a problem (connectivity) that's still not solved. I am a deeply cheap person in many ways. I do not mind spending money on a problem if there is clearly a good outcome. But I do not like spending money when the outcome may or may not be good - for all I know, the tech could conclude the cable strength or something here is insufficient to support broadband connectivity.