On rather than off

I didn't participate in the FFOT over at Emily's yesterday.

I had wanted to - I got to work with a whole load of things I wanted to say, especially about the people who think it's clever or funny or will get them notoriety to claim they're going to do a copy-cat attack of what happened at VT Monday.

But I didn't. I was busy instead. And as the day wore on, I kind of lost my steam for ranting.

First of all, a couple guys came in to see me. They were working for the city and were studying a plot of land; one of the things they wanted to know was if there were any plants there that would suggest it should be set aside as unique habitat, or if it was okay for the city to use it for its original purpose. So they had a number of plants they had collected and wanted me to help identify. They sort-of knew many of them, but needed me to get the species for sure. So that took a while between my classes in the morning.

They thanked me for the advice (Even offered to pay me, which I don't think I'm allowed to do - I was doing it on university time and really it was public service. And I didn't want to be paid any way). They said they'd credit my help in the report they wrote, which is enough for me.

Then, after my second class of the day (Friday is my lightest day), one of my students showed up to work on research. (This is a different student from the guy the other day). This student is a young woman, an undergraduate, who wanted to get more research experience after taking my research oriented class. It just so happened I had a project where I needed someone's help. So she's working with me.

The goal today was to go to one of the field sites (the one that was flooded before) and meet with the site manager to both plan out where we were going to sample and also to get all the necessary permissions in place.

I hadn't known the student all that well before yesterday; she's one of those shy people who's not really talkative in class. But being stuck in a car on the way to somewhere with a person for a couple hours is a good way to get to talking with them.

I knew she was a good student before; now I've also confirmed that she's funny and kind and principled. She also is beginning to come up with a plan of what she wants to do. (I think she's a junior, but she may have a year and a half or two years left)

One thing that's a little sad: I don't think my campus is that good at career counseling, at least if you're not planning on being a schoolteacher or a businessperson or a doctor. She didn't know anything about how to go about finding a graduate program. She was unfamiliar with the whole world of scientific societies and journals, other than what little journal work she did in my class.

So we talked. And I provided about an hour of career counseling as we drove. And I told her the site manager might have some summer volunteer positions.

And it was nice, seeing her kind of unfold, seeing her take all this information and write a bunch of it down, and say, "Oh, I need to do that" or "I should look into that."

The site manager also helped. She's a former student of mine - one of the people who graduated and got a career and is thriving at that career. (She's kind of both the education director and the site manager for this particular park).

She told my student she had lots of volunteer opportunites, told her some other places to look into applying, and generally encouraged her.

And I think it was good. (Oh, we found the sites too, but I think that's actually kind of secondary at this point). The student commented that she "needed" to take out a couple journal subscriptions (when we told her about the student discounts).

She also remarked to me at one point: "After high school, most of my friends just got married and started having babies. That's fine if that's what you want, but I want something different." I get the feeling she may have been feeling a bit unmoored, like "My friends are all settled and I don't know what to do with my life." But I think she was somewhat reassured - and had a plan of how to start finding out what she wants to do - by the end of the day.

And you know, thinking about it yesterday evening after I got home: that was BETTER than being able to vent on FFOT. If it's not pretentious to say it, the best way I could have figuratively stuck my thumb in the eye of the talking head pundits who are blaming guns or American society or the campus police or whomever, the best way I could have spat in the direction of those who would send death threats to campus as a way of either getting out of class or getting themselves some notoriety, of flipping the bird to people who are trying to profit off the tragedy is to just do what I do, to keep on keepin' on, and to do something that's constructive and that helps someone.

And at the same time, it sticks a thumb in the eye and spits in the direction of the fears and the unsettledness I had over the past week - that "what if it happened here," the "what will be the changes brought upon our campus by this?"

I have to admit I don't UNDERSTAND the people who break the law (by issuing false threats) to get a little "fame." What do you have to show at the end of it - if you're caught - other than a fine or jail term and a bunch of people who are angry with you? Better to work for good, even in obscurity (as I think I do) and make yourself look at what you did at the end of the day and say: well, I had fun. And I think I helped someone. And that's good enough.