trying not to feel guilty...

First off: Apparently Bo Schembechler is dead of a heart attack.

I was a student at Michigan during the "Schembechler years." I regarded him as one of the good things about the school (there were a lot of bad things, including the size, the incredible crushing fees, the lines, and the stupid political posturings of so many of the students). Bo was cool. Bo kicked ass. Bo was immediately recognizable.

So it makes me a little sad to see another figure from my callow youth gone.

RIP, Bo. (If this is even true. The radio says he is dead but yahoo news has no updates.)

But the real point of this post is: I took a partial sick-day today. I'm trying not to feel guilty about it even though I was genuinely sick.

I woke up this morning a little headachy. Nothing unusual for winter, especially with a low-pressure-system on the way. Went to school.

One of the things about my building that I hate with a white-hot passion is the stupid wonky heating and a/c system. It was badly designed, poorly installed, and the company that did the shoddy work refuses to admit that they made any mistakes.

Physical plant also disclaims any possibility of it being true that the building might be uncomfortable to be in, although they never come over there to CHECK.

The first floor - where I teach my night class - is roasting most of the year. My co-teacher and I even get negative comments on our evaluations about the temperature of the room, even though the students know we have no control of it.

The second floor - where most of the classrooms are - is usually freezing in the winder. The person who designed the "public spaces" of the building went with these high swoopy ceilings. Well, high swoopy ceilings may look nice, but they're a bitch to heat.

Also - our weather has been so changeable here, that it's 50 one day and 80 the next, so the boilers have not been turned on. So the classroom building is fricking freezing.

So I went to give the exam in my early class. And sitting in the chilly room, I started to feel worse. My head began to throb on one side. After the exam, I scuttled back to my office and choked down a couple ibuprofin (I gave my last Excedrin Migraine to a student who was suffering one day and I haven't thought to replace my office-bottle). I tried to grade the exam but my head got worse.

I knew it was because of the hot-cold issue. I went to tell the secretary: "I know you have no say in this but if we're making up a complaint list as to why we don't like the way the heating system works, you can add 'causes migraines in ricki' to the list."

I also realized at that point that all the scents around me - the secretary's perfume, the usual moldy fug of the building - were unusually intense. Which is the second migraine symptom. Then I got the light sensitivity. Then I started to get an upset stomach.

Finally, I decided that there was no way in heck I could teach my next-hour's class. I felt like I was going to puke and my head was throbbing. So I asked the secretary to dismiss class for me (she had to do the class evaluations anyway) and I went home.

I just barely got in the door and I realized I was going to throw up. This is usually the end of a migraine for me. (Ironically, it makes me feel better). And yeah, I did.

And then I felt better. Not super-stellar better, but not like I was going to die either.

And I realized: I'd be marginally good enough to go back and teach. (It was 15 minutes until class time; I live about 7 minutes from campus).

In the end, I decided to bag it: this means I have sufficient material for Monday so I don't have to let them go early (I do not like to contribute to "vacation creep" by going, 'ah, well, we're at a good stopping point so let's leave early today' because then the students come to expect it). And the building will still be temperaturely challenged, and that might bring the migraine back. (I've had that happen - thought I was over the thing, overdid it, and got sick again).

I do need to clean house as my parents are coming to visit on Tuesday, and Friday afternoon feels like a good time to clean (I was going to come home after my last class of the day - the 11:00 - and clean anyway).

But I still feel hella guilty. I COULD have gone back and taught. Why didn't I? I might not have been so hot at it today, I might have made some mistakes (I get almost dyslexic or dysgraphic when my head hurts). But I could have done it.

Why do I feel so guilty canceling a class more-or-less legitimately (migraine, and I did vomit), and yet there are hundreds - maybe thousands - of people who think nothing of ditching three days of responsibilities (whatever they may be) to wait on line to by a Playstation? How do I check into a little bit of that guilt-free attitude?