You want cranky? I'll give you cranky.

It is 84.2 degrees in my office right now. There is no air flow because apparently they have at least turned the heat off, but have not yet turned on the ventilation.

I am bordering on having a migraine. I think I need to go pound some Excedrin Migraine before my 3-5 pm lab.

(And if anyone bitches this week about my not having set it up ahead of time so they could do it early and get their precious special-snowflake butt home extra early, I don't want to hear it).

I also spent the better part of the afternoon ranking the scores for a scholarship test. This is a deal where high school students get a day to skip school with the school's sanction come to campus to take standardized tests in their main subject area to compete for glory for their school and possible scholarships for them.

If you guessed "That cannot turn out well," you guessed right. Easily 90% of the students don't take it seriously - either they get to campus and never show for the tests, or they make a mockery of the test (and, more importantly, the time of the faculty member or TA who has been pulled off of other duties to proctor the test) by filling in "ABCD ABCD ABCD" all down the test.

(An aside: One thing I did learn? You really, truly, do get an average of 20% from guessing on a 5-choice multiple choice test. I mean, it stands to reason, but in a sad way, it was kind of neat to see it borne out by real data).

Anyway. For the small percentage who DID take it seriously - and for those who at least stayed long enough to fill out the bubbles - we have to rank their scores. You know, for the glory of their schools.

Well, the problem is, the kids go into four "divisions" based on school size. NOT ON ATHLETIC DIVISION. I made a big point of that. I also made a big point that they should check the lists on the doors to find their school and go into the appropriate room.

This is where, had I more energy, I would make a long rant about following directions and how seemingly, the younger generation is seemingly incapable of the same. But I don't have that kind of energy so you'll have to imagine the rant.

Because no fewer than five people - from three different divisions - messed up the division code. Which meant - because on Thursday I was frantically pressed for time, seeing as I had a dentist appointment 20 minutes after I finished my little "obligation" with the test, and my dentist is 10 minutes across town (especially in the noon to 1:15 pm time slot, when everyone's either frantically running out to Bubba's Burgers or is frantically running back to work). So I didn't stop to verify every name with the division code on the list.

Also, because I am one of those fools who assumes that because I can follow directions, everyone can.

So today I merrily sat down and started ranking. And started filling in the ranks on the spreadsheet I have to submit.

"Wow, that's weird," I thought, "Like half of the Division 1 kids are missing."

I chalked it up to the Division 1 kids being the ones from the really, really small district, so the little town I'm in - with its burger joint and its Sonic and its multiple gas-station-convenience-stores may look to them like the shopping district in downtown Chicago would look to me, and they ankled it before the test.

But then I started on group 2. And realized there were several kids who weren't on the list. And when I checked the master list - they were SUPPOSED to be division 1 but they put down division 2. Just because, you know?

So I cursed, and re-ranked the Division 1 kids with the new additions.

Same again with Division 3, only this time it had a domino effect on both 2 and 1.

I re-ranked some of those scores 3 times.

Remember: my office is over 84* right now. And I'm bordering on a migraine. And my friendly ecology students are knocking down the door because a lab's due today, and they still have questions.

Interestingly, the kids from the biggest schools - division 4 - didn't screw anything up. (They also had the highest average on the exam, although the best score was something like a 54%).

At the very end? There was one guy who wasn't on the master list AT ALL.

My inclination was to leave him out, but the guy in charge said, "No, he's division 2, just add him in."

Crap. So I re-rank Division 2's scores again to reflect this kid's score.

I will say if any of the "top" (such as they are) scorers had put down the wrong division, I think that should have been automatic grounds for disqualification from any scholarships.

This whole thing was a giant pain in the patoot. I had to cancel class, I had to run around like a chicken with its head cut off, I had to deal with some rather sullen rude teenagers, I had to tax my tired, achy brain with both ranking AND alphabetizing today (oh, and some of the kids, the ones with lastnames that sound like firstnames? They wrote their names BACKWARDS - that is, Cody Joe wrote down Joe Cody, making me have to search for them on the list).

AND there's absolutely no thanks or glory in doing what I just did.

I'm going to have to find some willing sucker to pawn it off onto for next year.

If not? I might just refuse. I really don't think it served any purpose doing that - almost no one took it seriously, the test scores were a joke (54% as the TOP score. I wouldn't curve to that if I had a class that did that poorly; I'd verbally prepare for them a new bodily orifice and then tell them, through gritted teeth: "Next week. This time next week you will be taking a make-up exam. Do better on it."). It required a number of classes to be cancelled. And it was just one of those miserable, burnout-inducing things (high level of brain-drain, high level of timewastage, and high level of thanklessness) that faculty get roped into.


****

Later: I happened to see the guy whose purview this thing usually falls under (he's on sabbatical this year which is why I got stuck with it). I remarked on the low score, and he said, "Wow, that's actually pretty good!" and remarked that the test was made "excessively hard" and that no one ever bothered to rewrite it (and I can see why not, considering the level of value the kids place on it).

I remarked to him, "Well, yeah, it was kind of an unrewarding experience" and he agreed with me, and said, "This is J's big thing." (J. being a faculty member in another department who runs this whole schtick. I guess J. gets the credit for doing it because he's the big boss, and all the rest of us just kind of have to suck it up and "take one for the team.")

I feel a little better about it now, mainly because it's OVER. And because the lab I taught this afternoon went well - it's one of the "fun" labs I do and the students always enjoy it. (And it's not a "cookbook" type lab so I never know what people will find; there's that element of "I wonder what will happen today" to look forward to).