work avoidancy hoy

Yeah, so everyone and their brother's done this, so I'll do it too, instead of typing the exam I should be typing. I'm gonna add commentary as well:

(You know the drill: bolded means it's something a person has done)

Started my own blog

Slept under the stars If you count being in a tent. I camped a few times as a kid. I do not camp as an adult and actually strive to avoid it as ardently as possible.

Played in a band Junior high band, yeah. Not the cool kind of band, though.

Visited Hawaii

Watched a meteor shower Heck, I've watched a meteor shower IN Hawaii. (It was the Perseid time)

Given more than I can afford to charity - not quite.

Been to Disneyland/world World but not Land.

Climbed a mountain - I did climb a SMALL mountain (well, they called it such) on a visit to Hot Springs but I'm not going to count it because it didn't require training or gearing up.

Held a praying mantis. I've also held stick insects. Funny story: there was one of those "cool" guys from the wealthy Chicago 'burbs in my ecology class one semester when I was a TA. He was almost a little bit like the stereotypical "guido" only higher-class and marginally less annoying. Well, one day a stick insect landed on him and he Freaked. Out. Started screaming "Get it off me! Get the ****** off me!" So I walked over, calmly picked it off with my bare hands, and proceeded to show it to the class and explain their role in the ecosystem. It was one of the sweeter moments of my TA career. Guido treated me with more respect after that incident.

Sung a solo - Nope.

Bungee jumped - Hell no! (As Maggie May said)

Visited Paris - Not even Paris, Texas.

Watched lightning at sea

Taught myself an art from scratch Most of the stuff I do I had help with but I did learn thread crochet from scratch using a book.

Adopted a child

Had food poisoning Crikey. Who hasn't?

Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

Grown my own vegetables . Yes. I try not to tally up what they actually cost me per item in terms of effort, irrigation water, and fertilizer.

Seen the Mona Lisa in France -
Slept on an overnight train - I do this (well, I HOPE I sleep) every time I go to visit my family

Had a pillow fight - Why do people think women are all about this? I have never participated, not even actually seen one

Hitchhiked - Oh hells no. I value my life too much.

Taken a sick day when not ill - it's hard for me to do it even WHEN I am ill

Built a snow fort Yes, yay! And even when I was a not-so-little kid: that's one of the joys of having a younger sibling; you get to do stuff you might be deemed "too old" for in the name of "I'm just helping him."

Held a lamb

Gone skinny dipping - Far too many body issues for this

Run a marathon

Ridden in a gondola in Venice -

Seen a total eclipse - Not in person, no. I've seen them on tv.

Watched a sunrise or sunset Yes - I've both sat and watched (usually sunrise) and noticed-in-passing (sunrise as I'm driving to work

Hit a home run - I am so not athletic.

Been on a cruise

Seen Niagara Falls in person Yup, twice. It's pretty cool.

Visited the birthplace of my ancestors - Depends on how you define it; recent ancestors (like great-greats) yes (Massachusetts), more distant, no (Ireland, Scotland, and Germany)

Seen an Amish community I've eaten in Amish-run restaurants.

Taught myself a new language - I speak French and a wee bit of German, but both of those were taught in a classroom setting.

Had enough money to be truly satisfied Pretty much have it now.

Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

Gone rock climbing - No, but I would like to someday. I'd like to have access to one of those rock-climbing gyms to train; I'd love to build up my upper-body strength more.

Seen Michelangelo's David - Not in person

Sung karaoke - No, I have too many dignity issues

Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt - No, actually never have been to Yellowstone

Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant I figured that was better than giving the guy cash as a handout

Visited Africa -

Walked on a beach by moonlight

Been transported in an ambulance - Not that I can remember

Had my portrait painted - Nope

Gone deep sea fishing

Seen the Sistine Chapel in person -

Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris -

Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

Kissed in the rain

Played in the mud all the time as a kid. My mom used to have to take the hose and blast the excess mud off of me in the backyard (in my play clothes) before she'd let me come in the house.

Gone to a drive-in theater - I don't remember ever doing this. Maybe when I was a tiny kid for one of my parents' "Date nights"

Been in a movie - Not an "official" movie but my dad took a few old Super 8 movies of Christmases from when I was like 6 and 7.

Visited the Great Wall of China -

Started a business

Taken a martial arts class -

Visited Russia - Gosh, there are an awful lot of travel questions in this.

Served at a soup kitchen

Sold Girl Scout Cookies Which is what made me quit the Girl Scouts. I hate selling things.

Gone whale watching -

Gotten flowers for no reason - Waaaah! No.

Donated blood, platelets or plasma And it's about time to do it again.

Gone sky diving - No, but maybe someday.

Visited a Nazi concentration camp

Bounced a check - No, I can say with some pride.

Flown in a helicopter

Saved a favorite childhood toy More than one, in fact. The one thing I would grab if my house were on fire is, in fact, an old childhood toy I have saved.

Visited the Lincoln Memorial - Yes, but I was four, so I almost don't remember it.

Eaten caviar

Pieced a quilt Yup. In fact, I have one in-process right now.

Stood in Times Square -

Toured the Everglades Spring break circa 1980. Trip with my family.

Been fired from a job -

Seen the Changing of the Guard in London -

Broken a bone - Broke my elbow about 15 years ago. Luckily it didn't go out of place and so all they had to do was slap a cast on it and watch it.

Been on a speeding motorcycle -

Seen the Grand Canyon in person North Rim, 1995.

Published a book - No, but I have had a few scientific journal articles published.

Visited the Vatican -

Bought a brand new car - Not, I admit with embarrassment, with all my own money. (My dad helped me out.)

Walked in Jerusalem - No, but I'd like to see it someday. If it doesn't get all blowded up and stuff.

Had my picture in the newspaper - Spelling Bee, seventh and eighth grade. Yes, I am a big big geek.

Read the entire Bible - Probably not in its entirety. Most of it though

Visited the White House -

Killed and prepared an animal for eating - I am grateful that I do not need to do that.

Had chickenpox Yes, and I missed the ONE field trip my fifth grade class got to do that year. Thanks a lot, little brother!

Saved someone's life - Not that I'm aware of. Possibly some of my past blood donations did, but that would not be entirely thanks to me; the doctors would have to get most of the credit

Sat on a jury - No, but have been on duty.

Met someone famous - Not that I can think of. No, wait. I met Earll Kingston (probably most of you don't know him) once.

Joined a book club - Yeah, but it wound up to be more of a mommytalk session so I dropped out.

Lost a loved one That was kinda the theme for 2008.

Had a baby

Seen the Alamo in person -

Swam in the Great Salt Lake - I've seen it but not swum in it

Been involved in a law suit - Only those class-action things, like I got some of my money back from the Worldcom stock crap-out.

Owned a cell phone Yeah, but I don't treat it like an appendage.

Been stung by a bee Again: who hasn't?

Ridden an elephant - I would totally love to someday

Read all three volumes of the Lord of the Rings - I bogged down in Book Two. Too many battle scenes.

Visited the Taj Mahal - No.

Performed in a dance recital - That is like one of my nightmares. Think Hyacinth Hippo, only less graceful.

Been on horseback while the horse jumped over something

Won an athletic competition -

Gotten a straight-A report card

Prayed to Zeus - What? Are we in 650 BC all of a sudden?

Watched news coverage, rapt, to see what was going to happen - More times than probably is good for me. Most recently the attack in Mumbai. (I have friends who are Indian, and though none of them were there of course, I still felt kind of sad for them.)

Gotten lost in a building more than 500 years old -

Kissed somebody milliseconds before bells started to ring - What? Is that supposed to symbolize something?

Seven weird reading facts about me

Since Joel tagged me.

Seven weird reading facts about me. I don't know how "weird" all of these are, some of you may do these also:

1. I always have more than one book going at a time. I like to trade off what I am reading on based on how I feel any given day. I always have a novel and a non-fiction book going at once, often I also have a mystery novel and a second non-fiction book as well.

2. When I am planning travel, even before I start thinking about clothing, I think about what books I am going to take to read while traveling. Because you have to be very careful about this: you do not want to take a total unknown quantity on vacation with you, and find you are stuck on a train or in an airport with a book you loathe and want to throw across the room. I usually take multiple books with me, usually 2 more than I actually realistically can finish.

3. I actually read kind of slowly. I'm not one of those people who can blow through a novel in a weekend. It can take me six months or more to read a thick novel, especially if the language is a bit archaic. I can tell I read much more slowly if I'm reading Dickens or Austen than if I'm reading some recent novel that's written in today's vernacular.

4. I have weak muscles around my eyes (I forget what the eye doctor said they were called) and I find if I get too close to a page of print, the words kind of "jump around" because the focus-muscles are twitchy. I've never had a problem with reading because of the weak muscles, though, I just have to be careful not to get the book too close to my nose. (Except I am pretty near-sighted, so I can't have the book too far away).

5. I wear eyeglasses to correct nearsightedness and astigmatism; I nearly always take them off if I'm reading something for any length of time. It seems more comfortable for my eyes to do it that way (and I secretly believe that maybe doing that will help stave off my needing bifocals for a few more years).

6. I can remember where a particular passage is in a book - if it's on a right or left hand side page, and roughly how far down the page it is. However, I'm terrible at actually REMEMBERING the passage so if I want to quote something, I have to go and look it up. I'm also often really bad at remembering author's names, so if there's a book in a series I like and I want to buy more by the same author, I have to write down the name and take it to the bookstore with me.

7. I rarely get rid of books, even if it's very unlikely I will read that particular one again. Even the cheap paperback mysteries. Even though I really DON'T re-read (except for a few beloved books/stories and, of course, the Bible), I still like to have all my books around me.

And I'm going to cheat and give a couple more:

8. I will use any flat object at hand as a book mark. I've used receipts, ticket stubs from the train, envelopes, even cancelled checks (not so smart if you take the book out of the house). I sometimes will dog-ear a page but only on books I paid less than $10 for.

9. I read cookbooks while I eat, sometimes. I like to read cookbooks, especially those that are "historical" in nature (like the Little House cookbook) or those that have a lot of "commentary" from the author.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you've not done this and would like to, consider yourself tagged.

****

And I'll also mention the two books I'm reading right now:

The Pickwick Papers (which yes, has a longer name, but this is what I know it as) by Dickens, of course. I love this book. It makes me chuckle. I would love to be sister to Mr. Pickwick or Mr. Snodgrass (or perhaps Mr. Snodgrass' sweetheart). There's such a humor to this book. I love rambling books like this - where there might be a whole chapter devoted to a story that one character tells, or where there are funny little side-plots.

This seems to me (though I could be wrong), the sunniest book Dickens wrote. I'm about half way and haven't seen any of the classic Dickens downtrodden folk or outrage at injustices yet.

And the story about the Sexton and the goblin reads like an early draft of "A Christmas Carol" in some ways.

I'm also reading a book called The Spartans by...hold on, have to go check (again: bad at remembering author's names)

It's by Paul Cartledge.

I started this a while back, put it aside when I got distracted by another book*, and just recently re-started it. Ancient Greece fascinates me because although it's supposed to be the model for our democracy, it is SO different. The culture is totally different - and there are a lot of differences between the different city-states.

I admit that I'm still weak on the different "ages" of Greece - Classical, Hellenic, etc.

I read a lot of history about ancient cultures because - I can't quite explain why - they interest me a lot. I suppose it's that distance, that wondering about "How did they think? How did they live?"

I can say from what I've read I'm fairly glad I don't live in Sparta or in a culture like it. Not as a female (even though they were apparently better treated than they were in Athens) and not as a male, either. It's this culture that is almost monofocal: training up an army to fight. Young men are sent away to military school. They spend their teen years training and their young adult years serving in the military. To not serve is a deep dishonor. Apparently they don't even marry until later on in life.

Still, it's fascinating to learn about, especially when I'm tucked up comfortably in my nice bed. There's something oddly appealing - perhaps a bit of schadenfreude involved - about reading about historical hardships others have faced when you're safe at home.

I had begun a biography of Alan Turing but put it aside because the author's intense focus on Turing's "gheyness" kind of put me off. Perhaps it really was that important to the man; perhaps it really did shape his life (and lead to his premature ending of his life). But I'm more curious about how the man came up with his theories than I am about all of the supposed buggery he was involved with in school. (Or perhaps I just need to blip over the first few chapters).

It's like the guy writing the book is salivating over all the "lascivious" stuff he can write about Turing. And while the fact that the man was gay, and was gay at a time when it was dangerous in Britain to be gay, it's like that information isn't presented in a matter of fact way, it's presented more like "hee hee hee, look what I know." And that bugs me.

I don't know. I get frustrated with books that are supposedly about the "great ideas" (which is how this one was marketed) and they turn out to seem to have been written to titillate. I mean, it's unfortunate that Turing was persecuted for his orientation...but that's really not what matters to me about the man; what I want to know is how he thought and what he did.

(*This is another odd reading habit of mine - I will "throw over" books I'm partway through if another book on a different topic grabs my interest. I almost always come back to the original book though.)

WordGirl's meme

So here goes.


1) The correct ratio of milk to cereal is:
a) 1 to 1 -- with exactly the same amount of milk and cereal left at the end of the bowl
b) 2 to 1 -- with a puddle of cereal-flavored milk left to slurp at the end of the bowl
c) [blank stare]

Definitely 1 to 1. I count it as a win if all (or very nearly all) the milk is gone when I have finished the cereal. I don't like having to drink that last bit of gritty, cereal-flavored milk.

2) Bread crumbs in the butter is:
a) nasty
b) normal

I'm taking the middle road on this: it happens, but it's not something I'd choose to happen. Were the world not in its fallen state, there would never be bread crumbs in the butter.

3) Correct toilet paper installation requires that the paper emerge from the roll:
a) over the top -- it's more convenient
b) underneath -- it looks tidier when not in use
c) whichever way it can get to your posterior and/or naughty bits to do the job

I am merely thankful that I live in a time and a place where toilet paper is available. The arrangement of it on the dispenser matters not to me.

4) Is the following an actual DeForest Kelly line?
"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not an escalator!"
a) Yes
b) No

This is a trick question, right? It's not actually DeForest Kelley who says that line, but someone playing him playing Bones?

5) The best name for a dog is:
a) Bruiser
b) Neville
c) Foxy Brown
d) Kevin

Of those, I think I'd pick Foxy Brown. Though if I could pronounce it KEV-eeen, the way they do on the opening of 3-2-1 Penguins, I might be persuaded to go with Kevin.

6) Stick shift or automatic?
a) Manual baby!
b) Automatic, all the way.

I don't even know how to drive a stick.

7) Micheal Bolton is:
a) awesome
b) a hack
c) going to have to work on Saturday because his TPS reports are incorrect

A hack. (and seriously: why didn't that guy just go with "Mike"? If there were some idiot running around with my name, I'd just change it - or go by my middle name instead.)


8) You have ridden public transit in your home town:
a) a couple of times to avoid paying for parking when you party
b) never -- that's why you have a car
c) almost every day since you've had a choice

Moot question - public transit does not exist in my home town.

9) Foods touching each other on your plate is:
a) FREAKY!
b) irrelevant
c) Plate? You typically eat from something Styrofoam/paper that has a lid or handle

Freaky, all the way. I don't LIKE it when the food touches.

10) You read ____ books per month:
a) 0
b) 1-2
c) 3-4

B, aspiring to C. (If you could count scientific journal articles it would actually be a lot more)

11) Pancakes or waffles should:
a) be swimming in syrup -- you like it sweet and sloppy
b) be barely kissed by syrup -- you like it subtle and nuanced
c) naked -- you're a purist
d) be slathered in butter and grape jelly

It depends. If it's a really good pancake or waffle, then b. If it's some kind of indifferent made-from-a-mix low-grade restaurant-cake, then a.

12) You have ____ close friends (with whom you regularly visit/chat) of differing ethnicity:
a) 0
b) 1-2
c) more than 3

If partial Native American ancestry counts, then 2. Of course, of my Invisible Internet Friends, I have no way of knowing. And you know? I kind of like that.

13) "Intelligent alien life has visited and is now visiting our planet," is:
a) true
b) false

If true, then they recoiled in horror and went back home. I don't know. I'm agnostic on extraterrestrial life


14) Your favorite ice cream flavor is:
a) chocolate
b) vanilla
c) other
d) You can't eat ice cream

New favorite: the honey-kissed vanilla Haagen Dasz. Or however it's spelled.

15) Popcorn-flavored jelly beans are:
a) yummy
b) gross

...probably my favorite flavor of jelly bean OF ALL TIME. So, yummy.

16) Camping out in the summertime sounds:
a) awesome! Where's the tent?
b) disgusting! Can't we just hike and then check in to a B&B?

B all the way. I don't camp. If it involves peeing in the woods, I have no interest at all

17) At a weekend dinner party with close friends, you typically consume ___ alcoholic drinks:
a) 0
b) 1-2 -- it doesn't take much for you to get your buzz on and then you're set
c) 3-4 -- you like to have fun but you chill out for awhile until you're ready to drive home
d) more than 4 -- you like to get your party on!

0. Alcohol gives me migraines. Which means I sometimes wind up as designated driver, but that's ok, as long as the guy sharing the front seat with me isn't a "handsy" drunk.

18) At a drive-through burger joint, you order:
a) a combo meal -- sandwich with fries and a drink
b) just a sandwich and a drink
c) an entree salad with a drink
d) a side item with a calorie-free beverage

usually a sandwich and a drink

19) Kissing your sweetheart is:
a) essential -- it's one of the best parts about being in a relationship
b) overrated -- you can take it or leave it
c) something you miss

No sweetheart here but I'd say it's pretty important.

20) You have been convicted of a capital crime (unjustly of course) and the guard has come to take your order for your last meal. You can have anything you want. What do you order?

I would be sobbing so hard I would be unable to eat, and food would have no interest for me. I honestly cannot see how convicted criminals manage to do the last-meal thing.

screaming meme-y

Some other folks are doing this, so I thought I would too:


1. If you could choose one career, regardless of your natural-born talents/station in life, what would it be?

I assume this means that when you chose the career, poof, you'd have the necessary talent bestowed upon you?

I would like to be an opera singer. Yes, really. It would be a chance at a mild form of celebrity - and best of all, a celebrity where your size is less of an issue than it is for the typical famous female. And you get to dress up.

The fact that I can't actually, you know, sing, is only one of the reasons that would keep me from trying it "for reals" - any kind of entertainer type job requires horrible hours that I would, in the real world, hate.

2. Do you have a tattoo? If so, what is it? If not, would you get one? What would you get?

No, and I won't get one, for two reasons:

1. Fear of needles.
2. I'm reaching the point in life where skin begins to sag, and I can see how hideous some tattoos will look once their owners reach 60 or so. (Mind blowing thought - all of those 20-something woman with "tramp stamps" hitting 70.)


3. Movie theater or DVD rental?

Rental. My last few theater experiences have convinced me that my fellow man no longer understands the concept of behaving in public in a way different than when you are sitting on your sofa at home.

4. What's your current pet peeve?

Litterbugs and vandals. Put them on the space ship destined for the Sun, please.

5. Fiction or non-fiction?

Both - I have a book of each going at the same time most times.

6. What's your typical breakfast?

Cereal or toast. This morning it was a glass of orange juice and a bowl of "Cinnamon Puffins."

7. Vegetable you hate?

Brussels sprouts and broccoli top the list. It would actually be quicker to list vegetables I LIKE.

8. If you could magically play a musical instrument as well as a professional, what would it be?

Piano all the way, because of the versatility - I could play Bach prologues for myself when alone, I could play for sing-alongs at parties, I could accompany people who sing or play other instruments. Also, there's a huge repertoire of music for piano, from the 1600s to last week.

9. Do you believe in luck?

Sort of, but sort of not. I tend to think that you get back in life what you put out to it - not in any kind of karmic sense, but in the sense that breaks tend to come if you're expecting them, and you tend to overlook the little opportunities if you're convinced, Eeyore-like, that nothing good ever happens to you.

I also would like to observe here that I have been very blessed in my life. Very blessed. I have gotten good things far beyond my desert of them.

10. Are you overly concerned about your physique?

I am an American female who is larger than a size 6. In other words, yes. Probably unhealthily so.

I also hate with a passion the news stories that come out and worry us about what we eat or drink. Did you know there are actually nutritionists who say you should never, ever drink fruit juice because of the calories?

11. Cat or dog?

I don't have either (never home and also have allergies) but in preference cat edges out dog.

12. Do you like manual labor?

Provided it's not 95 degrees out with a dewpoint in the 70s, yes, I do.

13. If you are female, do you wear makeup?

Yes. I am naturally pale and I also have come to regard it as part of my "psychological body armor."

14. (Male or female) Do you pluck or wax your eyebrows?

I do a little "shaping" but I'm not going for the Claudette Colbert look. They're fairly natural, just not Brooke Shields natural.

15. What's your ultimate vacation?

Going to an interesting city somewhere with lots of good museums, lots of interesting shopping, lots of nice restaurants, staying in a nice fancy hotel. Oh, and the city has to be one where you can walk around without being harassed. Not sure if such a place exists.

16. If you could retire to anyplace, regardless of money, where would you spend your twilight years?

No idea. Probably stay closest to the friends/family I have at that time. I don't quite understand the mentality of uprooting yourself totally when you hit 65 or 70 and moving halfway across the country - what if you don't LIKE the people you wind up living near?

17. Who do you envy?

First off, as Nightfly said, that should be "whom." Second off, I will once again quote Plato: We know not what burdens others carry.

The grass may LOOK greener but usually that means there's a broken sewer line or something under the surface.

I'm honestly pretty happy with my life so I have no need to envy others.

18. Do you wish you were filthy rich?

No, not really. While it would be nice to be able to snap my fingers and have someone do my laundry for me or go to the market to pick up the skim milk and eggs and spinach I need, I also think I'd lose something of myself in the process of not having to do those things.

19. Is your house clean and tidy or dirty and disorganized?

What point of the semester are we talking about? Early on, or a few days after exam week it's very nice and clean. But about midsemester - or when I'm actually writing exams - it gets to be a bit of a sty.

20. What do you miss about your twenties?

What do I miss? I know what I don't miss - a lot of the emotional crap, a lot of the worrying about what's going to happen to me, a lot of obsessing about my body size coupled with spending months writing down EVERY DAMN THING I ATE in a note book, a lot of the worrying about why Mr. Right hadn't shown up yet on his white charger and swept me off my feet and carried me away to a life where everything's perfect....

Okay - one thing. My metabolism was a wee bit faster when I was in my 20s. And I could eat fried chicken without getting an upset stomach afterwards. I kind of miss that.

Seriously, it's the "world peace" fantasies that do it...

How evil are you?

Saw this both at Maggie May's and Kate P's. So I had to do it.

I'm kind of surprised yet also not kind of surprised. If I thought pacifism was actually, you know, practical, in this fallen world I probably would be a pacifist.

And the fact that I chose "Habakkuk" over "Michael Palin" (my second choice) probably helped. (I had to go with Habakkuk; spent several weeks teaching about it in Sunday School).

Time wastin'!

Okay, I found this over at Tracey's and had to do it.

56 Superfluous Questions:

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?

There's a little round scar just below the thumb on the back of my left hand. It came after I got a skin reaction to a plant called poison parsnip. (Apparently, in sensitive people, when they get the sap on them and it's exposed to the sun, it makes big nasty water blisters, almost like a burn).

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? I have some photographs of my family, and a red glittery script "Dream" word, and an angel with a quotation from Judy Garland about it being better to be a first-rate "you" than a second-rate "someone else"


3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 6:25 am. And yes, I checked my birth certificate for that.

4. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? Actually, I cannot think of anything I personally want. If I may "bring the room down" by saying it? I want the people of Myanmar to have a government that does not suck.

5. WHAT DO YOU MISS? Having lots of interesting things within walking distance of me.

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? I still have one of my childhood toys. It's kind of embarrassing to talk about it but it is the one thing I'd think of grabbing if my house were on fire. Because of the memories associated with it and because I've had it for over 30 years.

7. HOW TALL ARE YOU? I tell people 5' 9" but I'm actually closer to 5' 7".

8. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DAY? No, unless a Civil Defense siren is going off and it's not a test.

9. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? Realistic or unrealistic? Realistic: that one of my parents will become seriously disabled and will have no quality of life. Unrealistic: that the government will be taken over and turned into something like something out of 1984 or Brave New World.

10. WHAT KIND OF HAIR COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Oh, probably brown, but I'm not all that picky. The only one I really DON'T like is that red-head color that comes with the white eyebrows and eyelashes because the pale eyelash-red hair combo creeps me out. (Now, if he DYED his eyelashes, I'd be ok. I mean, dyed them a normal color. If they were green or something that would be even worse.)

11. WHAT ABOUT EYE COLOR? I don't really care - slight preference for brown.

12. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Neither. You don't want to see me caffeinated. You wouldn't like me when I'm caffeinated.

13. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Ham and pineapple. (Yes, really.)

14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Actually, I'm not hungry right now so I can't think of anything that appeals to me.

15. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME? sage green.

16. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? You mean the cracker things, or the real goldfish? I've eaten the crackers but the thought of swallowing a whole live fish makes me feel slightly ill.

17. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED? The first memorable one was a big set of 36 colored pencils that my dad gave me for Christmas one year. I still have them though some of the colors have been replaced over the years.

18. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? Yes, I do. No, I'm not going to tell you his name. You don't know him, anyway. (No, he isn't anyone famous.)

19. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? Um...I really don't pay attention to brands.

20. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT? If it gets decent mileage and if it doesn't break down, I'm happy. When I was younger I loved the old British convertibles like MGs but I've since learned how lousy their repair records are.

21. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I honestly don't think I could. I can't fall in love with someone who's unavailable (in the sense of "he's married" or "he's already got a girlfriend"), either.

22. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? Yes.

23. YOUR WEAKNESSES? I'm going to assume this means like character flaws. I'm very self-critical, I tend to avoid doing things that make me uncomfortable, I don't like saying things that I'm afraid will make people angry even if they are things that need to be said.

24. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Not that I can think of.

25. FIRST JOB? Supervising high-school students in a summer enrichment class. They were all boys. One of them was my brother. Actually, I don't know if that counts as a "job" because I actually didn't get paid.

26. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Probably did when I was a pre-teen but I don't remember specifics now.

27. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE? No. I do not believe that everyone has a soul mate. Because if I did, that would imply I wasn't looking hard enough.

28. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT? Reading Tracey's blog.

29. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? Does wisdom-tooth extraction count?

30. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? My intelligence, responsibility, and leadership qualities.

31. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? Peace, love, and understanding. Failing that, a couple more bookshelves.

32. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? None. Other people are welcome to them.

33. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not that I know of.

34. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST TURN OFF WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? Guys who have to show the world how "important" they are by being rude to other people. Guys who in general seem to be "compensating" for something by having to have a flashy car or fancy clothes or something like that. You are you. You are not your stuff. If you don't think you're worthy of my attention without your stuff, you probably aren't.

35. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU MISS ABOUT GRADE SCHOOL? Art class. Getting to take an hour every couple of days and play with clay or paint or do something like that.

36. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? Clairol Herbal Essences, I switch between the one for long hair and the one for curly hair.

37. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No, it looks like an 11 year old boy's.

38. ANY BAD HABITS? I am kind of a slob.

39. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON? I try not to be but sometimes I am.

40. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes, I think I would. I have a good sense of humor and I am a nice person. I also tend to randomly bake cookies and give them to people.

41. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? Shudder. No.

42. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Lately, I've been cutting brush. (No, that is not a euphemism for something else. I literally am removing privet and trimming the limbs on my holly trees.)

43. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE? currently? Making Full Professor.

44. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Either my Snoopy doll or my Kermit the Frog doll.

45. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? Eight or ten, except two of them are of people who are moving away soon so I need to get rid of those...

46. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID? Please. I'm OLD. When I was a child, "Barney" meant Barney Rubble. And I thought Barney Rubble was a FREAK.

47. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? Mashed potatoes.

48. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? Yes, thank goodness.

49. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM? In my "office" room, yes. In my "bedroom," no. One of the nice things about being a grown up with a house is that there are at least several rooms and they are all technically "yours."

50. PLANS FOR TONIGHT? Watching some tv, doing some test-knitting on a pattern a friend wrote (she wants to be sure there are no errors in it)

51. WHAT’S THE FASTEST YOU’VE EVER GONE IN A CAR? 85. It was on a country road. In Montana.

52. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? "Ghost Whisperer" is on in the other room

53. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Big glass of water. I mowed the lawn today and I'm still thirsty from it.

54. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Currently more Republican than Democrat but neither party totally blows my skirt up at the moment.

55. DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A HIGH SELF ESTEEM? My self-esteem is pretty good; my self-confidence needs some work.

56. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Right now something called "Mass-Observation in World War II" which is about a group of British citizens who were hired to keep diaries of what their opinions were and what they experienced during the 1939-1945 time period (or at least those are the dates covered by the book; it may have gone on longer than that). It's pretty fascinating to see the wide range of opinions from the quite bloodthirsty ("Let the German civilians have a taste of what we've had" about bombings of non-military-base cities) to more reticent ("I don't see why we have to kill women and children, too.") Also interesting in that until about mid 1943, there was a lot of real concern that the war would be lost, and what life would be like if Germany dominated the Continent. Interestingly, not much complaining about blackouts or having to spend time in Anderson shelters or about rationing - they TALK about it but there's a sense of "this is what we must do now" and not really much bitterness.

so there you are.

Book meme

No one officially tagged me but I'm in my office trying to write an exam (which is NOT writing itself, I tell you), so I'm going to do this thing.

Which book do you irrationally cringe away from reading, despite seeing only positive reviews?

Pretty much any book that hints that lots of bad crap happens to the protagonists, and they basically wallow in the bad crap. Or that it's crap they brought on themselves. (One thing that frustrated me about a particular novel my book club read? The female lead started sleeping with her boyfriend's best friend and was all "Nothing bad can come of this, la la la."

Well, I've never even BEEN in a position where I had a boyfriend with a sleep-with-able best friend, but I know that nothing good can come of that situation. And the nothing good DID come of it, and the next 75 pages or so were the heroine wondering why her life was so mucked up.

I'm sorry, but any book that makes me want to go Dr. Laura on the characters of, I don't want to read.

Oh, and Danielle Steele. It's an irrational prejudice but I will not read Danielle Steele.


If you could bring three characters to life for a social event (afternoon tea, a night of clubbing, perhaps a world cruise), who would they be and what would the event be?

Okay, I'm going to assume I get to interact with them, and I get to set the thing in the time and place I want.

So I'm going to indulge my deep and abiding love of Golden Age Mystery here and say I'd bring to life Hercule Poirot (to talk about stuff with, and perhaps play chess with - did Poirot play chess?) and Albert Campion (even though that's not his real name, and even though he does put on that affable-idiot pose a lot of the time, I still have a bit of a schoolgirl crush on him. He'd be the one who'd get to take my arm when we all went in to dinner.) And Archie Goodwin. Because as much as I love Poirot and Campion, if someone was really going to try to HARM me, Archie'd be the one most likely to be able to kick their ass.

Oh, and the setting? Some kind of upper-middle-class Edwardian British thing. A tea-dance or something, or maybe a weekend in one of those immense country houses where the host and hostess invite all their friends and relatives.

I'd like to be able to swan about in high-society 30s-era clothing.

Yes, I just made that question all about me.

(Borrowing shamelessly from the Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde): you are told you can’t die until you read the most boring novel on the planet. While this immortality is great for awhile, eventually you realise it’s past time to die. Which book would you expect to get you a nice grave?

I know there are people who will be horrified at me for saying this, but: it would have to be something by Ayn Rand. Perhaps The Fountainhead. I tried reading it and my brain just started going Do. Not. Want.

Come on, we’ve all been there. Which book have you pretended, or at least hinted, that you’ve read, when in fact you’ve been nowhere near it?

Man, that's hard to think of one like that. I'm more likely to hint at familiarity with movies I've not actually seen.

As an addition to the last question, has there been a book that you really thought you had read, only to realise when you read a review about it/go to ‘reread’ it that you haven’t? Which book?

No, can't think of any, but in a similar vein, one of the things that annoys me? The fact that publishers, sometimes, when they re-issue books, will give them new titles. The re-issuers of Golden Age mystery novels are particularly bad for this. And I can't always remember from the catalog blurb which ones I've read and which ones I've not, so I have more than one copy of a couple of them.

You’re interviewing for the post of Official Book Advisor to some VIP (who’s not a big reader). What’s the first book you’d recommend and why? (if you feel like you’d have to know the person, go ahead of personalise the VIP)

This is kind of tough. Since the person's not a "big" reader, it would have to be a book that's fairly arresting and not "boring." (I am well known for selecting books other people find "boring.").

I might consider "The Strange Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime" which fascinated me because it was a peep at the way someone who thinks very differently from us (a boy with autism) has an inner monologue, it's fairly short, it's suspenseful in places (well, if you have enough empathy to feel for the main character), and you do feel a bit like you understand human nature better at the end. And it's not a book that "breaks bad" like some of the novels I referred to in the first question.

A good fairy comes and grants you one wish: you will have perfect reading comprehension in the foreign language of your choice. Which language do you go with?

Oh, man, that's tough.

I'd probably choose New Testament Greek so I could read the New Testament in the original.

Or maybe Japanese so I could read some of the poetry. I'm sure it comes through very differently in translation. (Bonus with knowing Japanese would be that I could read manga without having to refer to translations)

A mischievious fairy comes and says that you must choose one book that you will reread once a year for the rest of your life (you can read other books as well). Which book would you pick?

I'd probably pick something like C.S. Lewis' "The Great Divorce." It's not overly long, it's deep enough that multiple re-readings would reveal something new, and it's well enough written that I'd be less likely to get sick of it.

I know that the book blogging community, and its various challenges, have pushed my reading borders. What’s one bookish thing you ‘discovered’ from book blogging (maybe a new genre, or author, or new appreciation for cover art-anything)?

Hmmm...I've learned a bit more about "steampunk" (even the sheer fact that it's a genre) from reading around on blogs.

I've also purchased the occasional book because someone referred to it and wrote a review of it that made me think I'd like to read it.

Oh, and I bought a Philip Yancey book (which I haven't read yet, yipes) because Tracey talked about him.

That good fairy is back for one final visit. Now, she’s granting you your dream library! Describe it. Is everything leatherbound? Is it full of first edition hardcovers? Pristine trade paperbacks? Perhaps a few favourite authors have inscribed their works? Go ahead-let your imagination run free.

Oh my goodness. How much time do you have?

It would be a large room, perhaps octagonal. Two or three of the walls would boast leaded-glass, diamond-paned windows that look out over a large lawn that slopes down to a forest (and I would own all the land so no one could ever come and build condos on it). One window would probably face west so I could watch sunsets (I'm usually at work up until sunset). The room would be paneled in sort of a medium cherry or oak - not too dark but not that blonde wood that smacks of 1950s Danish Modern, either. All of the non-window walls would have bookcases on them. (One of the windows would have a small desk below it - not a "work" desk but a place to write letters or sit and read).

There'd be a deciduous tree outside the window so there'd be shade in the summer, but not too much of the view would be blocked.

There'd be a good carpet - either Aubusson or some kind of older Persian rug - in the middle of the wood floor, and arranged on that would be two good comfortable armchairs and a sofa. There'd be a coffee table and a small side table between the chairs, because one needs a place to put one's teacup while reading. The sofa would also have enough loose pillows to make a comfortable backrest for reading while stretched out. There'd also be an ottoman big enough to serve both armchairs if both were occupied.

The sofa would be a good glove leather but the armchairs would be a subtle brocade.

There'd be good light - the ceiling would be vaulted but not too high and would have down-lights in it, and there'd be good lamps near each reading spot (including one on the desk). It would be possible to make the room as bright or as dim as desired, especially to dim down the ceiling lights at night and just rely on the single pool of light from a reading lamp.

The books would be mostly hardbound, lots of vintage books, lots of books with illustrations in them (I tend to think adults are as deserving of illustrated books as children). There might be some paperbacks if that's the best way to compile sets - some of the old orange-bound Penguins, some of the sets of re-issues of detective novels all from the same publisher so they're identical. (I have a big thing about wanting all books that I own by a particular author to be as similar in binding and style as possible.) The shelves would go nearly to the ceiling and there'd be one of those rolling ladders to gain access to the books higher up.

The topics of the books would be anything and everything that interested me. I'd have a wall of mysteries, a wall of history books (focusing heavily on the ancient world, my current historical interest), a wall of classics with full sets of works by people like Dickens and Austen, a wall of books about quantum mechanics and math, etc., etc.

I'd also have a knitting basket next to my armchair - either for times when I didn't feel like reading, or for times when I want to knit on something simple AND read at the same time (I guess I'd also need a bookstand to hold up my book in that case).

And there'd be a good radio in there, with the ability to pick up quiet classical and jazz stations, maybe even more than one of each (this is an issue in my part of the world, where the music choices tend to be Top 40, Top 40 Country, and Top 40 "oldies" which are actually from the 70s and 80s.)

Just outside the door of the library, there'd be a sort of mini-kitchen with a set up for making tea, and perhaps a couple of canisters of good crackers or "biscuits". A filtered-water tap, a single burner for heating the kettle on, some canisters of tea, sugar, a small refrigerator for milk and lemons, a sink for washing-up, and a cabinet with mugs in it.

Thinking.....

So, Ken tagged me as a blog that makes him think. (Which kind of makes me laugh, given that the past few days have been mainly devoted to me whining about the bad customer service that exists in this town).

But the goal is to list five other blogs that make you think. I suppose one of the rules is to list blogs others have not listed, but I'm not about to troll all over the web seeing who-all has been linked before and who has not. So here are my five off-the-cuff choices:

1. Junk Food Science is one that I think's not been named before. I like this blog because the author - who is herself in the health field - takes all of the "OMG WTF BBQ!!!11!!" medical headlines and calmly explains what's going on. It's a good counter-measure to the hyperbolic medical headlines and generally poor science reporting you see in the media. (It also, I have to admit, makes me feel a bit better about myself - after hearing in the media "Any woman who weighs more than 135 pounds is too fat, and is going to die really really soon of heartdiseasediabetescancerstroke, oh, and she's not really a woman any more because she's TOO FAT" drumbeat, Sandy will have some story up about how it's really not that bad to be bigger than the stick-insect ideal, especially if you eat healthfully and exercise)

2. Mental Multivitamin. I do not always agree with everything she says (but then, that's perhaps a prerequisite of someone being a blogger who makes you think; otherwise, it's just heads bobbing like so many Taco Bell dog giveaways). But she's linked to some wonderful essays that I love. And she makes me feel like I really should be reading Shakespeare, or at the very least, renting the dvds.

3. I know it's totally been done before by EVERYONE, but I'm also going to list Sheila. Because she does make me think. And she makes me go back and replay my Dean Martin CDs. Or reminds me of a movie I saw some time back, or a book I read. And I love the "salon" that her comments often becomes. I'd point to her as counter-evidence to people who claim that the Internet is isolating and stultifying - the comments section of any given post can be anything from an ongoing discussion debating the merits of the subject at hand, to a series of reminiscences, to an increasingly over-the-top jokefest. (One of my favorite posts of hers ever involved that Christo installation called "Gates"...and she asked for people to write unhinged, po-mo deconstructionist style criticism of the installation...and the thing was, it WORKED. I mean, the final product was so GOOD that it read almost like one of those pretentious art reviews...but it was a joke.

And then when a friend of hers linked to it, someone who wasn't in on the joke read it, and thought it was genuine. And they got angry!)

4. Haven't "tuned in" in a while (I've been busy) but About Last Night is definitely a blog that makes me think, when I can take the time to read it. (I find it often goes a bit over my head; I'm not nearly as well-read, well-versed in music, or well-traveled as the authors)

5. Also haven't tuned in in a while to this one, but The Anchoress also makes me think. It's another blog where I'd observe I don't always agree with the author (and at times the author is operating on a higher plane than where my brain normally operates), but she does make me think. And the woman seems to be a right polymath, able to write intelligently on the saints, politics, opera, even global climate change. (I feel sometimes compelled, when I read a blog that is a "thinking blog" for me, to drop to the floor in a Wayne Campbell/Garth Algar pose and wail, "I'm not worthy!")


So, that's my five. I'm not tagging them, not requiring them to extend this further, as I said that I think everyone out there's already been tagged multiple times. I guess I kind of have to plead parochialism...I don't read that many esoteric blogs, I don't usually go searching for things specifically aimed at making me think. (Usually when I "surf," I'm looking to be entertained - and yeah, you can be entertained while you think, but there are some blogs that make you think but not laugh, and there are others that make you laugh but not really think.)

Perhaps that should be a NEW meme: "laughing blogs" - blogs or sites that make you laugh but really aren't very intellectual. I nominate the I Can Has Cheezburger site as the first one.

Oh, and incidentally....on the news this morning they gave the menu (WTF?) of what Bush and Brown are eating at Camp David. Today's lunch, they said, is cheeseburgers. Someone SO needs to doctor a photo of Bush and Brown to add the caption, "We can has cheezburgers?"

I mean - I'm far from a Bush hater, and I'd actually consider the comment more of a slap at the news-media's tendency to report inane details, but it's too good of a joke, IMHO, to go undone.

and another...

Spotted this at Caltechgirl. Maybe I'll be more distinctive here:

1. Situation ::
2. Theme song ::
3. Kelly ::
4. Club ::
5. Swerve ::
6. Couch ::
7. Bigfoot ::
8. Arbitrary ::
9. Inventor ::
10. Blazer ::

And my answers:

1. Situation :: Room
2. Theme song :: annoying. (Well, most ARE. With the exception of "Mission:Impossible" and a few other shows.)
3. Kelly :: green
4. Club :: sandwich
5. Swerve :: to miss a turtle (and yes, I do. Not like those OTHER people who swerve to hit them. Shame on you.)
6. Couch :: potato (Willing to bet everyone else does that one.)
7. Bigfoot :: skunk ape (what some folks around here actuall call 'em.)
8. Arbitrary :: designation
9. Inventor :: Thomas Edison (and surely everyone else will say that, so I'll add Elias Howe.)
10. Blazer :: tight. (When I was in prep school, we had these school blazers we were expected to wear on certain days. They were cut for teenaged boys. So if you were a girl, particularly a girl who had "developed" early and fast, as I did, they were uncomfortably confining. And yeah, we were expected to button them.)

'nother little meme

I've seen this lots of places - Ken's, and Cullen's, and elsewhere. I resisted reading their responses before I had a chance to do it, so my thought processes wouldn't be tainted (well, more than they already are.)

So here goes:

The questions:
1. Happen ::
2. Terribly ::
3. History ::
4. Master ::
5. Petrified ::
6. Moan ::
7. Attack ::
8. Picture ::
9. Students ::
10. Potter ::

My responses:

1. Happen ::stance (I see Cullen has that too, now, but it's the first thing I thought of).
2. Terribly ::horribly
3. History ::Channel (And Ken had that)
4. Master ::and Commander (Ken, again)
5. Petrified ::Forest (Cullen had that one, too. And Ken, now, I see)
6. Moan ::and piss (Yeah, that should be "pissing and moaning" but whatever)
7. Attack ::of the Killer Tomatoes (yet again Ken. Dammit, can't I do anything original?)
8. Picture ::Book
9. Students ::workbook (I guess I'm thinking about the labs they have to hand in.)
10. Potter ::clay (again, Cullen had that.)

Okay, let me try again, trying DELIBERATELY to be "out there."

1. Happen ::ed to meet an old lover on the street last night (no, not actually. I wish. It's from a Paul Simon song)

2. Terribly ::made

3. History ::in the making (which is a phrase I dislike when applied to an event. It's like some television special or movie that's dubbed "destined to become a classic." Um, no. Things become classics because they are well-made and they strike some kind of cultural chord at the time they come out, not because deep-voice announcer-guy says they will. And often, the destined-to-be-classics are horrible drek, like a Christmas special featuring the licensed character-of-the-week)

4. Master ::'s Thesis

5. Petrified ::what some women look like after too much Botox. I earned all the crow's feet and forehead wrinkles I have, so I'm keeping them, thanks.

6. Moan ::Bad ringtone. Did you know there's a ringtone out there that sounds like a woman in the throes of passion? Most disgusting thing ever, and I'd hate having a six-year-old with me asking, "Mummy, why is that lady's phone sounding like that?"

7. Attack ::dog (Probably not original but I'm not scrolling through all the blogs I read to see who else did it)

8. Picture ::if it paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you? (apologies to those who now have that song stuck in their heads for the rest of the day.)

9. Students ::double secret probation

10. Potter :: poor Fawn, she was killed in a kiln explosion.

(Incidentally, there's a (maybe unintentionally) hilarious study guide about that movie I referenced in my last two comments. Designed for ESL classes.

Considering that my sole experience with ESL learners comes from
a. trying to interview a very traditional woman from the Indian sub-continent for a linguistics calss

and

b. that one episode of "My Name is Earl" (one of my favorites, btw)

I can't quite imagine a classroom of people from diverse countries (and cultures!) being able to really discuss that epic of debauchery.

And another one....

Kate used the Serenity Prayer as the basis for her "prayer for my career."

And I got to thinking: a version of that would work well for me, too. So here goes:

God grant me the skills to inspire the students who do care
The strength of character not to take personally the boredom in the ones who don't
And the intelligence to understand that it's the ones who care that I'm teaching for, anyway.

Oh, and Joel did the Ten Commandments, so here's my version (not as elaborate as Joel's, but then, my background is more "plainspoken.")

1. I am ricki, thy professor. I hold the keys to your grade. Thou shalt not piss me off.

2. Thou shalt not make any graven image of a data graph using notebook paper when graph paper or computer program hast been specified.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy professor in vain, nor call her at home after 9 pm (even though thou hast been clever enough to find the phone number she dost not give out to students) nor refer to her as "hey you" nor mispronounce her name.

4. Remember the deadline, to keep it holy. [Yes, Joel and I have that in common]. Six days dost I give you to labor on your laboratory reports, if it not be done by the seventh, that is thine own sorry fault.

5. Honor thine other professors and teaching assistants; do not slander their names in ricki's hearing.

6. Thou shalt not unnecessarily kill leaves or insects or any thing that crawls upon the ground or flies in the air when we are on field trips. Nor shalt though damage trees by pulling the leaves off of them [Seriously: what is it with people and that? Out of a class of fifteen, I can usually count on having two or three who stand there and pick and shred the leaves of the shrub next to them if we happen to stop for a moment on a field trip. That kind of mindless destructiveness bothers me.]

7. Thou shalt not two-time research projects for my class. Thou shalt remain true to each of thine classes; if thou art doing research on turtles for Herpetology, thou must come up with something new for my class.

8. Thou shalt not walk off with clipboards, measuring tapes, staplers*, or other classroom equipment. Even though thy lab fees went (partially) to pay for it.

[*if I had been thinking the one time that happened, I could have kind of embarrassed the guy by doing my {pretty good} impression of Milton Waddams: "Sir? Sir? Excuse me? I believe you have my stapler."]

9. Thou shalt not attempt to blow smoke up my skirt when thou explainest why thou missed a deadline, failed to do a required part of lab, or otherwise failed to take responsibility for thine own deadline. Committing a falsehood in the service of saving thine own sorry ass merely compounds the error.

10. Thou shalt not covet my job, nor complain that I have "so much time off" that I canst not understand thy duress at having but a week to complete a lab write-up. Thou shalt not covet a larger truck, fancier cell-phone, or phatter wardrobe, lest thee begin working too many hours to pay for said thing, and thy grades slippest.


[as you probably have guessed, I LOVE doing this kind of thing. My favorite writing assignments in high school were when we were told to write a story or an essay "in the style of" some author we were reading - I remember doing a story in the style of the King James Bible, and one a la J.D. Salinger, and a parody of Oedipus....]

Oh, I am so totally

....doing this. This is quite brilliant,this meme of Dave E.'s.

So here's mine:

"The tenure is my joy; I shall not be downsized. It maketh me to stay in my office, it leadeth me to greater self-confidence. It resoreth my hope. It leadeth me to continue working hard for the Full Professorship's sake. Yea, though I walk through classrooms filled with those who don't give a damn, I shall fear no overly-entitled soul; for annoying enthusiasm and patience are with me; my silly-but-biologically-relevant stories and demonstrations made of styrofoam balls and pipe cleaners comfort me. I preparest my Powerpoint slides and discussion questions in the presence of the uncaring. Surely my reputation as "that woman who's willing to be a goof in class" and the my prodigious memory for facts shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of Access Excellence forever."



(N.B. Access Excellence is a teaching-demonstration website. Mostly aimed at lower grades but I've adapted a lot of stuff for my college students.)

'nother meme, plus random stuff

Joel tagged me again:

this is one of those "ten years in review thing." The main thing I realize from looking at it was how YOUNG I was ten years ago, even if I didn't think so at the time....

Pets:
1997: My parents' two Siamese cats (I was living with my parents at the time, to save money in grad school.)
2007: No pets - I'm never home and I somehow feel it would be unfair to a cat or dog to be cooped up alone all day, and I really have no interest in fish, snakes, lizards, or tarantulae as pets. I might get a cat SOMEDAY but I just don't feel ready for it now.

Largest Concern:
1997: Finishing my dissertation and managing to find a job.
2007: Doing a sufficiently good job at what I'm doing. And getting more journal articles published.

Biggest problem:
1997: Finishing my dissertation
2007: Dealing with snarky co-authors or journal editors. Longer-term big problem: what is happening with the youth of America?

What I do for fun:
1997: Read, sew, hang out with friends, shop
2007: Pretty much the same except neither my friends nor I seem to have as much time for hanging out.

My advice to the "youth of America"
1997: Work hard and treat other people with respect.
2007: The world doesn't owe you a living, especially one where you make $60K in the first year, ESPECIALLY if you spend all your time slacking. Oh, and treat other people with respect. And stop whining. And turn off the damned cell phone. And take those iPod earbuds out of your ears when someone's talking to you, ESPECIALLY someone who's your elder.

My politics:
1997: Oh, lord, I don't remember. Probably pretty much as it is now.
2007: More-or-less libertarian (small "l" kind) but don't agree with everything they push...mostly I want government to protect me from the "bad guys" (e.g., terrorists) but otherwise leave me alone.

That said: I've become particularly disenchanted with the whole "factionism" thing in politics. I have actually seen people who were friendly with each other prior to learning each other's political leanings stop talking to one another, just because of damn politics. I guess I tend to take the Bugs Bunny approach to the whole thing: don't take life so serious; you're not gettin' out of it alive.


Message to the President:
1997: I am disturbed by your behavior. Both personal and political. But especially personal. (I remember watching the pre-impeachment hearings in 1998, in a motel room, while waiting to go to my brother's wedding. Something about that struck me as ironic: my brother was marrying the woman of his dreams (and, I hope, my sister-in-law was marrying the man of her dreams - at least, I think that's how it was). They had both been "true" to each other the whole time (several years) that they dated (and they are still married, and still true to each other). And here I was watching a world leader who had mainly distinguished himself for being a horndog (or at least in my mind that was what he had mainly distinguished himself for). )
2007: You really need to be harder on illegal immigration. I know you have to compromise with Pelosi & company, but I'm not too happy with what's on the table right now.


****

And the random thing: Burger King has now turned one of my nightmares into a television commercial.

I have to explain: I don't have "typical" nightmares. When I do have bad dreams, they're not about my being chased, or being in a dark alley trying to open my car as people creep up on me, or alien invasions, or anything like that. More often, they're of the "something has gone terribly wrong and I can't quite pinpoint it" variety.

Well, Burger King now has this ad for some kind of, apparently, cowboy-style hamburger. The commercial consists of intercut spots showing that "King" character (which is in itself a minor nightmare) dancing with spots showing people eating the burger and growing a big handlebar mustache.

And they show it happening to women. (and even dogs, but that's not quite as unsettling to me).

And I remember a vivid bad dream I had where I woke up one morning, yes, with a mustache. And I don't mean a "dark-haired Greek lady after menopause" few stray hairs, I mean a full-blown, full mustache. And it took me a long time to figure out...something was wrong and I couldn't quite place it. Then, to my horror (and I had the realization in a "public" place in my dream), I realized:

1. women - at least normal women - are not capable of growing a full-blown mustache
2. and at any rate, not overnight.

I know, it sounds silly now, but it seriously creeped me out. I woke right after the "realization" and was so unsettled by it (maybe? I was questioning my own femininity?) that I had to get up for a little while before I felt like I could sleep again.

So, Burger King, no thanks for reminding me of that. Not that I ever eat at your restaurants but I'm especially not going to now.

(And I'm reminded of the comment one of my older relatives made to my brother, when trying to get him to eat the crusts of his bread - "It'll put hair on your chest!" And my response was: ewww, I don't want to eat the crusts any more; I don't want a hairy chest. {they later explained to me - in a real feat of backpedaling - that bread crusts only made BOYS' chests hairy; for girls, it gave them naturally curly hair. Uh-huh.})

Movies part II

I'm back. More commentary on the trip later (plus a rant on people who are rude to waiters)

But I'm gonna quick identify the movies that I posted the keywords for. Joel got a few of them.

1. is Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. One of my favorite movies ever. You would think, with a "caper" movie of its type, that once you knew the ultimate outcome, it would no longer be entertaining. But I still find it entertaining upon rewatching, partly, I think, because it's so beautifully plotted - there is such an unbelievable series of coincidences that have to mesh together for the action to happen, and yet they seem plausible, at least in the context of the movie.

Plus, I just like Michael Caine and his character in this one.

Plus, I can't help but laugh at Steve Martin doing "Ruprecht" (OKLA-homa! OKLA-homa! OKLA-homa!)

2. is Babe, also sometimes known as Babe, the Sheep Pig. Yes, it's a kid's movie. Yes, I tend to like kid's movies. I like Babe because it's kind of set in a never-never land - you can't quite tell if it's part of Britain, or Ireland, or Australia, or somewhere on the Southeast coast of the U.S. There's little intrusion of up-to-the-minute modern life (yes, there is a television and there are cars, but somehow they seem more DOMESTICATED than televisions and cars in some other movies).

I also have to say that I like it because what I see as the fundamental message is something I believe strongly in, and I wish were promoted more:

You can generally get farther in life more easily by being polite and respectful to those you are working with than you will by bullying them.

"That'll do, pig."

3. is A Night to Remember. (And I honestly don't remember the love story, unless you mean the young married couple, Joel). It's a pretty suspenseful movie, and seems to be pretty true to history - or at least what was known about the Titanic at the time it was made. I also like the fact - and I suppose this shows that I'm perhaps a bit of an anachronistic person - that a lot of the characters tended to behave with what would maybe be called "old-fashioned honor" - men allowing women with children to get into the lifeboats ahead of them, while they stand by and reassure the ladies that they will be "all right, really." And the bit with the string quintet (? don't remember the number of players but it's definitely not an orchestra) always kills me a little.

4. is the 1955 version of The Ladykillers. The Ealing Studios version, the one with Alec Guinness and a very young Peter Sellers. (There was a remake in 2004 with Tom Hanks but honestly it's not much good, at least not compared to the original). Part of the interest of the movie for me is the just-post-war (WWII) London setting, the fact that "Mrs. Lopsided" has this house that's partly damaged by bombs, just the whole "it's not here" feeling of the movie.

(I tend to prefer movies set in a time or place other than the one I inhabit. I do not care for movies that consist mainly of people far prettier than anyone I know going about lives that are somewhat like, but yet more glamorous than, the lives of people I know. And I loathe "meet cute" movies.)

The movie is VERY dark humor. (Suffice it to say, without spoiling things too much - there's one person "left standing" at the end, and it's not the one you might expect). But the interactions of the bumbling would-be armored-car robbers with their landlady is wonderfully comic...there's a tea party scene where you're alternately squirming with empathetic discomfort for the "boys" and laughing out loud at the incongruity.

5. (which a couple people guessed, incorrectly) is actually The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. Yes, it's a rather sappy love story and the ending is, if you overthink it, perhaps a bit gruesome. But I really rather enjoy Rex Harrison as the blustery Sea Captain and I like the clever way that Mrs. Muir gets out of her financial difficulties.

(Incidentally, there was a short-lived comedy tv show in the early-mid 70s by the same name. This is not it. This is a black and white romance movie from 1947).

6. is Trading Places, which Joel got. ("Breaking the fourth wall" is when a character addresses the audience directly - it is as if they are in a room, okay, and they are breaking through the fourth wall - the one that would ostensibly separate them from the audience? Actually that seems to happen more in Ferris Bueller, but whatever).

I like the movie because, again, like #1 above, it's a caper move. Again, there's a series of unlikely events that have to come together for the plot to come off. But they do, and it does, and it never fails to amuse me when I see it.

I also guess I sort of like it for the idea that the two a-hole uncles of Dan Ackroyd's character - the ones who made the $1 bet that involved screwing up their nephew's life and taking a stranger and injecting him into a strange and unfamiliar world - wound up getting their comeuppance in the end.

7. is Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I chose it partly because it's pretty much a movie of "my era" - it came out when I was in high school and I remember going to see it with a group of friends. It's also just goofy. (I like Wayne's World for similar reasons - it's just silly and goofy and doesn't really have a lot of deep meaning).

I always kinda preferred Cameron to Ferris, though; I thought Ferris was a bit too much of a show-off.

8. is Cats Don't Dance. A not-very-well-known cartoon film from - I think it was like 1997 or so? Maybe earlier. It's one of those animal-world-talking-animal movies - a cat decides to seek his fortune in Hollywood, he joins up with a troupe of other animal would-be actors. But they wind up hitting up against anti-animal prejudice in Hollywood. (And no, I didn't spend a lot of time trying to figure out what group the animals were supposed to be an allegory for, if they were one at all; I just enjoy the movie). Again, it's one where hard work, politeness and civility, are rewarded in the end, and characters who act like a-holes or who are out for revenge wind up getting their comeuppance. (There does seem to be a certain theme to movies that I like).

9. is It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. (Which I, in my geekiness, wrote out on the pad of paper when I was looking these things up, as "It's a Mad^4 World")

It's not the GREATEST movie, ever, in terms of plot - there are some pretty big holes there - but it's a great deal of fun to pick out the various actors in cameo roles, or to see actors (like Peter Falk) that I knew better from later roles.

And again - it's just a silly funny movie. I like movies that are silly and funny and don't really have a lot of deep meaning. I like to be entertained sometimes.

(I also like the various "race-around-the-world" movies that came out at roughly the same time - like "The Great Race" with Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis. Also very silly movies but also rather entertaining.)

10. is another one Joel got, "It's a Wonderful Life." This is one of the few movies that reliably makes me cry at the end of it. And it makes me wish I could crawl into the frame at the very end and go and live in Bedford Falls where there are people like George Bailey and Guiseppi Martini, who gave up his earnings from the restaurant to help George, and Bert the cop and Ernie the cabbie (which is supposedly where Jim Henson got the ideas for names of the characters on Sesame Street...)

movie update

Joel - dang, you're GOOD. All but #5 that you guessed, you got. I'm particularly surprised about #3 (and I don't remember a love story but it's been a while since I saw it).

(and no, "Ghost" would NOT be on my list of favorite movies. Ick. Nor would "Dirty Dancing." Patrick Swayze is actually a turn-off to me.)

And I'm going to add an 11, people will probably be able to guess this:

11. Buddhist / Greed / Parallel World / Bathhouse / Bathing

Yeah, I tend to like animated movies.

I also think I must have grabbed the "genre" keywords for #8, here are the actual movie keywords:

8. Animal / Hollywood / Spoof / Prejudice / Kids And Family

(That makes it easier and more obvious).

And, D'oh, I did the same for #9. So here's the revised #9:

9. Dangerous Driving / Chase / Road / Buried Treasure / Greed

(Again - that makes it far, far more obvious, I think)

Movie Meme

I'm glad Joel asked (nice subtle Jerry Lewis ref there, BTW), because otherwise, I got nothin'. (I leave town this afternoon for a short vacation and the past couple days have been entirely taken up by field sampling with my research student, cleaning my house [so the ants don't take over while I'm gone - it's that time of year], and packing/doing the hundred things you have to do to make sure your house isn't a "rob me" beacon while you're gone)

Anyway. The rules of this are simple: Pick out your ten favorite movies, then look them up at IMDb. In the overview at the top of each movie's page, there are "Plot Keywords," usually five of them. (Plus more, if you click the link.) Take the first five, and post them. Then the rest of us get to play movie buff and see if we can guess them.

A couple of my favorites will doubtless be on EVERYONE'S list, so I'm going to choose movies I really like, that might not be on other lists.

I'm not a huuuuuuge movie fan but I can probably come up with 10. So here goes:

1. Caper / Con Artist / Farce / Sailor / Remake

(Oooh, that one may be hard to guess - not what I would have chosen for keywords).

2. Lyrical / Humor / Gentle / Competition / Friendship

(hahahaha! That one doesn't even have the MAIN distinguishing feature of the movie in it!)

3. 1910s / Ocean Liner / Disaster / Historical / Sea

(This is probably not the one you'd immediately think of. Big hint: I HATE it when they graft sappy love stories onto things).

4. Criminal / Aftermath / Horse / Bumbling / Criminal Gang

(Horse?!?! That's like, two minutes of the whole movie!)

5. Male Female Relationship / Book / Afterlife / Affection / Star Crossed Lovers

(Okay, so this one IS kind of a sappy love story. But at least it's not grafted onto something else.)

6. Money / Satire / Homeless / Breaking The Fourth Wall / Scam

("Breaking the Fourth Wall"? Okay, so one character DOES mug at the camera, but I really can think of better keywords)

7. Synthesizer / Teen Movie / Convertible / High School Teacher / Singing In Shower

(This and #6 are probably the most widely-known movies on my list).

8. Family / Animation / Musical / Comedy

(Yeah, like that really narrows it down. And to the Mary Poppins-haters out there: no, it's not Mary Poppins.)

9. Action / Adventure / Comedy / Crime

(I reiterate my comment for #8).

10. Drama / Family / Fantasy / Romance

(Wow, IMDb people - can you get any less informative? This particular movie is very closely related with a particular time of the year...)


I'm not going to tag anyone (that's just how I roll, yo). I'll post the answers when I'm back (in about a week). I will be kind of amazed if anyone guesses them all, or even if they all get guessed correctly...I think maybe the IMDb-ites got a little lazy on some of those.

Three characters meme

This is to keep me from totally bugging out as I grade papers...

I've seen this lots of places - at Sheila, and Pale Page, and now Nightfly's. So I'm gonna do it. I must warn you, I mainly read mystery novels these days (all my poor overtaxed brain can take), so my choices won't be as literary and intellectual as some

Three characters (at least) you wish were real so you could meet them:

1. Albert Campion. Is he really that "ineffectual" looking? What's his real name, and why did he adopt "Campion" as his nom de guerre? Besides, he's a young-ish, single (at least in the novels I've read) male detective, and that interests me. (And if he really looked anything like Peter Davison, who portrayed him for the BBC, that would be a plus).

2. Nero Wolfe. I like to think he'd appreciate my intellect (and perhaps my legs as well; several times it's reported he positioned a young female witness who was talking to him so that he could see her legs). He is a "difficult" person - in fact, many women repulse him, because they are very utilitarian or they are of a somewhat hysterical bent. I like to think I'd be that rare woman who could keep up with him conversationally and intellectually. (And I don't use "contact" as a verb. And I know the difference between "infer" and "imply.")

3. Merriman Lyon, from the Dark is Rising sequence. He's fascinating - it's implied that he was actually Merlin, somehow kept alive and safe, all these years. He also seems like a very gentle person - with people who are fundamentally good and moral - but also very strong and tough when good people are threatened.

4. Mr. Toad from Wind in the Willows. Oh, I think he'd probably annoy me after a while, but I think it would be fun to meet him.

5. Claudius from I, Claudius. Yeah, it's an odd choice, I know. But ancient Rome fascinates me and also the idea that this guy was such an "outsider" (he stuttered, and apparently had something like epilepsy...). Yes, I know Emperor Claudius was a real person but I'm assuming the fictionalized version is fictional enough to count.


Three characters you'd like to be:

1. Precious Ramotswe, from the Ladies' Detective Agency series. She's wise, she's more than ordinarily perceptive. She also seems to have a good humor and a sort of a quiet way of accepting the things that happen in life. She does not seem to be a worrier and that appeals to me.

2. Elizabeth Bennett. Oh, hell, it would just be FUN. You know it would.

3. Lucy from the Narnia books. What an amazing thing...to walk through a wardrobe and be in a different world. And yet, one that plays by rules not unlike (and perhaps, in some respects, better) than our own. And I'd love to meet the various talking animals. And the description of Lucy and Susan watching Aslan's resurrection is one of the more touching scenes I've read in a book (as either a child or an adult).

4. While we're on the subject of childhood books: Sam from "My Side of the Mountain." I read that book obsessively as a child - I loved the back-to-the-land idea, the thought of being totally self-sufficient. And the thought of being ALONE, without having to deal with any other people. I realized (even as a child) that it was basically an impossible dream - the world I lived in was even then too dangerous for a girl to go out on her own and live in the woods. And besides - running off with just a flint and steel and a pocketknife? I'd miss my books too much. And comfortable bedding. And indoor plumbing.

Three characters who frightened you:

1. I'm going to be unoriginal here and list Cathy from East of Eden. But...she IS scary...as close to a soulless character I remember reading in literature.

2. The Dementors, from Harry Potter. Something that can suck away your soul....ugh. It makes me feel cold just thinking of them.

3. Gollum, from The Hobbit, and later, the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Gollum scared me when I read "The Hobbit" as a child; I think he is even scarier after you learn his origins. I think the whole "soul fallen from grace" (or perhaps rather more, "Soul that voluntarily gave up grace") thing tends to scare me..other characters who were unpleasant but made less of an impression fit this mold.

4. Michael Valentine Smith from Stranger in a Strange Land. Yes, he scared me - there was something MISSING there - something not-right, by earthly standards. And besides - someone who could vaporize you with just an odd thought? That's creepy. I know lots of people regard Stranger in a Strange Land as a real masterpiece but I frankly found it kind of cynical and depressing.