sad news

This morning, I got a call on the church's prayer chain. One of the men - someone I considered a friend and somewhat of a mentor - had been airlifted to one of the large hospitals in the nearest large city. He was having internal bleeding and they couldn't find the source or stop it.

Of course, you're supposed to pray for "God's will be done" but I have to admit I had a few prayers for his recovery - and no other options - in there.

Well, just as I was getting my shoes on and gathering up my stuff to go over to my office to print out some stuff I need to start teaching Monday, a good friend of mine from church called.

Mr. W. just passed away.

She had called his wife's cell phone to see if there was any news, got their son, he started crying, and said, "We just lost Dad."

I haven't cried yet; I'm still trying to process the fact that Mr. W. won't be in church tomorrow. There will definitely be a hole there.

He was retired military and was also one of those people who seemed to know everybody and who was related to whom. He had a prodigious memory and used to tell lots of stories about the way the town used to be (he grew up here; he was my dad's age - early 70s.)

(I think the fact that he was the same age as my dad is also kind of getting to me.)

He was in a lot of ways, sort of the living-history repository for the church. We should have written down more of the stuff he remembered.

He was also one of the people who pushed for me to be made an Elder; as I think I've said before, when I was chosen, I figured it was because the people who asked me saw something in me that I don't always see in myself. Mr. W. was that kind of person - he was really good at seeing the best qualities of a person and encouraging those qualities to come out.

He was also the head of the Elders. I suspect that I'm going to be asked to fill that role now; of the people in the Elders group, I have a longer tenure than some (boy, that sounds weird to say, at 38) and of the ones with longer tenure than I have, they either have health problems or are caretakers for spouses with health problems and that can keep them away from the meetings.

I don't WANT to be head of the Elders but I will do it if asked.

I was thinking about how Mr. W. died suddenly - and earlier this year, when Mr. F. passed, his death was longer and more drawn out - he was in the hospital for weeks and then in a long term care facility for a while.

I think a sudden death is probably easier on the person it happens to (well, that's just my guess - I figure Mr. W. is probably going "What? Heaven? Already?" right now. Followed shortly by the realization that he can hear without his hearing aids...). But it's a lot more difficult for those left behind to deal with. There are all kinds of ends (emotional and more quotidian) that need to be tied up - as I said, I've not really cried yet (I probably will when I get to church tomorrow and find he's not sitting in his usual place), I'm still kind of in shock. With Mr. F., there was time to say goodbye and to prepare oneself emotionally.

I guess the one thing I can say is that Mr. W. didn't have a long period of drawn-out suffering, where he had to go through lots of painful and humiliating medical procedures. He just went, fast. I know it's hard on his family, but I suspect it was easier on him.

He's definitely going to leave a hole...his stories, the fact that he was very opinionated (and yet, somehow, it was never a nasty or unpleasant kind of opinionatedness). Even his squealy, never-could-get-them-adjusted-right hearing aids.

It's funny how something that annoys you becomes something you realize you'll miss.

I pray for his family, and also for our church - he was a really big part of it.

Of course, no funeral plans have been made. I suppose that as a veteran he may be buried in one of the veteran's cemeteries. If there's a memorial service or funeral at church, I'm going - I hope it's at a time when I don't have to cancel class, but if it comes down to that, I'll ask one of my colleagues (I think I have someone in mind who can do it for me) to take it, because I think I need to be there.