use your words...

(my mother always used to say that to my brother when he was about to whale on something because he was angry).

And I'm angry. So I'm gonna.

Some fornicating egg-sucking blowhole has somehow grabbed my campus e-mail address and has been using it to send motherlodeing "buy my watches" spam to people...have put it in as a "spoofed" address.

So my work time this morning was interrupted by my having to clear all the blinkin' stinking' rassle-frassen "We knew this was spam so we're bouncing it back to you!!!" messages from people I have NEVER EVEN EVER-LOVIN' MET IN MY LIFE.

So it's not a virus that has ahold of my address book (I also repeated the virus-scan I normally do earlier in the week, with new parameters, just to be sure it wasn't some fracking virus written by a small-gonaded individual of questionably legitimate birth)

So, I'm at a loss for what to do. The campus computer help center is closed for the weekend, and unless they could track down the #$()&*$#$)(#*#$)@(#$@$)(*#@ who stole my e-mail address from somewhere (I'm wondering if maybe one of the mail-lists I'm on got Hoovered), there's not a lot to be done.

I feel really really beyond horrible about this, and I'm fearful that someone that I maybe know...or worse, someone I might submit a journal article to...is getting whacked with this argle-bargle spam.

Seriously, I think people caught doing this should be hung by their thumbs (or other convenient appendages) and be made available for their victims to pelt them with rotten vegetables. Then, once they're good and covered with slimy zucchini goo, they should be cut down and made to wear a sandwich board with the words "I am a no-good sheep's-rear-kissing spam-lover" while they walk long, long stretches of the highway picking up litter. And they should also get to watch while their computers and servers (if they even OWN servers instead of parasitizing others') are hauled out into the desert and blown up by the guys from Mythbusters. And they're forced to watch several replays of Adam Savage giggling like a madman as he pulls the trigger. (And Adam and Company would be given free rein on how they choose to effect the destruction: simple explosives, or by salami rocket, or by hot-water-heater pressure bomb...)

And then, the spammers would be stripped naked, coated in honey, and made to sit on an anthill for a few hours to think about what they've done...

Okay, I feel better now.