A piece of information I probably don't need in my brain...

I really hope that if I'm ever given one of those "truth serum-esque" anesthetics for anything, this fact isn't one of the ones that comes tumbling out of my mouth as I'm coming out of it:

I am as tall as a gray whale penis is long.

That's frankly the most disturbing thing I've learned in a long time.

(For the record, I was checking the old claim that "dork" derived from the word for "whale penis." I still haven't been able to get a definitive answer but I remember a high school teacher who would NOT let people call each other "dork" because of her belief in that "fact")

TGTiF

...thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.

It's been a brutal week, both out in the greater world and inside my own internal organs. (I'm feeling some better, thanks. Applesauce, plain yogurt, plain toast, and tea help. And thank goodness so far the P.M. symptoms seem to be isolated to "that week" and they seem to be solely physical with a slight, and easily recognizable by me, increase in ease with which I am irritated. No brain-fog yet, and I hope I don't get it. My mother never complained of same so maybe I'll be spared.)

I cleaned my office some this afternoon. (The mess that is my office is a running joke in the department. No one rides me too hard for it because (a) I can always be counted on to get everything done and (b) I never lose anything - well, for very long, anyway.)

I did this because my research student is coming tomorrow to get all the accumulated data and what journal articles I have on her topic, take them away, and hopefully write a stellar paper for me that will earn her an A.

I also gathered up some accumulated journals I had not taken time to look through - I don't read them cover-to-cover, at least not the heavy-duty ones (the more "current topics in ecology" type ones, I'm more inclined to - the articles are shorter and easier and often it's something I can incorporate into my teaching. And there are few things that bring me more joy than coming into a class and going, "You know that thing you learned about last week? Here's a study that looked at it and this is what they found.")

I'm going to spend a big chunk of the weekend, I think, reading and knitting.

This is one of the skills I've acquired in the past six years or so and it brings me great joy to have it. For one thing, having knitting to keep my hands occupied tends to keep my butt in the seat (and me reading) longer. Also, it seems to enhance my retention of information. (My brother, who has had classes in this sort of thing as part of his training to be a campus minister, claims it's a hallmark of "kinesthetic learning." I'm not totally convinced of those "different learning modes" but knitting while I read does seem to work for me).

And I enjoy reading, at least if the article isn't too dense or annoyingly written. (And yes, some scientists write in a way that annoys me. I can't quite pin it down but there seems to be an underlying humorless need to show everyone how smart they are). It's a way of tuning out from all the crap going on around me and training my mind on something else.

And, I don't know, I think it's good for my brain. You know how you feel really good when you eat some kind of nutritious meal? I feel that way after spending time reading stuff that challenges my mind and makes me think.

I have a journal article that is kind of in limbo - it's a big, ambitious, data-mining type project - that I really should pull out and work on again, seeing as the field season here is over.

TMI

I apologize in advance to the chaps for this.



I hate perimenopause.

At least, that's what I assume this is....my mom experienced the same thing at about this age (she was maybe a little bit later than I was, but then I've had some hormonal issues that could suggest I'm going to Change earlier than she did).

I feel like I'm going to puke. At first I thought that was because I ate bacon Tuesday night, and one of the ugly tricks my body has begun playing on me is an intolerance to fatty foods - or even just to foods I haven't eaten in a while (it had been about 6 months since I last had bacon).

But I think this is more than that, or at least deduced the same from a quick check of the calendar.

The one thing I remember about my mom going through this? We went to Disneyworld one Spring Break...and she couldn't ride any of the rides. She was sick to her stomach much of the time. At the time, I was worried - I thought she was really sick, like with something really bad - but she reassured me that it wasn't something for me to worry about (without giving me details).

And I'm not in the most stellar of moods. I can tell that because of yesterday afternoon, with the screaming child...I wanted to pull out my hair by the roots and stuff it in my ears, and I don't normally react that way. And when I drove by the little local quilt shop (because I needed a particular thing for my next project) and saw that the "Closed" sign was up even though it was technically their business hours, I immediately panicked and thought:

1. This stupid town. People can't even support a nice local business. They've closed up shop because people are so damn cheap about that kind of thing. And yet, people will spend hundreds of dollars a month on stupid text messaging and their stupid fancy coffees. I never get to have the nice things *I* like, yet there's a cell-phone store on every corner and there are four or five frou-frou coffee shops. In a town of 12,000.

and/or

2. Oh crap. Businesspeople are already doing a "John Galt." In a few months I'll have Wal-Mart to shop at and that will be it.

Normally I am not so paranoid. (After I got home - just a few blocks from the shop - a call to them ascertained that they were, in fact, open, the sign had probably just swung the wrong way in the wind.)

a question (teaching related)

Is it horrible of me to bail on "extra office hours" I added on (after cancelling a field lab because of bad weather) because someone has brought their LOUD SCREAMING TODDLER to a colleague's office and seems to want to persist in staying and chatting with the person as their child screams bloody murder?

My head hurts. I'm premenstrual. The air pressure is changing rapidly thanks to a cold front and I hurt all over. And the child is screaming and shrieking. I don't want to hear it. I already have my door all but closed and I can still hear it and it's majorly upsetting my equilibrium.

Yes, I understand the whole "I need adult conversation" bit with new moms, but honestly, I'm trying to write an exam review and prep for tomorrow. And it's making me hurt.

I know I'm a grinch for this, but I really hate it when a parent shows up all apologetic with a baby or toddler in tow and goes, "Sorry, the babysitter cancelled, is it OK for me to bring him to class?" No, it really ISN'T OK but I know I'll be branded a bitter, childless she-ogre if I say no.

I once had a student bring a child under the claim of "cancelled babysitter" and I later found out it was because the daycare wouldn't take him because he had pinkeye. Thank goodness I didn't catch it or else I would have been sorely tempted to fail her ass.

something completely different

Listening to one of Dvorak's piano quintets on the internet radio, I thought, "Dang, that sounds familiar, but from some other context."

So I turned the sound down, hummed the main motif for a few moments, waiting for the lyrics I knew existed to it to come.

Shazam. It's "Nature Boy". They lifted the tune for "Nature Boy" from a Dvorak piano quintet.

Oh, and the new Pumpernickel Pretzel Sticks from Target? Taste like ugh.

one wee little question...

Yeah, yeah. I promise. Last politically related thing because I'm about ready to puke about it myself. But here's a question for those of you more knowledgeable in such things than I: If the "New Fairness Doctrine" goes through, satellite radio will be exempt, no? I mean, Howard Stern can already say filthy foul things filthily on it, so they're exempt from the FCC?

So I may have a reason for a Sirius (or whatever; I don't know what the status of the XM/Sirus merger is) subscription after all.

just one last thing

And I swear it will be the end of politics on here for a long time.

To the bloggers on the left of the aisle, who are saying things like: "Thank God the American people aren't as stupid as I thought" or "My fellow Americans, I underestimated you!"

Thanks. Thanks a lot. Thanks for not admitting any possibility of principled disagreement. Thanks for assuming that people who opposed the D candidate are bad, evil, and stupid. Thanks for not being able to possibly believe that good and principled people might see the world differently than you do.

Something like 80% of the craft blogs are left of center. Thank goodness it's only a small few who are doing the gloat thing; I'd hate to have to give up reading most of the craft blogs.

I just hope the gloaty ones get it out of their system soon.

Random

I meant to sleep in this morning but I guess the time-change has affected me (my first class is at 9; my office hours start at 7:30).

****
The election outcome was, for me, like Schroedinger's Cat until I got up and turned on the tv. I didn't watch the coverage (except for one tiny peek at Fox mid-evening). I didn't want to. I have overloaded on talking heads.

****

I will admit to quoting Ralphie Parker when I turned the tv on and saw 349 to 149 or whatever they're quoting now. (Except I really DID say, "Ohhhhh fffffffffuuuuuuudddddgggeeee" and not that other thing.)

Ah well. At least it's not a 296-269 split, and at least we're not going to be subject to weeks of recounting. (And absent clear evidence of voter fraud and such, I'm not goin' down that path. I know some will, but I'm not.)

****

And another little contrarian opinion for today: in opposition to many of my colleagues on the right end of center, I actually hope Obama does a decent job. I hope the people claiming he's more centrist then we've been lead to believe are right. Because I love my country and I wouldn't wish a bad rotten president on her just to spite one party or the other.

And I do think the people of America are good enough and decent enough that if, say, Obama picks a really, really bad adviser, who suggests doing something that's really, really bad for the country, we will stand up and say "NO" and we will be listened to.

****

And I have to say: even though the new President is not the one who was my choice, one remarkable thing?

We have elected a man that most people, if asked, would qualify as "Black" (I'm not gonna split the mixed-race hair here) as president. To the highest office in the nation. And this, just 50 or so years after the Supreme Court intervened to forcibly desegregate schools.

I really don't think we're a racist nation, regardless of what some say. There may be racist individuals. It may be harder for someone from the economic underclass to achieve their dreams (but that's economic, not necessarily racial).

And yeah, I do hope he does a good job. I hope my worst fears are just that - fears, and unfounded. (And I'd rather have him than Pelosi as president.)

****

One little fear? That we're going to get a lot more nannying laws in these next four years.

****

I guess I should at least be happy I won't have to deal with exploding heads on the part of my colleagues today. Though I may come down with an acute case of Gloat Poisoning. Or Second-Hand Gloat. Or whatever you want to call it.

Damn, I'm just ready for people to shut up about this.

How many days until Christmas? Is it time to roll out the Rankin-Bass specials yet?

(I may not "go John Galt," but I'm very good at "going ostrich.")

vote your conscience...

So it comes down to today. Thank goodness, at least we will be shut of campaign ads (if not commentary) after today.

So, go out and vote. If you haven't made up your mind, make an effort to find some kind of unbiased source (or a couple of opposing, if biased, sources), read up, and choose the person that you think will do best for the country. (And not just for you. One of my concerns is that as a populace we're becoming more of a "gimme gimme gimme and screw the other guy" group, who want our leaders to be Santa Claus.)

I will express two little, possibly-contrarian (and I hate it when people are contrarian merely for the sake of stirring the pot) opinions:

1. If you really are poorly-informed, if you are voting based on who is better-looking, who is more charismatic, who seems more "exciting" to you - in other words, if you gave the issues zero consideration - DON'T FRICKING VOTE.

Seriously. I have enough experience with "charismatic" people who turned out to be jerks and charlatans - perhaps not in politics, but in my daily life. I know some people who are smiling glad handers, very slick and charming, but I've learned to count my fingers and check to be sure my wallet's still in my purse after shaking hands with them.

Likewise, if you're like the woman I heard calling in to a radio program who claimed she was going to go into a voting booth and flip a coin - DON'T FRICKING VOTE. Seriously. It is people like that women who lead some commentators to opine that perhaps the vote should be removed from women. Don't give my gender a bad name by being an idiot about voting.

If you are voting one way solely because your family, your co-workers, or your friends told you to - you should also probably not be voting. Learn to understand the issues. Stand on your own feet. Don't be a minion of people who may not have your, or the country's, best interests at heart. My experience is, among my friends and co-workers, at least 50% are more poorly-informed than I am on matters like this. It's like cheating off someone stupider than you on a test - it can only hurt you.

And 2. A commentator this morning observed that this was one of the most "emotional" campaigns of recent years. And that is what I think is so wrong with it. Emotion should not enter into it to the degree that it has. When people get ruled by their emotions, they tend to get stupid. Stupid enough to go along with something that's not right for the country. Perhaps even stupid enough to go along with something that is evil. (Remember the footage from Nazi Germany? Hitler was GREAT at playing on people's emotions)

Don't get me wrong - I don't believe either candidate is evil or wants to DO evil. But I worry that we are heading down a dangerous path by letting ourselves be ruled more by our hearts than our heads in a matter like this. Already you see what happens with some of the more unhinged supporters on either side: threatening to kill people, threatening to do things like "go John Galt" (a/k/a "cutting off your nose to spite your face" by resigning from an interesting, well-paid career out of fear that an Obama presidency will tax them into oblivion, and working some damn menial job).

And I think a lot of the current unpleasantness - the fact that I don't DARE talk politics around certain people - is due to the fact that people have become excessively personally emotionally invested in the process. (I think it's fine to be proud to be voting AS AN AMERICAN. Or to be excited that a candidate may bring change or improvement. But when people invest themselves personally so much in the outcome of a race - to the point where, as in every election, certain individuals are threatening to "move to Canada" if a particular candidate wins - it just doesn't lead to anything good).

I tend to be suspicious of an overage of emotion; perhaps that's a personal failing I have. I don't like being in the grips of strong emotion; it feels like being out of control. Perhaps I'm projecting onto other people but it does seem to me that some of the more emotionally-invested sorts seem to sometimes be a bit out of control.

Part of the problem is the news media benefits from whipping up emotion - in any way, shape, or form that they can. And I've learned for me, it's best to opt out of that - I don't like the fear or the anger or any of that.

I try to make a reasoned choice. I voted early; I voted my conscience. I voted for who I thought would do the best job based on what I had read from a variety of sources. This individual may be "your" candidate; he may not. I hope if he wins that he does a good job. I hope that at least a few of the things he plans to do come to pass. I (mainly) hope we're not worse off four years from now.

And I hope that this election can end in a classy way. I hope there aren't people screaming at each other tomorrow. I hope there aren't people going around making dark allusions to plots and complicity and fraud (though I suspect if a particular candidate wins, I will have colleagues doing just that).

And I hope we can somehow begin to work together again. To stop deciding whether someone gets to remain a friend or not based on how they choose to vote. To stop talking about what goes on in damn Washington when there's stuff that can be done right here in our own backyards - rather than sitting around and waiting for Santa President to shower goodness on us. For us to go out and pick up trash, or drive for Meals on Wheels, or tutor a kid - to do all the stuff that we've always done, that makes us good people as Americans, instead of sitting around talking about politics (which really, honestly, beyond voting, we do not control) and to deal with the stuff we DO have some control over.

funny how that works out...

I gave an exam in one of my classes today. I have three categories of people in this class:

1. People who are always there, who pay attention, who ask questions, who are respectful.

2. People who are there most of the time, but who like to chat with their friends and screw off a little in class, meaning I need to stop sometimes to glare at them to get them to shut up.

3. People who can't be bothered to come to class at all. (I don't require attendance, for reasons you will see in a moment...suffice it to say, things have a way of working out).

By and large, the grade breakdown was this:

Group 1 got almost all As and Bs. The top 7 or so grades were from this group.

Group 2, a few got Bs but most got Cs, and a few Ds.

Group 3? Ds and Fs. In fact, my biggest FAIL was someone I suspected of looking off another paper, but didn't have enough evidence to feel comfortable yanking it out of his hands and declaring him a cheater. (But, interesting...on several of the calculations, his parameters were based on those given on the ALTERNATE form of the test, that is, the one the people on either side of him had. Doing Forms A and B (and even C and D if necessary) are very much my friend.)

I'm not quite sure if it makes me a hostile vindictive wench to feel pleased that the people who put minimal effort in earned the worst grades, or if it makes me a Champion of Fairness to feel pleased that the people who put the most effort in earned the best grades.

If anyone needs me Tuesday night...

I will be drooling over watching Mike Rowe on his "Dirty Jobs: Dirty Presidents" marathon.

NOT the "prospective" returns (I honestly doubt we will know who our next president is by even very late Tuesday night, anyway).

Mike, God bless ya, you are saving me from having to watch election returns. I will have a much nicer blood pressure when I go to bed Tuesday night, and hopefully much happier dreams.

Early voting

My state is one that has "open" early voting (meaning, you do not have some kind of reason to vote early - it is not like absentee balloting).

I decided to vote early, because I figured the polling places would be tremendously busy on Tuesday.

If early voting is any indication, there's going to be record turnout here. I waited in line for just over an hour to vote early.

For early voting in my county, you go down to the county election board building. It is a low-slung, older building in a quiet residential neighborhood. The building looks almost as if it could have once been a doctor's or dentist's office; there are a number of small rooms off of the main hall.

There was already a line when I got there. It seemed kind of long but I figured, well, I have nothing else I need to do this afternoon - nowhere else I need to be. So I just waited.

One woman came out, waved the novel she was carrying, and said, "I got an hour of reading time in!" Some people in line kind of gasped (it didn't look that long outside the building).

So I reached into my bag and pulled out the sock I was knitting on. I had been to some off-campus meetings earlier in the day and it was one of those situations where I was dependent on someone else to drive, so I figured it was best to plan ahead in case there was downtime. (I also tend to take some kind of small, time-occupying thing to do anyway when I travel on the university vans; they are unreliable enough that I could envision being stuck for a goodly number of hours at the meetings while we waited on an alternator repair or something).

So anyway - I had my sock, I can knit just fine while standing (they're just simple, all-stockinette ones; I don't have any fancy cabled or lace ones going right now, which is just fine).

The line moved slowly. I glanced apprehensively at a few hornets circulating around (we're in Indian Summer here - it's been cold, now it's warm again, and that always brings the stinging insects).

One of the Election Board workers came out and handed those of us "new" people clipboards with forms that we needed to fill out and sign, certifying our addresses and that we had neither voted in an absentee ballot nor would we try to vote on Tuesday. I filled mine out, handed him the clipboard and pen back, tucked the form in my bag (pulling out my driver's license and sticking it in my pocket in case they needed I.D.), and started knitting again.

I'm sometimes a little apprehensive about what some knitters call KIP (knitting in public); I don't like drawing attention to myself. But I figured I'd wait much more happily with something to pass the time, and I tend not to be the talkative sort.

A few people commented that I was "smart" to bring something to do.

The line kept moving, slowly. Sample ballots were posted next to the door in but I just barely glanced at one; I had seen one earlier and taken the time to read up on the different candidates and issues so I knew how I wanted to vote.

I finally moved into the building. An older lady, who had hip or knee issues, was sitting on one of the chairs they had set up. She saw me knitting and watched for a few minutes, then commented to me in wonder that I could knit without even looking at it. (Yeah, I suppose that's a skill not everyone has. I've trained myself to do it because I sometimes knit while I proctor exams, and I also knit while I read sometimes.)

The line kept moving (there was a row of chairs so the lady could keep moving with her "spot" in the line.)

The building, though it was kind of warm to stand around it (it was an older building and I don't think it had central A/C), was kind of nice. They had it decorated for fall/Halloween with garlands of silk fall leaves and tiny orange lights.

One thing I have to say - NO ONE in the line complained. NO ONE got angry. No one tried to line-jump. No one seemed to care that it was taking a while to get in to vote. People chatted quietly - once in a while it would turn out a couple people near each other in line had some connection, either their families used to be neighbors, or one person taught at the school that another person had recently retired from. So there was a lot of the friendly sort of small-town small talk that happens. Talk about the weather, talk about the local high school football team, talk about jobs and traffic and new businesses in town. Reminiscences of how things used to be.

And I felt kind of happy standing there. It was almost a Norman Rockwell moment - all these people out to do their civic duty and exercise their right as citizens. And everyone was so pleasant. I don't often just get out into the community - the campus is, as I said, kind of a place apart and we tend to be a little hothouse (and sometimes that's not the best of things). So it made me happy to be there, it reminded me I'm a citizen of this town and I have things in common with the other citizens.

And the line kept slowly moving.

There were maps on the wall of my town and my county, showing it divided up different ways - into the different districts, into the different townships and ranges. I looked at each map and mentally located where my house is. That's a funny little quirk I have...almost a bit of a Rain Man behavior; I always like to look where my house would "be" on a map of the area. There is something I find comforting about it.

The line kept moving. And then we saw why it was a little slow - instead of using the voter-roll books like they usually use (where you sign next to your name), there was one person looking each voter up on a computer to verify them. So OK. That was the hangup.

But I was very close.

I finally got up to the woman (and, heh, the "computer" was one of those old, old IBM clones (I think it was even a Zenith, like one of the first computers I learned on) with that green-on-black screen). But she found me in the rolls, filled out the rest of the sheet, and the woman next to her tore off one of the big paper ballots (we use optically scanned ballots, which work really well), and handed me a marker and pointed me to one of the booths.

So yay, I voted. As I said, I had already checked out a sample ballot and done some reading so I knew who and what I wanted to vote for, so it didn't take me too long.

So I turned in my ballot and got my sticker.

And you know? It's still important to me. This is, I think, the sixth Presidential election I've voted in. I still feel like it's something important and special and grown-up to do, even if I'm not super super enthusiastic about the people I have as choices.

I remember as a child, my parents taking me with them to the library or the local school or where-ever it was that they voted (and of course, most years, I was IN school when they voted). But it seemed like one of the Mysteries of Grown-Up-Hood, being able to help choose the President or the Senator or whoever. And I still kind of remember that now. While there are some things about being a grown up that kind of suck (paying taxes, making your own dentist appointments and then going to them) there are also some thing that are frankly pretty cool. And I regard being able to vote as being in that class of Pretty Cool things. (And really, Pretty Cool is very much an understatement of how I feel about it...)

More teaching and a question

Thanks, guys. I probably need to keep a link to that post somewhere, and look it up periodically, just to remind myself.

I did have something weird happen today. It was lab, which means the dynamics of the class are kind of relaxed. But I had a student make a TOTALLY inappropriate (like, sexually inappropriate) joke right in front of me.

I mean, REALLY inappropriate. Not like blush a little and move on inappropriate (and though I am a prude in some ways I can also appreciate a good raunchy joke), it was more like Oh My Goodness My Jaw Is Hanging Open I canNOT Believe You Said That And Do You Kiss Your Girlfriend With That Mouth? inappropriate.

All I could do was kinda go "Uh...buh..." and change the subject.

I think he realized that he had crossed a serious line because one of the women over near him smacked him, and then he got bright red. But still - one of the more bizarre moments I've experienced.

****

And (how's THIS for a non sequitur), here's the question:

We are talking about doing another Youth Movie Night in a few weeks. Do any of you with teen and pre-teen kids (boys especially) have good but fairly clean (this IS church group after all) movies to recommend? PG rating would be ideal, PG-13 is ok provided the 13 isn't for too many sweary bits or too many nudie bits. (And the less taking-of-His-name-in-vain, the better).

I'm thinking one of the sports movies that's come out over the past few years...I suggested "Miracle" (the one about the 1980 Olympic hockey team) but I'm afraid that as this group is all too young by 15 or so years they might not get into it).

I've seen "Remember the Titans" and I remember liking it, but I was (a) exhausted and (b) trapped on a shuttle bus at the time, so I don't remember whether there was much in the way of "inappropriateness" in it.

Also it would be ideal if the movie was less than 2 hours long, so the Lord of the Rings epic, though it might be well-received, is probably out for this particular movie fest.

I showed National Treasure a few years ago and the kids seemed to enjoy it but I've seen the sequel and wasn't that impressed. And Apollo 13 didn't go over as well as I'd hoped (and it also had more, um, questionable bits in it... I know the kids SEE worse on a regular basis on TV but I do like to keep some standards considering it's Youth Group.)

There are a lot of cartoons or kid-movies I like, but as these are teen boys, it's not "cool" for them to like such movies...even if they really, deep-down, do. Which is why I was thinking some kind of good sports-movie might work, especially if it has some subtle or not-so-subtle message like "don't be mean to the Black guys just because they're Black" or "Sometimes you can succeed at things that people tell you you won't succeed at if you work really hard" or even just "Teamwork is cool"

THIS is why I do it.

I needed to be reminded of something like this, especially after my crummy summer class.

A student in my class - the one where I have them do an independent research project - asked to be let into the lab today so she could put some of the plant matter she's collecting in the drying oven, so she can then get the biomass and (later) the calorie content of the forage (by burning it in a calorimeter).

As I was showing her were all the stuff she needed was, she said, "I'm so excited to be doing this! This is so neat. I've never had the opportunity to do anything like this before; I've always had to do labs where we kind of knew what the result was going to be even before we started and where we knew that hundreds of people had done the exact same thing in prior years."

Yup, that's it. That's why I require the independent research project. To give people like her the opportunity to do this thing - and hopefully enjoy it and learn from it.

I'm not doing it for the people who might cheat on their results.
I'm not doing it for the people who phone it in and then are jerks to me when they didn't get the grade they thought they should get.

I'm doing it for the people who give a damn.

Now, if I can just remember that all the time...

Why I have...

....my internet radio turned up to "11," even though it hinders my working?

One of my hallmates is listening to, what sounds to me like, ads from MoveOn on his computer.

Can we please just get this election over with? I want to barf.

Ironing

This is another one of those "little slice of my life" posts.

I was ironing off some quilt fabric today. And I realized why I enjoy it - for one thing, ironing "simple" stuff (where there aren't collars or buttons you have to worry about) is easy and, on a cool day, kind of pleasant. Meditative.

I also realized that it reminds me a bit of ironing my dad's handkerchiefs when I was a kid. This is how a lot of girls first "learned" to iron - maybe that's not done any more, I don't know. I've read references to having little girls iron handkerchiefs in books from the 30s through the 50s and I wonder sometimes if this is just another way that I was sort of a generation to a generation-and-a-half behind some of my friends - a lot of the things I was into, a lot of the things I learned to do, seemed to be stuff that my friends and their families seemed to regard as obsolete. (Of course, it also might have been a function of being an academic family in a town full of, mostly, executives and small-business owners, and of having parents who, if they hadn't exactly KNOWN poverty growing up, had certainly heard it rattling the doorknob.)

I also had friends who, when they expressed a desire to learn to sew or crochet or something, their moms were like, "Why do you want to do THAT?" as if they were wasting their time, or setting the women's movement back 30 years (and that's not just my imagination; I've read other people who have said that some of the more feministy moms in the 70s didn't want their daughters to learn to cook or sew, thinking that somehow made them more "independent." Well, I can cook - and cook darn well, if I say so myself - and I can say I'm "independent." I'm certainly "independent" of having to depend on carry-out or frozen dinners...)

But I do think my being a little out-of-step with my generation cohort may be a function of the fact that the three generations of my mom's family (me, her, and her mother) span back over 100 years - my grandmother was born in 1897, "during the Spanish-American War" as she used to say. She grew up on a farm and married to get off the farm - her husband was an accountant in the lumber camps and from what my mom's said, there was never a whole lot of money, but they made do.

My mom was a late-in-life baby. She was born in...well, heck, she doesn't read this and I don't think she'd be offended if I reveal it, but she was born in 1936.

Yup, my mom is the same age as "too old to run" McCain. (Which is why I give a pretty hostile stare to anyone who makes old jokes about McCain. Say what you will about the man's policies, or temper, or whatever - but don't dismiss him solely because he's the age he is. My mom could run the country (though I know she would never WANT to) without her age being a factor (and she could probably do a damn sight better at running it than some folks who have tried for the office, and possibly a damn sight better than some folks who've actually HELD the office).)

And I was a late-in-life baby (well, not by today's standards, for sure. My mom once remarked, I think, that she was irritated by one of the doctors branding her a "geriatric mother" because she was over 30 when she had her first baby).

So sometimes I think the reason I'm less technologically plugged-in than some of my peers, the reason I like swing music and doo-wop more than most of what passed for Top 40 when I was a teen* may be because of my family background. (I also adore classical music - and am enough of an aficionado to want to say "classical sensu lato there - because my parents always had Mozart or Beethoven records playing in the house, and I used to listen to "Adventures in Good Music" with my dad).

(*though that might just be because I have better taste. [joking, not dissing anyone who likes mid-80s pop...])

Anyway. Back to the quilting. One thing I'm wanting to do this fall is go through some of my fabric "stash." (and wow, do I have a LOT of fabric. I've been buying it for nearly 20 years - I've been a "for reals" quilter since 1990 or so, and even as an impoverished grad student would by a half yard now and then just because I liked it and it made me happy). And I want to organize a lot of the fabric I have into groups based on fabrics I want to use together.

I have lots and lots of different color combinations. One of the reasons I enjoy quilting is the opportunity to play with color and pattern. It's my artistic outlet. I have a colleague who writes short stories and poetry (I think he's even had a few published) and who is working on a novel...I've told him the quilts are like my poems; I just need to express myself some way that is non-verbal.

I have fabric from a lot of different "lines." For people who aren't quilters - there are a number of different fabric companies out there (Moda is one of my personal favorites). They have different "lines" that are made by designers - for example, Mary Engelbreit will design a "line" based on her illustrations - they will all go together, will all have similar colors and be of a similar style.

The good thing about using fabric from the same "line" is you know it will all work together well. The not-so-good thing, in some cases, is that it's very "matchy" (it can make a quilt look almost too "commercially made") and sometimes the fabric colors don't contrast well. So I usually use fabric from a couple different "lines" in a quilt, it makes it more interesting to me. And sometimes I will find two fabrics I bought at different times and realize they look really good together, and that I want to use them together - which is part of the purpose of the sorting and stacking this weekend; I want to line up some projects where the fabric's all washed and ironed and ready and I can just start cutting when I figure out what pattern I want to use.

So I've been ironing off fabric and stacking it up. The part that made me think of ironing my dad's handkerchiefs is ironing the fat quarters. (For non-quilters: fabric comes by the yard. You can buy any increment; a yard would be 36" long by [typically] 40 to 44 inches wide. A half-yard then would be 18" by 42", a quarter-yard would be 9" by 42". Except quarter yards cut that way are long and skinny and hard to work with and they tangle up when you pre-wash them before sewing with them and they're just generally not as fun as fat quarters. A fat quarter is half of a half-yard - that is, 18" by 20" to 22". There are dozens of patterns and a good number of books out there with patterns specifically designed for fat quarters. Most quilt shops have stacks and stacks of them - so you can buy fabric without having to wait to have it cut, if you just want little pieces for a scrap quilt or a fat quarter quilt).

So a fat quarter is not that different in size from the big handkerchiefs my dad used to carry (and still does, in fact). I used to iron them and fold them when I was a kid and was "helping" (under my mom's watchful eye and with the iron not set TOO high). I fold the fat quarters the same way today, which is what made me think of it.

Yeah, my dad carried handkerchiefs. The big plain white kind, some kind of fine fabric (lawn, I think) with a rolled hem and those little stripes that were worked in a heavier thread. (If you've seen the type I'm talking about, you know what I mean). He always had one. When I was a kid, if I had a sneezing fit or a crying jag, he'd quietly pull out the handkerchief and hand it to me. If I found a neat rock and I wanted to take it home, he'd wrap it up in his handkerchief for me. A few times as a young teenager, when I had little money for birthday or Christmas presents and couldn't think what to get him, I got him new handkerchiefs, and he used them, and I felt good about it, because I had picked a gift he actually could use.

So I smile as I iron and fold my fat quarters and think about that. And I'm grateful that I was a kid with a "good dad." And a "good mom," for that matter. (And I'm also grateful that I still have both my dad and mom.)

a thought...

When campaigns end and the campaign ads go away, they are replaced by Christmas ads for The Clapper and Chia Pets and such. There isn't any similar "replacement" for CNN and FOX and all of the "local" news outlets.

What are folks in the news media gonna spend their time on when the campaign is over?

(Oh, I'm sure they'll find something/make something up).

Seems to be working

I am happy to report that my verbal announcement that my office is a "politics free zone" and that I don't even want to DISCUSS politics this fall seems to be working.

My most politically-motivated colleague, who has been sending all kinds of campaign crap to other folks in the department, hasn't sent me any. I've had no one coming in and electioneering (Well, I suspect since I'm very NON vocal about my politics, they assume they know who I am voting for and it is the same person they are voting for. They would be wrong, but they don't need to know that).

So I can work in peace. I can write my exam reviews without someone popping in to share the latest Palin joke. I can grade papers without having to be the audience for someone's froth about how "stupid" Republicans are. (Interesting...if that person made that claim about ANY OTHER GROUP he'd see how offensive and prejudicial it is).

I don't feel like fighting any battles over politics. One reason is that, quite frankly, I have a promotion to think about in another year or so and I don't want to do anything that might jeopardize it. (Oh, I know: people probably wouldn't vote based on purely political reasons. But they might find excuses to judge me more harshly). The other thing is, I can tie myself into knots over politics and it won't change what happens. I can vote but I have one vote - ONE - and that's all the power I have.

While I may not go all Serenity Prayer and "accept" the things I can't change, I do realize that I can keep from letting the things I can't change destroy my equilibrium. I'm a lot happier right now than I was a few weeks ago when the whole meltdown/bailout/mortgage mess was first happening. Because, largely, I realized that THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT. I can be a bit more careful with my money, I can decide not to have anything extra invested right now (though then again, this might be a time to buy if you plan on holding). But realistically, the Dow closing down a few hundred points doesn't mean there's no supper on my table at night, or that I have to shiver in a cold dark house.

I'm doing OK.

And I will probably continue to do OK regardless of what happens in what, 12 days? I mean, barring some kind of really awful conspiracy-theorist Oliver-Stone-movie-grade event, which I totally don't expect to happen, things will be OK.

So I'm trying to avoid not just the frothers on the Left, but the frothers on the Right - the ones who are saying that an Obama presidency will mean bye-bye Bill of Rights. (Seriously. They can't do that.) Or it will mean that my bank account will be confiscated in the name of 'spreading the wealth.' Sure, my taxes might go up, but heck...I've been there before. I can manage. I may have to cut back on my charitable giving or not buy so many books, but I'll manage.

As I said yesterday - I have a job to do. My immediate work is more important and more, well, immediate than anything going on in Washington.

So I'm avoiding letting myself get dragged into a vortex of gloom or worry or anger or snideness by those who are already there.

Timelessness

I was walking across campus this morning - I had to take something to one of the offices across campus from my building.

(I kind of welcome that, the opportunity to get out of my office and walk a little bit.)

It was a nice fall day, a little overcast. A lot of leaves have come down already, though more because we've had such a long dry spell than because it's gotten very cold yet.

The mockingbirds were singing a little - not as much as they do during their breeding season, but I could still hear them calling a little. And I could hear the jays squawking as they foraged for acorns under the big oak trees.

I could also hear the marching band practicing off in the distance.

And I felt a sense of peace and timelessness. I could close my eyes (so I didn't see the cars and the way other people were dressed) and I could imagine myself in 1958 or 1978 or some time in the past.

And you know, that's partly why I like college campuses. There's a feeling of continuity about a lot of them. A feeling of almost being a little insulated from what's going on in the outside world.

I suppose a lot of the comfort I have on campuses is that I've been on them for so long. My dad was a prof when I was a kid, I used to go to campus with him sometimes to either go do schoolwork in the library or to hang out in his office. Walking across campus with him...somehow it felt right, it felt like a college was where I belonged. All of the things related to it - the football games on crisp fall Saturdays, hearing the marching band, the mysterious practices of the Greek system (I am more jaded about that last, now, but when I was a kid it seemed much more funny and innocent). The bookstore. All of the students and faculty walking across campus, it all seemed so PURPOSEFUL, so much like here were all these people who knew what they were doing and why.

(Cue Brahms' "Academic Festival Overture." Heh. That piece of music always reminds me of my romantic childhood imaginings of what college life was like. It's actually considerably less romantic and sometimes not as amusing. But at its best it's still pretty good.)

Campus always felt like a place apart - on the campus where my dad taught, the crime rate was lower than the surrounding city. There seemed to be a sense of respect of it as a place of learning. And it seemed like a safe place to me - somewhere where a lot of the ugliness of the outside world didn't intrude.

Probably the fact that I was a bookish kid was a big part of that - I loved learning, I loved libraries, and I loved the idea that there was a whole institution devoted to learning. And that one day I'd get a chance to go there and spend time at one.

So to me, colleges do have kind of a timeless, insulated feel - like a lot of stuff in the outside world is sort of "checked at the door." And while I may complain about how clueless some students can be about current events - you know, not being so very plugged into the news can actually be kind of a GOOD thing, where you focus more on what you're learning and less on what's buffeting you from the outside world.

Oh, don't get me wrong - there are a lot of politically active students. There are competing Obama and McCain signs around campus. The outside world does impinge on campus life.

But there are a lot of times when you can imagine it doesn't. And I love those times. I love the feeling of being a little world apart. It's a feeling not unlike what I feel in church - where there is a bigger and more important truth, and what's going on in the outside world is a mere distraction.

Because really - to come back to campus - no matter who resides in the White House come January, there are still things that will need to be done. My students will still need to learn to calculate a t test. Or they will still need to know how to make up a life table from cohort data. Or they will need to know how to test the texture of soil. There is work to be done; there are students to be prepared for their eventual jobs. And really, by and large, no matter what goes on in the world, those things remain constant.

And there is a sort of peace and comfort in that. In knowing that I have a role to play - that I have things to do despite what is happening "out there" around me. That I can make my own little corner of the world better by striving to teach well and to be compassionate (but appropriately compassionate; tough-love when it's needed) to the students.

Once in a while I have a student come back, either from grad school or from more advanced coursework and thank me for the preparation I gave them. That makes me feel like what I'm doing is worth it, like I'm doing the right thing. (I once had a young man - he wound up having to take one of my classes twice because he just struggled the first time - he worked really hard but just couldn't make better than a D that first time - come back after he got a job and tell a class full of my students, "Now you listen to her! She can teach you what you need to know to succeed!" Ha. It still makes me smile to think of it - this big rough-tough Backwoods Boy telling the students to listen to me.)

So I walked across campus and listened to the marching band and the birds and the wind in the trees and felt peaceful and blessed that I have such a good job, a job where (on the best days) I do something that makes someone else's life better. Because I really have all I want - enough money to survive, a little free time now and then to do what I want to do, and the feeling that I'm doing something to leave this place a little bit better than it was before I got here.

For Ken...

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