staying in the hole

Okay, this is one of those periodic "I don't understand this aspect of human behavior" posts.

In the church I belong to, we have communion every week. It is administered by deacons taking the trays of bread and cups and carrying them down into the congregation to serve people. (They also serve the choir, which is behind the communion table. This will become important in a moment).

One week when I was serving as elder, we were short one deacon. (It happens; we are a small group and this was during the summer when a lot of folks were on vacation). So I handed one tray to one deacon and a second tray to the other, leaving one set of trays (On the other side - the "wine" side- there were three deacons and the elder there gave out all the trays. Two deacons from that side serve that side of the congregation and the third goes to serve the various rooms where women are doing the nursery or running Children's Church).

At any rate...the second deacon on my side immediately started serving the choir. As a result, one woman on the far right hand side of the congregation (and her "gentleman friend") got missed. By the time the person serving the choir got to them, he had run out of elements.

Now, I realize the Catholics in my readership do this very differently. And the Protestants may not be in a situation where Communion is served regularly. But...what would you have done in that situation, if you had been "missed"?

Here's what I would have done: either overlooked it for a week (God will understand), or, if I felt strongly about it, I would have waited until most of the congregation had left at the end and either caught the pastor or one of the elders and quietly said, "I got missed at communion. Could you help me make that up right now?"

My assumption would have been that it was a mistake, an oversight...something easily corrected and not to be taken personally.

The problem is, this woman (and her friend) did take it personally. Apparently she was very insulted by it. I don't know why; I don't know if she feels that she's looked down upon for being a widow with a "gentleman friend" or something.

Anyway, apparently she kind of took it out on the (interim) pastor and also the woman who is the Head Elder.

And she was still talking about it this week. Apparently her friend is so insulted that he's not coming back.

And here's what was done: The pastor and head elder both apologized. The head elder explained it was an oversight - clearly, there were one too few deacons that day. She took communion to the woman and her friend at her house when she went out to do communion for the homebound members that day.

No harm, no foul, would be my conclusion. People went out of their way to correct the problem.

But she's still hurt and unhappy about it.

And this is the "I don't get it" part: I tend to assume, in cases where something that slighted me could be interpreted as either an intentional slight or a mistake, that a mistake was made - a miscommunication, an oversight, a foul-up, something that is not personal and not personally directed at me. ESPECIALLY if someone comes afterward and goes, "I'm so sorry that that happened but here's the explanation..." Then I will smile and shrug and say, "Things like that happen" and let the person know I'm not upset and that whatever supposed wrong has been forgiven and will be quickly forgotten. (Even in some cases where it might JUST be an intentional slight, I tend to choose the path of assuming no harm - in the long run, I'm happier, even if I'm maybe turning a bit of a blind eye).

I don't get continuing to hold a grudge over something that was a silly oversight, especially if it's been explained and amends have been made.

I see it almost this way: it's like the person in question somehow finds themselves at the bottom of a hole. And they're sitting there complaining about how it's damp and oozy and cold. And a bunch of other people are standing around the rim of the hole, lowering down ropes and ladders and flashlights and even OFFERING to go down into the hole to help the person out. And the person is all, "No, I'm staying down here" but then continues to complain about the damp and the darkness and cold and maybe even intimates that SOME PEOPLE could come down and help them, but didn't...

And I don't know what to DO with people like that. I don't like to listen to someone continue to sit and complain when all reasonable accommodations have been made.

What I'd like to say to this woman? "Get OVER yourself. It is NOT about you. Good heavens, you're in your 70s [actually I think she's in her 80s, but let's lowball the age here], you are a grown up. This is one of the things I try to teach my Youth Group kids not to do!"

But I guess some people enjoy feeling wronged and pouting over it. Okay, fine...stay in your hole if it makes you happy. I'll be up here in the sunshine when you're ready for someone to give you a boost out.