Been a few weeks since I did this.
I've been receiving lots of spam that has, as the format of the subject line, something like:
[article or preposition] [verb] [pronoun] [noun]
Which can lead to some interesting combinations:
"Of pour whom salami" Mmmmm, the Salami-tini! The next "hot" drink! The favored beverage of skanky starlets everywhere!
"It recluse whom confirmation" I could make up a whole story about this, like featuring a hermit who, as it turns out, is the only Notary Public in town, and so people have to climb the big rugged mountain outside town every time they need something notarized. I can picture businessmen in their suits and ties getting all red-faced and out of breath, and businesswomen trying to struggle up the mountain in high heels.
I also got one that says, "Of because dingus" Dingus! I had forgotten that word! What a perfect insult to use. Dingus, dingus, dingus. It's more polite than dumbsh*t or dumb*ass, and it's obscure enough that it will attract attention.
I also received "RE: not Chevy" which tells me perhaps my next car should be something other than a GMC product.
Hey! That's a whole new thing: spam-divination. Look to the spam and it will guide ye. Spamstrology! We could come up with a whole new series of signs, based on spam categories:
The Hot Stock Tip instead of Aquarius
The Refinance your home now! instead of Pisces
The Cheap Legal Meds! instead of Aries
The Wow Your (sic) Fat Lose Weight Now instead of Taurus
The Barely Legal Girlzzzz! instead of Gemini
The Your Penis is too Small instead of Cancer
The Free IPOD instead of Taurus
and on, and on....
I wonder sometimes what society will be like thousands of years hence (that is, if we don't get all blowed up by the North Koreans or the Iranians or somebody). How will the silly stuff - like astrology - that we do now change?
Friday, April 13, 2007
der Friday Spam!
Labels:
silliness,
stupid spam
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4 comments:
You are too much fun.
For the adults, salami-tinis; for the college students, salami-kazes. :)
I'm a Libra, so let me pick my new sign: Greetings from Nigeria!
I thought a dingus was a black sculputre of a falcon.
And a salami-tini sounds kind of good right now.
I always preferred the insult "dorkus malorkus" for sounding vaguely Latin. Hm, how about "dingus malingus"? (Sounds like a Transformer. Back to the drawing board.)
But I love the whom. Sing along with me.
Well, I have a friend named Rufus Xavier Sasarparilla
And Rufus found a kangaroo that followed Rufus home, and now that kangaroo belongs to Rufus Xavier Sasarparilla
I could say all that - but I don't have to
Because I have pronouns, I can say
HE found a kangaroo that followed HIM home, and now IT is HIS
HE HIM and HIS are pronouns replacing the noun
Rufus Xavier Sasarparilla
A very proper noun
And IT is a pronoun replacing the noun
Kangaroo!
(How common)
Rufus has a sister named Rafaella Gabriella Sasarparilla
And if she found a kangaroo, I'd say to you
SHE found a kangaroo that followed HER home, and now IT is HERS -
But I can't say that!
'Cause she found an aardvark that fell in love with her
Now they're so happy....
Now, my name is Albert Andreas Armadillo
(No relation to the Sasarparillas!)
And I've often wished that they would find a rhinoceros for me
And we'd be happy!
You see, a pronoun was made to take the place of a noun
'Cause saying all those nouns over and over can really wear you down
Now I could say that Rafaella Gabriella and Rufus Xavier Sasarparilla and Albert Andreas Armadillo found an aardvark, a kangaroo, and a rhinoceros; and that aardvark, that kangaroo and that rhinoceros belong (respectively) to Rafaella Gabriella Sasarparilla and Rufus Xavier Sasaparilla and Albert Andreas Armadillo...
Whew!
But thanks to pronouns, I can say in this way
WE found THEM and THEY found US and now THEY are OURS and we're so happy (thank you pronouns!)
You see, a pronoun was made to take the place of a noun
'Cause saying all those nouns over and over can really wear you down
[Key change!]
Now sometimes we take our friends on the bus
And people really raise a fuss
They start shouting an awful lot of pronouns at us - like
"WHO brought that rhinoceros on this bus?" and
"WHAT made that horrible noise?" and
"WHICH one is gettin' off first?"
WHO, WHAT, and WHICH are special pronouns that can ask a question,
In a case where you do not know the name of the noun -
But I know!
I have him and she has hers
And he has his (do you have yours?)
They have us and we have them
What's ours is theirs, that's how it is with friends
And pronouns, you are really our friends, yeah!
'Cause saying all those nouns over and over can really wear you down.
Ironically - that song does not, in fact, have a whom in it. But it's fun, even if it takes nine times longer to type than sing.
ROFL! I downloaded a mess of (pirated) Schoolhouse Rock cartoons for my 3-year-old. I'm hoping it will make a subconscious impression on him and enhance his later education - or at least distract him from playing Tarzan on what's left of the drapes.
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