argh (TMI, be forewarned)

This may embarrass the guys. Be forewarned.

I think I may be starting to go through "the change." I get really pukey the week before my period (I don't actually throw up but walk around with an upset stomach, like I have a low grade viral thing). And I get cold. And I feel a lot crappier, physically, than I ever remember feeling before. (Luckily, with me, PMS is almost entirely physiological - I don't get the upset/cranky/easily brought to tears set up that some women get). I just kind of hurt, get muscle aches and things. And I'm tired, which really sucks. I get into bed to read and manage maybe fifteen minutes before I'm starting to fall asleep and drop the book and stuff.

I remember when my mom was starting - I didn't even realize what it was, I was kind of young - she was throwing up all the time. (She spent most of the family trip to Disney World looking for restrooms and staying off of the roller coasters).

Or maybe it's what they call perimenopause. I don't know. Whatever it is, it kind of sucks.

(I asked my gyn at the last appointment, her response was, "This is unfortunately how it sometimes goes for people; I can't find anything wrong with you that would suggest that it's anything BUT what you think it is").

She also thinks that for me - given family history and such - I could be dealing with this for as long as ten years. Oh joy.

Thank goodness for those buckwheat things you can heat up in the microwave and put on the ouchie parts, and for candied ginger (it keeps me from being TOO pukey without having to resort to something that might have side effects).

I've never complained about being female - I never felt discriminated against because of my gender and such - and I never had problems before. But I'm kind of not looking forward to dealing with this every month for the next 120 months, if my gyn is right. I don't know if soy would help; I tend not to eat much soy because my mom's actually allergic to it and I've heard that it may not be a great idea to eat TOO much; if you develop a cancer that feeds on estrogen it can make it worse. And I'm kind of unwilling to go the herbal route and take black cohosh and such; I have such weird reactions to some medications that have been rigorously tested that I sort of fear the herbals and what they might do to me.

The upset stomach and not-being-able-to-eat-normally is the worst part; I rely on dry cereal a lot for my meals because it's one thing I can trust not to make me feel worse. The people who make Cheerios probably never thought of that as a marketing strategy...