perspective

A lot of things are a matter of perspective.

I am one of the Sunday school teachers (for the adult class) at my church. Because of a couple of deaths, it's basically down to one other woman and me as teachers for the class - we alternate weeks.

Well, this is the first week of the new quarter. And the quarterly books we use haven't come in. (This is not the first time this has happened). Or so I assume; no one's told me one way or another since I last asked on Wednesday.

I had asked the church secretary to call me to let me know one way or another. She never called. (Which I kind of grumbled about a little, I will admit).

I went to the publisher's website (as I said, this has happened before, so I kind of knew what to do). They have the Scripture citation up. (But not the lesson; so I have to kind of "fly blind" and do the best I can with my own interpretation and what I can find to read on it).

The scripture this week: Genesis 1:1-25.

Okay, I have to remind you of something here. I am a natural scientist. I am more inclined than not to accept the straight, basic, evolutionary model for how life came to be. I do not necessarily see that as being in conflict with being a person of faith. I tend to look at the science as giving an explanation for "how" and faith as more giving an explanation of "why" or an explanation of "now you're here, so what is to be done with the life you have?"

The problem is - we do kind of have a diversity of beliefs in the class, from people like me, who are willing to kind of shrug and go either "Maybe God used evolution as a tool" or "well, maybe evolution explains how the physical part of us got here, and Creation is really talking about our souls" or something like that. But there are others who take a more literalistic perspective.

And I have to admit, the whole thing makes me deeply uncomfortable. I don't like arguing creationism vs. evolution, because it seems that (a) no one's mind is ever changed and (b) it's a way to get a lot of hurt feelings or a lot of people who will then go "wow, they're really not a Christian after all" or "wow, for someone in the sciences, that person's really an idiot, because they believe in God."

And you know? After this week I don't feel like I want anything else that might ding what I feel is my already-shaky credibility in the church.

At one point I actually shook my fist at the website that gave the Scripture topic. "Okay, God," I said, "Do You WANT everyone to hate me? Do You want me to be the source of bad dissention in the church? I'm not going to just smile and pretend I don't accept evolution, because I'm not going to lie." And I felt really bad about it - kind of put-upon, like OF COURSE it would be the one passage out of the Bible (with, possibly, the exception of that odd bit of Paul's about women not being allowed to teach) that is the most difficult and most uncomfortable for me.

But I sat down and started writing on the lesson, figuring there was nothing to be done - the thought of perhaps whipping up a quick migraine tomorrow morning (and being too ill to go to church) also would be lying.

I wrote the lesson. I consulted what books I had and a lot of online commentary (including some Jewish commentary on the Torah). I kind of glossed over the whole "creation of life" thing (well, actually, my section ends - thank God - before Adam and Eve make the scene). I talked about the big bang and how it was actually first articulated by a priest (if my online source isn't lying to me). And about how a lot of people who seem to be at the limits of our understanding - the real theoretical physicists and such - are more prone to accept the existence of God.

(There was an article - by turns interesting and discouraging - in this month's American Scientist - about beliefs of scientists. And I'm reminded again of just how "weird" I am among my peers - a life-scientist who believes in God, and even follows a fairly "conventional" faith-path. So - I'm "weird" to the hardcore literalist Christians, and "weird" to the hardcore reductionist scientists. I'd fit in just great on the Island of Misfit Toys.)

And I kept going. I cited Madeline L'Engle and her ideas about "cosmos" vs. "chaos" (and yeah, some of the more hardcore Christians don't believe SHE'S a Christian, but whatever). And I put together what I think is a decent lesson even though I had no "official" guidance.

And I learned a little bit.

And I hope it will generate some discussion but won't wind up with someone looking at me, shaking their head, and going, "You're wrong!" on some of my interpretations.

But I do think I've overcome my own objections, and my own feeling of put-upon-ness. And heck - perhaps I made a more challenging lesson than what was in the book. (But I may ask in the future for the task of ordering the books to devolve onto me so they actually get ordered in a timely fashion. I'm kind of tired of dealing with this no-book-at-the-start-of-the-quarter thing).

So I don't know. I just hope the lesson is received okay. I really don't want another surprise meeting of "what are we going to do with her and her non-conforming Sunday School teaching."