Happy happy

I wonder if the cold I had last week could have been brewing for longer than that - it seems like it's been two weeks or so that I just felt kind of "meh" and without energy. But this weekend I feel a lot better; my energy seems to have been restored.

Part of it is, I suspect, that on some level I feel like the balance in my life has been restored - last Friday, you may remember, I was laboring on a painful rewrite of a paper, which has since gone off to my co-author (I've not heard back yet but I don't mind; he's a busy person too. And not-hearing-back means I can at least temporarily put that in a "box" labeled "don't have to deal with it right now.")

Also, having a working hot water heater makes a big difference. I had worried about the old one, at least in kind of a back-of-the-mind way, for a while - when I first moved in, it made really hot water, and I could hear it when it refilled and heated. I had not been hearing the gurgling of the refill-heat cycle for over a month, and I guess I was noticing (even if I didn't openly admit it to myself) that the water wasn't as hot and there wasn't as much of it.

I'm very good at "burying" things that bother me - so I'm not openly thinking about them - but they still do prey on my mind and take up some of my attention. I don't do well with the feeling that there's something not-right in my immediate vicinity.

(Several years ago, a couple of my colleagues - who had been married - wound up divorcing. One of them had had an office next door to me. Even though I was only a bystander in the situation, I found it uncomfortable and difficult to concentrate when I knew they were both in that office, with the door mostly closed, discussing in hushed tones the situation. The person who was next door to me ultimately moved away and the other colleague re-married).

But now, things seem right again.

And I'm taking today off from working - oh, there's ALWAYS work I could do - but I feel like I really need a day off. And next week will be mostly a light week - no exams to write, and the next batch of grading won't come until Friday - so I can work on research Monday afternoon, and during my copious free time on Tuesday and Thursday.

I'm baking bread in my bread machine (wheat germ with honey and sesame seeds) and I'm going to make a big batch of bean soup for lunch. (It's good to be able to cook again without having to count the number of pots or utensils used and think about how I'll have to hand wash all of them afterwards).

I enjoy cooking. I don't know if it's partly that I do most of the more-elaborate cooking that I do when I'm already happy and relaxed (because I have the time to do it), but cooking for myself makes me happy. It also makes me happy to make something that will have good leftovers I can eat the rest of the week.

I went grocery shopping yesterday afternoon (you must understand: the town I live in has a wal-mart and a - I think it's called Sav-A-Lot? They advertise that they "save you money" because they have "limited selection" and that thought just depresses me so I've never been in there. So when I want to do "real" grocery shopping, I drive the 1/2 hour to a larger town near me and go to the Kroger's that they have. I went to the Kroger's yesterday). It also feels good to have replenished the things I'd run out of, to have planned the week's meals, and have food ahead - so I won't have to go out to the wal-mart for shopping. I don't MIND grocery shopping when I have time to do it - at least not at the Kroger's, where it seems most of the people are of the mind to get in, get what they need, and get out in decent time. One thing about the local wal-mart I don't like is that people treat it like it's an entertainment destination: they meander slowly up and down the aisles, they stop dead in the middle of an aisle, blocking it with their cart, so they can talk to someone they've met. The wal-mart obliges this mind-set on the weekends by having the "sample ladies" set up. So people clump around the sample stations and clog things up even worse.

I suppose I'd feel differently if I didn't have hobbies, or if I were such a lonely person that being able to get out and be in even anonymous humanity made me feel better, but deep down I'm kind of a misanthrope - and a misanthrope who wants to get back home to her sewing or her embroidery or the book she's reading - so I find that kind of slow parade of humanity aggravating. Luckily, the Kroger was not aggravating in the least yesterday. And I remembered to buy everything I needed.