Frustrated

I don't quite know what to do. I feel as if the Youth program - at least the one I do, for the older kids - is getting nowhere.

There's one guy in the group - he doesn't come regularly, but when he's there, he's decided that it's his "thing" to be cute-rude, to compete with me for the other kids' attention.

Last time, I had to stop the lesson because he was making those under-the-armpit fart sounds and making the younger kids giggle.

I feel like no one is learning anything - that it's all a big joke to them, that it's a chance to get out of the house, get a dinner that's (usually) more fun/more junky than what their parents serve, and socialize.

I had to get after a group of the younger kids last night because during the activity time, they claimed they were going in to play the piano in the Fellowship Hall (two of them are taking piano lessons) but then ducked out and went somewhere else. This is not the first time they've run off; last summer, while there was a "diversion" (one of the little bitty kids fell down and got hurt), they decided to take off for the Dairy Queen several blocks away.

OK. So they don't respect me. I don't know what to do with them. There's only so far I can "lower the boom" as I'm not their mom. I don't want to just throw up my hands and say, "That's it - we are not having junior high and high school youth groups any more because the kids are too rude and disruptive."

But I really don't know what to do.

I think part of it is frustration over the fact that a couple of the kids - the ones I really felt I was "reaching," the ones I felt were showing some improvement - well, their parents divorced (and it was UGly), and they moved away with their mom and her new man.

And the kids I have left - a small group - are a group of brothers who feel like they "own" the church because their family's been in it so long, the rude-cute guy, the girlfriends (Well, not romantic girlfriends, I don't think...I think they're just girls he likes to hang out with) of one of the boys, and then once in a while a few other kids who are kind of quiet and non-responsive (except when Rude Boy is making his jokes).

And I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. I have people tell me, "Oh yeah, I'll be there tonight to help you" and they never show. Or I announce some volunteer work where the church needs help and none of the kids ever show.

And I'm starting to feel taken for granted. Like a part of the furniture. Like what I'm doing really doesn't matter any more, the kids are going to go on their own path regardless of anything I do.

The biggest frustration is the activity time. It used to be we'd rotate activities - kickball, or volleyball, or other games. And everyone would take part. But now, it's like everyone or every pair of people wants to go off and do their own thing - there are two kids tossing a football back and forth, and a small group playing dodgeball (with a soccer ball, which made me cringe. Luckily no one got a shattered ulna), and another group wanting to roam the neighborhood.

And I've explained until I'm blue in the face that THAT IS NOT THE POINT. The point of being part of a group is to - nominally at least - do things as a group. Not to go, Ew, I don't want to play kickball this week and run off, leaving too few people to make effective teams. Or to break loose in the middle of a game and start playing your own game.

But I don't know what to do. I was telling my co-leader last night that if they could find someone that the kids would respect more - maybe someone closer to their age and not as square as I am, I'd happily relinquish the leadership of the group.

But I'm afraid that there's no one currently in the congregation like that. (And even if there were - well, we have a sizable chunk of people who don't do much around church. Leaving a core of people to do all of it and to get kind of burnt out, which is happening to me right now).

The thing is, the little kids program is going really well - they usually have 3 times the kids we do. And everyone LOVES the little kids - they're cute, they're funny, if they run around in the fellowship hall or throw balls indoors it's no big deal - but the older kids...well, if one of them gets into a game with a little kid and throws a ball indoors, if one of them runs a little bit - the adults are coming down on ME for not "controlling" the kids better. (What would you have me do? Most of them are taller than me and at least one of them outweighs me).

I literally do not know how to make them listen to me. I've tried being kind. I've tried explaining why things are not done, or why it's a good idea to behave a certain way. I've tried yelling at them. Nothing works.

I think part of it is the isolation in our culture - when we're hanging out before the lesson, unless I yell at them to put them away, each kid is off on his or her own cellphone/PDA/whatever textmessaging or wirelessly going online or something like that. There's just not a lot of interaction, or at least not interaction with the rest of the group. And I feel like, if the group doesn't want to BE a group, what's the point - why not just disband and, I don't know, have "weekly verse e-mail" or something like that.

I don't know. I really wonder about the upcoming generation. It seems like they often CAN'T work together, CAN'T play together without some kind of electronic device between them and the other person. Or that doing things away from the cell phone is "lame."

The problem is, I can't ban the cell phones out right - a couple of the kids are in situations where their parents might need to be able to reach them fast (one has a not-well set of grandparents). So I can't quite do the "Put the cell phones in a box until the end of the evening" thing.

So I'm just kind of tired and sad. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job. I'm actually tempted next week to bring some kind of a small prize (or heck, even hold up a $5 bill) and say, "The first person who can tell me ONE of the Bible verses we studied last week gets this."

The problem is, they'd probably come to expect that and I tend to be morally opposed to bribing people for things like that.

I really wish there was someone else who could take this over; I feel like I've run out of ideas. But whenever I approach someone with that concern, they're all "Oh, you're doing such a good job." No, it does not feel that way to me. And I suspect you're just saying that to try to keep me from quitting.

I wish I felt like there was ONE person in that group who cared about what I had to say, but recently I haven't felt that at all; it's been like talking to a wall.